"Go it alone" is a song by Beck from the album Guero
Catherine: Surgery is the boldest and most fearless of the healing arts. The Harper Avery awards celebrates those who have destroyed the obstacles, altered the direction, and invented the future of how we are to live and heal and thrive. The surgeons in this room a redefining medicine for generations to come. And so I am very pleased to announce this year's winner. The Harper Avery award goes to... Dr. Ronald Myers. Johns Hopkins Hospital.
(Cristina is at the Harper Avery ceremony, she calls Mer)
Cristina: Mer, I made a mistake. I don't want to be here alone. You should be here. And we should be drunk. Why aren't we drunk? And I want Owen here. He could like, you know, hold my purse and tell me things, and-- Oh, my god. And tell me to wear deodorant. I forgot to wear deodorant, and now I stink and...
Meredith: Where are you? Are you at the table?
Cristina: You know what? Forget it. I'm-- (sighs) I'm fine. (hangs up, walks into the banquet room and sees Mer & Owen sitting at her table, she walks over and hugs them) Oh, thank you. (sits down) I finished my speech. I have it right here. It took me six hours in a middle seat with a mini bottle of overpriced tequila, but it's gracious and not braggy. I think you'll like it.
Bailey: You were right! I got a good night's sleep. I slept like a log. Got up this morning, made some homemade french toast with bacon-- candied bacon, if you want to know. I even had time to read the paper. Now I'm gonna go check on my virus, which also had a good night's sleep, thanks to you. And now you can go and get some sleep. I left your favorite tea on the counter.
Ben: Well, actually, I managed to squeeze in a power nap, so I'm feelin' alright. I'm gonna scrub in on a shoulder replacement with Torres in a few.
Bailey: Well, aren't you superman?
Derek: I'm sorry. I should have called you. I-I... I dropped the ball.
Meredith (sighs): This ball can't get dropped.
Derek: I know. Nothing catastrophic has happened yet, but it could. We... We're juggling too much.
Meredith: Are you saying that it has to be me?
Derek: I'm not saying that, Meredith, I'm just saying that something's gotta change.
Meredith: I know. I know. I just-- I don't know what to do.
Derek: Oh, neither do I.
Meredith: But... I do know... that I need you to take the kids today. Can you do that for me?
Derek: Of course, yes, and I will update you on our position hourly.
Meredith: You don't have to do that. I just--
Derek: No, but I will.
Jo (tying Alex's tie for him): I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you can be a double agent. I come off of even (yawns) one all-nighter, and I feel hollow... jangly. Do you ever get that-- The hollow janglies? (Alex is silent) Alex. (notices he dozed off for a minute, she kisses his cheek)
Alex (startles awake): I'm good.
(Taps Ben on the shoulder who fell asleep in the E.R)
Richard: Dr. Warren... We have an on-call room for this.
Ben (waking up): Hmm?
Richard: I heard Dr. Shepherd had you on an all-night surgery. How'd it go?
Ben: Crap! (runs off)
Richard (sighs): Kids.
(Waiting for a cab outside the hospital)
Owen: Do they know where we are?
Cristina: I was very specific.
Meredith: Well, I hope this cab doesn't make you miss your flight. (gets paged) Oh, crap. My bypass patient's in V-Fib. I got to--
Cristina: Go, go, go. Save a life.
Meredith: Okay, good luck. (runs back into the hospital)
Owen: You know, maybe we should just call the cab company to make--
Cristina: You know, Owen, it'll be fine. There's no traffic this early. I'm not checking a bag. I've got time. (Owen gets paged) You've got to go, too.
Owen: No, no. I-I cant wait a second.
Cristina (looks at his page): MVC pileup on the freeway. You don't want to ignore that.
Owen (sighs): I want to see you off.
Cristina: I'll be gone all of 24 hours. This isn't some glamorous goodbye. I'm catching a cab. I know how to send myself off.
Owen: You sure?
Cristina: Owen... (Owen gets paged again) Go.
Owen: Alright. (kisses her forehead) Knock 'em dead.
Derek: This is when the visibility gets difficult.
Stephanie: So why don't we use the self-retaining retractor?
Derek: You can't with a keyhole incision. You risk damaging the anterior choroidal arteries, which could result in what?
Jo: Infarction of the internal capsule and adjacent basal ganglia.
Derek: Edwards, step back. Wilson... step up. (Jo & Steph trade places at the microscope) How can we tell if the patient has suffered a PCA infarct?
Jo: We wouldn't know until after she'd woken up.
Derek: Okay, good. And what symptoms would we look for with a lesion in this area?
Jo: Contralateral hemiplegia, superior quadrantanopia, and amnesia.
Derek: Okay, Wilson, you're out. Murphy, you're up.
Jo: I was right.
Derek: Well, yes. You were. But nobody likes a know-it-all.
Callie: You don't think that this is silly?
Callie: Okay, 'cause we're not picking a movie or takeout. This is-- It's a bigger deal.
Arizona: Yeah, this feels right.
Arizona: I mean, flipping a coin feels right.
Arizona: It just-- It feels decisive. It's done.
Callie: Fine, fine, fine, fine. (sighs) Okay, heads... I will get pregnant and carry our child, and tails...
Arizona: I get pregnant and carry our child. Okay?
Callie: And however it lands...
Arizona: That's what we do. Right?
Arizona: Okay. Right. (Callie tosses the coin in the air) No! You know what?! You do it! I'm sorry. I don't want to. I-I-I don't want to. (Callie chuckles): And you did it last time, and it was so beautiful. Just-- I don't want to. I want you to. I want you to. Is that bad? Am I terrible?
Callie: No, you're not terrible.
Arizona: Will you do it? Please? Okay, wait, now hold on. Do you want to?
Callie: I would love to! (they kiss)
Meredith (walks in): Alex, you're still here?
Alex: Night shift. You're still here?
Cristina: Yes, we're all still here, obviously.
Meredith: Did you finish your speech?
Cristina: Nah, I-- I'm just gonna wing it.
Meredith: It's weird. They've made their decision. Your name is typed on a piece of paper in an envelope.
Alex: I know. I always figured I'd read about you winning the Harper Avery. I didn't think I'd be operating with you the night before you won it.
Meredith: When is the last time we all pulled an all-nighter together? Third year?
Cristina: Oh, god. Look at us now. You've got two kids.
Meredith: I mean, you're about to win a Harper Avery. And Alex...
Cristina: Oh, sad.
Alex: Oh, shut up. I got my own stuff.
Meredith: What stuff?
Cristina: Oh, lying. Sadder.
Alex: A private practice is interested in me, and I think I'm gonna take it.
Cristina: A private practice?
Meredith: Is this the butthole guy?
Alex: I've been moonlighting over there, taking some shifts, just to see if I get along with his partner. Don't tell Robbins. And I'm killing it. And I'm killing it here at night. I'm killing it 24 hours a day, and I can't tell anyone.
Cristina: Private practice? Why in the world would you want that?
Alex: Because my fellowship is ending and it's a crapload of money. And I didn't come from a rich family like you, and I'm probably not gonna win a Harper Avery anytime soon.
Cristina: Mm, that's true.
Alex: Screw you.
Cristina (nods toward Mer): She might.
Meredith: Might? (smiles) Screw you.
Jackson: Okay, I think you're blowing this out of proportion.
April: Am I? Because this is who I am, at my core, this... this defines me.
Jackson: And I know that. I love you still.
April: Oh, well, thank you. Thank you so much for loving me anyway-- despite my beliefs, despite my faith, which I happen to hold above everything else.
Jackson: You're twisting my words. It's not--
April: And you're ignoring mine! You don't accept who I am or what I believe. You tolerate it. You judge it. You judge my faith because you don't have any.
Jackson: I have faith. I have faith in medicine. I have faith in helping people.
April: That's not faith! Faith is believing in what you can't see. Will you just admit it, Jackson? You think what I believe is ridiculous.
Jackson: Yes, because it is! Yes! Your god is like our hypothetical deaf child, April. It's not real. (April looks taken aback) Look, alright-- I'm s-sorry. It's-- It doesn't mean I don't respect you. It's just...
April (crying): God, I just feel... I just feel sorry for you. You don't know how to believe in something you can't touch or feel, and that... is so sad.
Jackson: So you pity me.
April: I... I-I do. I really do. We should go to sleep.
Callie: I never would have just assumed you didn't want to carry our child.
Callie: You said, 'I can't take another loss. It's too hard.' I took that as a 'no.' And I was afraid that if I asked you again, it would make you too sad.
Arizona: Okay, that was a year ago, and there was a lot going on, and maybe I changed my mind.
Callie: Have you?
Arizona: I don't know. Maybe.
Callie: Arizona, if it would make you happy, it would make me happy.
Arizona: Yeah, hmm. Y-yeah. But do you think I should?
Meredith: Three hours? For three hours, Derek, I had no idea where our children were. I had my hand inside a guy's stomach, and all I could think was--
Derek: I told you I had it handled.
Meredith: You told me you had them.
Derek: I thought I did. I had a surgery. I had to teach. Hunt and Webber accused me of dropping the ball.
Meredith: You dropped this ball. If you put our kids somewhere, Derek, you have to tell me.
Derek: Let's just step back for a second and take a look that the kids are fine, okay? I just forgot to make a phone call, okay? Now I've got a surgery to get to.
Cristina: Ivy's biopsy sample is on its way to path.
Owen: Frankie's in heart failure. Karev and I ran an EKG. It's not her pacemaker. She needs an LVAD.
Cristina: Crap. These kids are like surgical dominos. Okay, let's get her ready.
Owen: Karev's prepping O.R 4. What time's your flight?
Cristina: It doesn't matter.
April: Don't do that! Don't walk away from me when I'm in the middle of a sentence.
Jackson: Can we just go to bed, please?
April: I can't sleep now, not when you're willfully ignoring my wishes, my beliefs--
Jackson: About what? Our fictitious child? It's irrelevant. You know how slim the chances are of our kid being deaf?
April: That is not the point!
Jackson: What is the point?
April: You-- You think they're stupid. You think that they are being bad parents because they want to raise their kid differently than you would.
Jackson: Come on. I never said that.
April: You are judging them! You think they're ridiculous.
Jackson: Why are we even arguing about this?
April: Because it means you think think I'm ridiculous, too!
Jackson: Wait a second. What?
April: Replace 'cochlear impant' with the word 'christening'... 'bible study'... 'prayer.' Now tell me this has nothing to do with us.
Shane: Nova Jenkins is prepped and ready for surgery.
Derek: Okay, great. I've got a little bit more to do with Mr. Quaid here. But, guys, go eat and hydrate. I'll see you in the O.R in about eight minutes. Hustle.
Meredith (walks in): Derek.
Derek: Oh, I'm sorry.
Meredith: Where the hell are my kids? (Derek sighs)
(Leah is trying to pull the scissors out of Mr. Quaid's forehead)
Jo: Come on. Don't be such a weenie.
Leah: I'm not being a weenie.
Stephanie: You're kind of being a weenie.
Derek: Murphy, the shears have only hit areas of non-eloquent brain function. The risk of further damage is minimal. So go ahead. Pull it out. Wait. Okay, vessels intact. Go ahead. (Leah tries again)
Jo: Oh, for god's sake, she's not going anywhere. (raises hand) Dr. Shepherd, permission to step in.
Derek: Mmhmm. (Jo steps over, grunts and yanks the scissors out) Well, that was a little much.
Stephanie: Way to go, lady Hulk.
Leah: Get ready for a big bleeder and a crash-dive craniotomy.
Jo (looks at the monitor, vessels are fine): Ha! In your face! Not you, Dr. Shepherd.
Cristina (scoffs): Do I have to do that thing where I acknowledge the losers? 'Cause I have like five minutes. I don't want to waste it on people I don't even know.
Owen: Mm, it is a courtesy. (sighs) You're nervous. You know, I know you think that I'm too busy, but I can make it work, if you don't want to be alone.
Cristina: But I do.
Owen: Wait, you think you're gonna lose?
Cristina: Let me go alone.
(Looking at Mr. Quiad's X-rays of scissors in his forehead)
Stephanie: I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd.
Derek: Yeah, don't apologize to me, apologize to Mr. Quaid.
Stephanie: I'm sorry, Mr. Quaid.
Mr. Quaid: It's cool. It's gross-- super gross. Hey, Doc, you figure out how to get these bastards out of my noggin?
Derek: Yes. It will be a uh, very careful, very precise... yank.
Jo (raises hand): Oh, me! Me, me, me!
Arizona (holding baby Bailey): Oh, wow, you just spit up all over my pretty dress, didn't you, Bailey?
Callie (sighs): Okay, I canceled the reservation. Shepherd owes us big time. He said he owes us, right?
Arizona: Yes. Something about taking Sofia for the weekend so we can have a getaway, and I'm holding him to it. Um, Callie, can you hold him? 'Cause it's-- it's dribbling. (hands Bailey to Callie, and grabs a tissue to clean her dress)
Callie: Oh, my gosh, you forget what it's like to have one this small. How did we do it before?
Arizona: Oh, well, we had Mark. God, I miss Mark.
Callie: Yeah, I miss him, too. And three's a lot. It makes me think we should stop after I have this next one.
Arizona: What do you mean after you have the next one?
Callie: Oh, well, I meant 'we.' I was just saying 'I' 'cause I'm gonna, you know, have it.
Arizona: Oh. You're gonna have the next one? I didn't know that we decided that.
Callie: I didn't know there was anything to decide.
Ben: Dr. Shepherd, this man flatlined five minutes ago.
Derek: Yeah, that's true, but this is a great opportunity to learn on an actual brain.
Shane: It does seem a little strange.
Stephanie: If by 'strange', you mean 'awesome.'
Meredith (leaving Derek a voicemail): Derek, the daycare is closed, the babysitters have not heard from you, and no one is answering at home. Where are our children, Derek?!
Jackson: And it's not like I'm insensitive to deaf culture or anything. I just don't... I don't get how, as parents, you don't want your kid to experience hearing, if they could. (April is silent) What? You disagree?
April: They're her parents, Jackson, not us.
Jackson: Yeah, well, if that was our kid, she'd be fitted for an implant three years ago.
April: Just like that? What if I... felt differently about it?
Jackson: Do you?
April: Don't do that. Don't dismiss how I feel. My opinion matters. I am one half of this relationship. It's my kid, too, and it's not getting a cochlear implant.
April: It's important that we immerse them in the deaf community, who consider deafness, by the way, to be a blessing and not a disability, instead of just opting for an elective surgery.
Jackson: I'm sorry. A-A blessing?
Meredith: ... Call the O.R. and let them know we're coming. Get me a second year resident. I'm gonna need extra hands in there.
Nurse Kathy: None of the second years are available. They're all with Dr. Shepherd.
Meredith: Dr. Shepherd isn't even in the hospital.
Nurse Kathy: He is. He has surgery scheduled.
Meredith: Then where the hell are my kids?!
Ben (regarding Nova's surgery): 1:30am. That's still hours away.
Derek: Well, don't worry, Dr. Warren. I just got a page from the E.R we'll have plenty to do before then. Come along. (they all follow him, Ben sighs)
Jo: Aww, poor Gramps.
Ben: I'm fine.
Cristina: Jon and Sabine had a complete meltdown, I kicked him out, and she's downstairs getting coffee. I'm trying to distract the kids. My drinking buddy is stuck at the hospital, and I still have to write my speech. So (inhales deeply) will you help me?
Owen: Wait, uh... you paged me to listen to your speech?
Owen: Uh huh. (turns and walks out)
Cristina: Oh, come on. You can't be that busy.
Cristina: 'Boundaries are only there to be pushed. I am grateful for the opportunity to have pushed. I'm also grateful for the recognition.' How's that?
Frankie: It's nice.
Link: It's kind of braggy.
Cristina: Well, it's supposed to be braggy. I'm winning an award. (about their game of Jenga) My turn? (she pulls a tile out and the tower doesn't move)
Cristina: Yes, I have very steady hands.
Ben: Hey, Miranda.
Bailey: Hey, come look at my virus.
Ben: Oh, I can't. I thought I was going home, but Shepherd's got us pulling an all-nighter. But, um... What are you doing?
Bailey: Watching my virus chill.
Ben: Hmm. That's, um... That's crazy.
Bailey: I just removed stem cells from Braden's bone marrow and injected them into this disabled virus.
Ben: I just pulled a 32-hour shift. You see, I-I should be sleeping, but I'm working. And you are here and have no work. You should go home... and sleep... for me. Hmm? (kisses her)
Bailey: I'm just gonna watch.
Ben: Go to sleep!
Stephanie: But that's not fair. Karaoke's my thing. Now, you can't go without me.
Leah (to Shane): Wait. This is a karaoke bar?
Shane: It's a regular bar that happens to have karaoke.
Jo: How is that different?
Stephanie: It's totally different, and that's something I know because karaoke's kinda my thing.
Ben: If it makes you feel any better, I'm also gonna be missing out. I'm just coming off a 32-hour run. All I really want is a hot bath and a soft pillow.
Jo: Aww, Gramps, how about a glass of warm milk, too?
Ben: See? You mock. But, actually, that sounds fantastic.
Derek (walks in): Okay, everybody, get out of your streets and into your scrubs. I'm gonna teach you everything there is to know about a hippocampectomy.
Jo: But you cancelled that lecture.
Derek: Yes, I did and I did you a disservice. Not only is it a rare procedure, it's one of the most delicate and elegant a neurosurgeon can perform, which you will see later tonight when you scrub in with me.
Derek: Well, unless you have something else better to do than to cure a young girl of her debilitating seizures, Dr. Warren.
Cristina: Hey. Why aren't you dressed?
Meredith: Whoa. I, uh, can't-- I can't go. I have to babysit my bypass patient.
Cristina: Oh, come on. Tomorrow, everything changes. I won't have time to talk to you. I'll be too busy being better than you.
Meredith: Good thing it's not gonna go to your head. Oh, the speech. Uh, thank people and be funny because people love funny.
Cristina: Wh-- There's nothing funny about babies with HLHS. (Mer is walking away and waves) You're no help to me. (turns and sees Alex standing there) Alex, tonight is your lucky night because I will go drinking with you.
Alex: Hmm. Can't. Working. (walks away, April walks up)
Cristina: Never mind.
Owen: You pushed Nova Jenkins' hippocampectomy again?
Derek: Yeah, I had to. Uh, I got to take these calls on the Gdansk time.
Owen: You referred three cases to the Cleveland Clinic last week. This is not okay, Derek, uh, people come here for you. You still work here.
Derek: You're the one who talked me into this project in the first place.
Owen (sighs): Webber tells me that you cancelled your lecture. That's the fourth time you cancelled on the residents this month. I know that something has to give but not surgery and it can't be teaching either.
Derek: I'll handle it. I've got it handled. The lectures will happen and just put Nova Jenkins' surgery back on the boards for tonight, and I'll-- I'll handle it.
Richard: Um... given his co-morbidities, he's a high risk for post-op complications, which means one of us is gonna have to stay here with him tonight. Um... this is where you offer to do it.
Meredith: I kind of have plans.
Richard: Ah, the all-nighter, Grey. It's the experience that tests you the most, teaches you the most. And when you look back on your career, you remember it most fondly.
Meredith: I know that because I did one last Monday night.
Richard: That means you're well-rested. Perfect. Good night.
Jo: It's been two full weeks of the night shift, Alex. How long can you keep doing this?
Alex (carrying two cups of coffee): Well, I haven't dropped yet.
Jo: Well, when you gonna tell Robbins?
Alex: When do I have a chance? I'm doing surgery 24 hours a day with a dozen 20-minute naps in between.
Jo: You're like a double agent. It's actually pretty sexy. (they walk up to Callie & Arizona who are all dressed up)
Alex: Hey, Robbins.
Callie: Uh, back away, Karev. She's off duty.
Alex: I was gonna say that you look nice, but whatever.
Arizona: Aww, thank you. It's date night.
Callie: Yeah, listen, we've been on opposite schedules for weeks, so if we don't take the time and sit down and eat a meal together and remember why we chose to married we will kill each other. (Jo chuckles)
Alex: No sweat. I've got everything handled. Enjoy your night.
Callie: Thank you. (walks away)
Arizona: Thank you so much. You're amazing. (walks away)
Alex (to Jo): She has no idea how amazing I am.
Owen: You written your speech yet?
Cristina: Uh, no, not yet. Mer and I are going out for drinks tonight and she's gonna help me.
Owen: So... vodka is writing your Harper Avery acceptance speech?
Owen: I'm coming.
Cristina: To Joe's? You're working.
Owen: No, to Boston. Tomorrow. We can make a-- a night of it, you know? Champagne. Room service.
Cristina: I'm flying out in the morning, I'm going to the ceremony, and then flying back on the red-eye. I'll be gone less than 24 hours.
Owen: Cristina, this is the biggest day of your life.
Cristina: Did you get a haircut?
Owen: Uh-- You're changing the subject.
Meredith: (closing voiceover) Surgeons are trained to go it alone, to be solo artists, to be Mavericks... both in and out of the O.R. But the truth is, we are never alone. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. We stand side-by-side with the colleagues who have supported us, prepared us for the moment that every surgeon lives for. When it all comes down to your training, your choices, your wits, your hands, your stitch... when it all comes down to you.
Derek: (after her mistake at the OR) Murphy, doctors don't cry in hallways. We have stairwells for that.
Leah: I'm sorry. I'm just so relieved.
Derek: Yeah, you got lucky today. Nothing bad happened, but it could have. And if it had... It would have been on you. So remember the feeling... that "what if?" Not the relief. It'll keep you from making that mistake again.
Leah: Yes, sir.
Meredith: (opening voiceover) Surgery is a solo act. We step up to the table with a scalpel in our hand, and we go it alone. The isolation can start to define you. Because even though you're surrounded by a team... what it really comes down to is your training, your choices, your wits, your hands, your stitch. It comes down to just you.
Original International Air Dates:
Norway: May 20, 2014 on TV2
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