When Meredith, Alex and Cristina are talking in the cafeteria, Meredith's yogurt moves from her hand to the table and back to her hands between shots.
Richard: I heard you gave Teddy a contract.
Derek: Yes, I did.
Richard: I'm glad. It was the right move. Loyality, it's a powerful thing. It makes for a great chief.
Derek: I offered it to Evans. He passed.
Callie: My cousin's baby punched her in the face. Literally. She had a black eye from a one year old. (Arizona sighs) Who needs it, right? I don't need that. They scream, they're grimmey, they smell like poop... (starts crying) and the house smells like poop.
Arizona (soothing): Don't. Don't. Don't. (kisses Callie)
Lexie: Give me a beer.
Alex: You screwed me today. That was my patient. You made me look like a moron. Get your own beer.
Lexie: You can't be an ass to me all day and expect me to give you respect. You can't be be an ass to me all day and except me to give you sex. And you can stop with the patronizing nicknames. I am a nice person, who couldn't even bring myself to attempt matricide by adding Sweet 'N Low. That makes me charming to anybody else. I am a nice person. And I am nice to you. So, whatever your damage is, you better start to be frickin' nice to me or I am not spreading my legs for you anymore, no matter how much I may I want to. Now give me a damn beer! (Alex hands her a beer)
Meredith: Chief Shepherd are you busy?
Derek: Did you just call me Chief Shepherd?
Meredith: I did. Go with it. (closes the shades)
Derek: What are you doing with the shades?
Meredith: Shh. No one can know.
Derek: Know what?
Meredith: About our secret love, Chief Shepherd.
Derek: Secret love?
Meredith: By the way, Chief. I picked up your dry-cleaning for you. (kicks off her shoes and sits on the table) And I... had your car washed. And I dusted off your desk, with my bottom. (they laugh) Is there anything else I can do for you, Chief Shepherd?
Derek: Lemme see if I can come up with a list of things. (kisses her neck and pushes her back on the table)
Mark (to the baby): Just remember. The Sloans, we bloom early. So when you start to grown hair on your face, don't be shy. Live it up. All the other guys will be jealous. And it's okay to rub it in a little bit. But not a lot. You don't wanna be considered too full of yourself. No one likes a vain guy in the locker room.
Callie: I get it. You watch parents go through horrible, unimaginable pain. Every day. And you went through horrible, unimaginable pain when you lost your brother. And your parents never got over it. But if we had a baby... Our baby's not gonna be one of those kids in your NICU. Our baby won't be your brother. I mean, knock on wood. Do you know how happy our baby would be?
Arizona: I'm gonna say this once. And then I'm not gonna say it again. I'm not broken. I'm not some psycodrama. My lack of interest in having a child is not some pathology that you can pat yourself on the back for having diagnosed. I like my life, I like it the way that it is. I don't want it to change. I thought I liked it with you in it. I hope I'm not wrong.
Cristina: Hey, did you see me in the OR?
Teddy: You're an idiot.
Teddy: Do you really think Evan's is going to take you under his award-winning wing? He won't. He doesn't need you. He doesn't care about students. He's a rock star, not a teacher.
Cristina: He is a rock star. Teddy, he's totally a rock star. Did you see him in there? He was like an octopus. Doing a million things, cutting, retracting, suctioning all at once.
Teddy: You think that I need you to help my hold my intstruments when I operate? You think that helps me save the patient? I do it so that you can learn, Cristina. I'd be a lot faster in the OR without you. Did you notice? You never even touched that patient. Your gloves were totally clean at the end of surgery. Did you learn a lot?
Cristina: Teddy, it was one surgery.
Teddy: He's here for my job, Cristina. Do you really not get that? If Evans is in, I'm out. So, you know, good luck with your new attending.
Mark: What's Tom Evans doing here?
Derek: Taking a look around.
Mark: Why? You don't need Evans. You got Teddy.
Derek: I don't need Teddy if I've got Evans.
Mark: What? No, you can't. Me and... Me and Teddy, we...
Derek: See, this is my point. I can't staff this hospital based on the fact that she's Hunt friend and your flavor of the month. I'm just sick of worrying about this. This job's exhausting.
Mark: I'm sorry. That's what you're complaining about? Screw you. I'm losing everything today. Everything! (throws a mug) How am I supposed to call a couple of strangers and tell them to come take my kid?
Derek: Sloan's your kid, Mark. You're not losing her. They're not taking her.
Bailey: What's up?
Lexie: Doug has fever and rigors and he's starting to get a productive cough.
Alex: So deal with it. Look, hook guy's tanking. He coughed up blood or something, so they're taking him back to surgery. I want in.
Lexie: Wait, he coughed up blood? What did it look like, was it currant jelly? Did he have leukocytosis with a left shift? His P.A.CO2 was 28, right?
Alex: I don't know, Encyclopedia Brown. I didn't memorize the chart.
Bailey: Let him go, Grey, he has a surgery that he wants to see.
Alex: Thank you, Dr. Bailey. (leaves)
Lexie: Dr. Bailey, both patients have productive coughs and signs and symptoms of septis. I am probably wrong, but if I'm not, this is infectious.
Bailey: You are probably not wrong, you are probably right. Why do you want to hand your big save over to Karev who will walk around this hospital like he put it together?
Lexie: I didn't...
Bailey: You are handing your power over to a boy because he is giving you sex.
Lexie: I'm not... I'm...
Bailey: I'm Dr. Bailey, and I know everything. And you have a superpower. That memory of yours is a superpower. And on top of it, you're a good doctor. And yet you're letting Alex Karev treat you like a scut monkey. I don't care how good the sex is, if that's what it costs, you're payin' too much.
Lexie: I'm not. I--
Bailey: Scut monkey all day.
Owen: You have a cold. It could have happened to any of us.
Teddy: Yeah, but it didn't. It was me. On the day that Shepherd is interviewing Evans for my job and I am the new girl here who nobody really knows and even Yang is in love with Evans. (sneezes) And I have a freaking cold!
Callie: Arizona wants to go to Spain. She's picking a suntan over a family, which I don't get.
Mark: Didn't she have like a happy, idyllic, childhood?
Callie: Totally! She talks to her parents like, everyday. Everyday! Part of which could be the brother thing.
Mark: What brother thing?
Callie: He died. (sighs) Her brother died. And I'm an idiot.
Cristina: Hey. Have you, uh, seen Evans? It was amazing. Who saw?
Alex: Dude, you're like a kid with trading cards. Except with heart surgeons.
Cristina: Yeah. I gotta have 'em all.
Meredith: I thought Teddy was the love of your life.
Cristina: She is. She is, but... Evans, brilliant. I mean brilliant. I mean, so is she, but... I love them both. I'm a cardio-thoracic whore. Okay, just saying it makes me feel so good.
Meredith: Speaking of whores, has anyone seen the love-struck intern fawning over my husband?
Alex: April's not an intern.
Meredith: Bat your eyes like that, you're an intern.
Cristina: Oh, don't worry. That's not Derek's thing. (Alex gives her a look) Anymore.
Meredith: I was the love-struck intern. It is his thing.
Cristina: No, he's grown out of it.
Alex: Out of what, chicks who shave their legs and laugh at his jokes? Sure, he's grown out of it.
Meredith (scoffs): I shave my legs. Sometimes.
Alex: You could always call him Chief Shepherd.
AleX: I don't make the rules. I'm just telling you, it's a thing. Powerful guys like adoring girls. Whatever. You do what you want.
Callie: The baby smiled at Mark. He looked up and smiled at him like he knew him.
Arizona: That poor baby's parents just sitting there...
Callie: Stop calling them the baby's
Arizona: That baby's parents. The mature, capable, financially secure, emotionally stable, loving parents, who were deemed fit by Sloan and the state of Washing, are sitting there by the telephone staring at the sky-blue nursery walls that they just painted. Those are the parents, not Mr. Midlife Crisis and his teenage kid who bought her infant son a bag of lollipops and Juicy Couture onesies.
Callie: So, she has a lot to learn.
Arizona: No, she doesn't. She made the one sound parenting decision she needs to make. She found the lovely couple to raise her baby. And she did that months ago when she wasn't flooded with postpartum hormones or overwhelmed by heartfelt pleas from her dad. She had time to think clearly about what was right for her and what was right for the baby. She made a decision, a good decision. And it would be great if we could all just try and respect that.
Lexie: Doug, would you like to see your dad before he goes into surgery? He's probably calmed down.
Doug: He hates me. He's always hated me. Noww, I practically killed him. He doesn't wanna see me.
Lexie: Once, when I was little, I was really mad at my mom. And I had heard that saccharine can kill you, and so, I swear to God, I almost put like ten packets of Sweet 'N Low into her coffee at the same time. I was this close.
Alex: And while she was thinking of sweetening her mom's coffee, I tried to run my old man over with the car. It's normal.
Lexie: No, that's... that's not normal.
Callie: Sloan changed her mind? Mark: Maybe. Callie: That's great! Arizona: No, it's not. Callie: What? She can't change her mind? People can change their minds. Arizona: This baby needs parents, not an 18-year-old child and a father who she met five minutes ago. Mark: Shut up! Callie: Mark... Mark: No. You know, you don't get to tell me what to do here. I appreciate your help, but you don't... My mom is dead. My dad's never gonna get off the couch again. I don't have any brothers or sisters. This is my grandson. My grandson. I'm not just gonna turn him over to some strangers when I might have a chance at a family. So just... give me a minute here!
Bailey: I mean what kinda life is that? Livin' 5 months on a boat, working 20 hours in terrible conditions?
Lexie: In 2007, the CDC marked crab fishing the most dangerous job in the U.S. with an annual fatality rate 28 times higher than any other job. (Bailey & Alex stare at her) What?
Alex: Dude, its' like working with Forrest Gump.
April: It was a fishing boat accident. One with a head lac and abdominal pain. The other, something about a fish hook being stuck somewhere.
Derek: Why would they send a chopper for a guy with a fish hook?
April: I'm pretty sure they said a fish hook, Chief Shepherd. (they both walk off the elevator)
Jackson (imitating April): 'I'm pretty sure they said a fish hook, Chief Shepherd. If I'm wrong, you can spank me. Oh, Chief Shepherd, I do hope I'm wrong.
Meredith (smiles): Stop.
Mark: Did you buy all this for the baby?
Sloan: Yeah. I figured he was gonna need stuff. And I was already in the store. I know it's lame, all the girl stuff was way better, but... Boys like Army crap, right?
Arizona: Oh. No, that's a choking hazard. He's a little young for that. (takes a toy out of Mark's hand) And that.
Mark: You can see it, right?
Derek: The resemblance? It's a newborn, it resembles other new borns.
Mark: Okay. Alright, fine. But you want incontrovertible proof? Here we go. (undoes the baby's diaper)
Derek: Oh. It's impressive. But a lot of that is swelling from the birth. It will go down.
Mark: He's a Sloan.
Jackson: Here we go again.
Jackson: She thinks your husband walks on water.
April: I don't, I don't, I um... No, I'm... I mean... it's a professional thing. It's um... It's a mentor thing. He's just my mentor. 'Cause he's married... to you. And you guys are so great. And, um... Together. Together, as a married couple. And you, you... you're so great. I, um... I do... I do think that your husband is brilliant, but I'm sure that you think that, too. (Mer smiles) Okay, then. (walks off)
Derek (about Cristina, regarding Evans): You think she's gonna drool on him?
Meredith (laughs): I think she is.
Derek: Here she is. Your cruise director, Dr. Yang.
Cristina: Dr. Evans, hi. Hi. (laughing) Hi, I'm Cristina Yang. I'm a huge fan.
Derek: She's a groupie, but you're gonna forgive her because she's one of the finest cardio residents you'll meet anywhere.
Evans: Quite a recommendation. You scrubbin' in with me today?
Cristina: Yes. It's an honor and a privilege. Uh, here are the patient charts and the most recent labs. If there's anything else you need, just ask me. I'll be around here all day following you. If that's okay with you.
Evans: She is a groupie, I like it.
Meredith (closing voiceover): As doctors we have an arsenal of weapons after any. Antibiotics to kill infections. Narcotics to fight pain. Scalpels and retractors to remove tumours and cancers, to eradicate the threat. But just the physical threat, for every other threat... you are on your own.
Meredith (opening voiceover): We're doctors, we're trained to care for human beings and we're pretty sure we know what to look for. Cuts, infection, genetic mutation.
Mark: I called your mother.
Sloan: What? Why? She kicked me out!
Mark: She's on her way. She misses you. She's worried about you.
Sloan: Oh. Right.
Mark: I'm worried about you, too.
Sloan: Okay, if this is the part where you tell me that you talked to her, and she convinced you that me keeping my baby was a bad idea because I'm young and irresponsible--
Mark: That's not what the conversation was about.
Sloan: Okay, well, so you thought it over, and you decided that you don't have time for a kid? That's fine. I get it. You have a life. You're busy. But you know what? I can handle this kid on my own.
Mark: No, you can't. Having a kid is hard, and you are young and irresponsible, and keeping him is probably a bad idea, but if that is your decision, if that's what you want, then I'm in. I'm all in. I'm not too busy for my family, but…don't keep the baby for me. You'll always have me, and I'll always want you, and that's true no matter what you decide. You're my kid, and I'm so happy I get to know you, Sloan. I'm so happy about that.
Callie: No, it doesn't make any sense! Everybody wants a kid, and you people wear roller skates for shoes. I don't get it.
Arizona: You know, I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Cause it's not natural. It's not womanly. Maybe I'm cold and heartless and dead inside.
Callie: No, I'm not saying that!
Arizona: Well, yeah, but a little bit, you are.
Callie: No! No! (pauses, collects herself) You know what? Just humor me for one minute, okay? Close your eyes. Close your eyes. (Arizona closes her eyes) Picture a baby. A warm, smushy little…baby. Wrapping its chubby little arms around your neck, and breathing in that intoxicating baby smell. Doesn't it just melt you?
Arizona: Nope. You know what melts me? Spain. The beach. You in a bikini. Me holding a sangria. Oh, wait. What's that I hear? Oh... the baby's crying. We can't go to Spain.
Callie: A sangria. That's why I don't get a kid. I can make you a friggin' sangria.
Mark: Tell me you're staying. Please.
Teddy: I'm staying.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Hák, miminko a doktor Evans (Hook, Baby and Dr. Evans)
Music featured in this episode:
1. Traveler's Song by The Future of Forestry
2. Scattered Diamonds by Hungry Kids Of Hungary
3. Everybody Loves You by Jenn Grant
4. Sunset & Echo by Correatown
5. Trapped In a New Scene by Octoberman
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: April 29, 2010 on CTV
Latin America: May 10, 2010 on Sony Entertainment Television (a.k.a. Canal Sony)
Sweden: May 19, 2010 on Kanal 5
Australia: June 1, 2010 on Channel 7
United Kingdom: June 10, 2010 on Living TV
Germany: September 15, 2010 on ProSieben
Norway: January 4, 2011 on TV2
Czech Republic: October 31, 2011 on Prima LOVE
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