Grey's Anatomy Season 9 Episode 18

Derek: How's the baby, still kicking?
Meredith: Quiet now. Probably dead.
Derek: Oh, Meredith, stop.
Meredith: Well, I'm just kidding. Mostly.
Derek: Really, I need you to stop.
Meredith: Bad things happen, and it just makes me feel better to be prepared when they do.
Derek: But you don't know how things are gonna turn out.
Meredith: Right. Exactly what I'm saying.

Meredith: Ugh. Stop kicking in there. I mean, what are you, choking on your cord or something? Cristina, please talk to it. He or she.
Cristina: Who?
Meredith: The baby.
Cristina: No.
Meredith: The sound of my voice only makes it kick harder. For some reason, Derek can calm it down. Maybe you can, too.
Cristina: You know, I'll talk to it when I see it. When she gets her first period. I'll take that off your plate. Or if it has a penis, I'll tell him not to think with it.

Meredith: (about her baby) Her eyesight is developing this week. Unless it's not. Unless she's blind.
Derek: She's not blind. Or he's not. Or if he or she is blind, that's fine. Blind is fine.
Meredith: What do we call it, it?
Derek: One of us can say he, one of us can say she, and we're covered.
Meredith: Well, no, because then it's gonna be born thinking one of us is always wrong. Well, maybe it can't hear anyway. Maybe it's deaf.
Derek: Deaf is fine. Helen Keller went to Harvard, Meredith.
Meredith: Okay, well, what if it's not fine? What if it's absorbed a twin body? Two heads, extra arms--
Derek: Stop.
Meredith: I'm just saying, if anyone's gonna have a baby with two heads and three arms and eleven toes, it's gonna be me.
Derek: Would you just go to sleep? Please. Sleep.