Grey's Anatomy

Season 9 Episode 18

Idle Hands

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Mar 21, 2013 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Derek: See? Ten fingers.
      Meredith: 11.
      Derek: Mm. That's not a finger.
      Meredith: Oh. (laughs) It's a boy!

    • Cristina (carrying a bunch of charts): Hey.
      Owen: Whoa. What's all that?
      Cristina: Russell put me on the lotus valve trials. I have to get through most of this tonight.
      Owen: Ah, is he piling it on a little heavy?
      Cristina: Yes, he is. Oh, are you gonna stay late and play with your new toys? (looks at Leah & Heather taking scans of themselves)
      Owen: They're not toys. But they are pretty fun.

    • Bailey: 'Avery's too young,' I said. 'He's too inexperienced,' I said. 'He has no business running this hospital.'
      Jackson: Where you going with this, Bailey?
      Bailey: I was wrong is where I'm going. You all made a smart decision today. I'm not gonna disappoint you. Thank you.

    • Meredith (getting an ultrasound): Are you nervous?
      Derek: No. We'll just take a look and then we'll know.
      Meredith: Ah. (to the doctor) Is there a huge teratoma growing out of its head?
      Doctor: See for yourself. (turns the screen so they can see)

    • Callie: She is asleep. (sees Arizona laying on the bed in lingerie) Holy mother of--
      Arizona: Could you, um, massage my leg again?
      Callie (smiles): Uh huh. Yeah. (walks over, and gets on the bed, and starts massaging Arizona's leg) Hmm?
      Arizona: A little higher.
      Callie: There?
      Arizona: Mm. Nope. Higher. (they kiss)

    • Alex (chuckles): He actually gave Dr. Bailey his pee.
      Richard: Anybody find out about this, I'm throwing you under the bus.
      Alex: You're not scared of this guy.
      Richard: No, I'm scared of Dr. Bailey.
      Jason (walking up): Hey, Karev. (Richard rushes off)
      Alex (turns to Richard, who's gone): Think he's onto us?
      Jason: That was pretty funny today. Uh, the-- the pranks, the drug test, the pages... (laughs) You guys, you really got me.
      Alex: Yeah, well, the kid's got a little crush on, uh, Wilson. We were just having a little fun.
      Jason: Oh, the kid does. Right. Well, you two kids have fun laughing about it later while I'm nailing Jo in the bathroom at the bar.

    • Derek: How's the baby, still kicking?
      Meredith: Quiet now. Probably dead.
      Derek: Oh, Meredith, stop.
      Meredith: Well, I'm just kidding. Mostly.
      Derek: Really, I need you to stop.
      Meredith: Bad things happen, and it just makes me feel better to be prepared when they do.
      Derek: But you don't know how things are gonna turn out.
      Meredith: Right. Exactly what I'm saying.
      Derek (sighs): We own a hospital full of machines. Let's go find out everything we can.

    • Callie: Well... I told Bailey she was getting her genome lab. She was so happy. (laughs) She looked great.
      Arizona: That's fantastic.
      Callie: Hey, are you okay?
      Arizona (voice breaking): Yeah. I'm just-- I'm really happy for Bailey.
      Callie: No, you're in pain. You've been standing all day. Here. Sit down. (slides a chair over)
      Arizona: You know, I really-- I don't-- (sits down) I don't want to keep saying yes and then not following through with it, okay? I-I really don't.
      Callie: No, I'm a jerk for putting pressure on you.
      Arizona: You know what? I think that I can try. I can try. It's just-- I need to adjust this thing.
      Callie (kneels in front of Arizona): Let me help.
      Arizona: Callie, don't.
      Callie: I am an orthopedic surgeon. Let me try. Give me your hands. (helps Arizona stand up) Now, can you remove your pants, please?
      Arizona (sighs): Yeah. (takes off her pants and Callie helps her sit down) Whoa. That's-- That's not fixing it. That's-- That's taking it off. (Callie takes off her leg)
      Callie: Look at me. (Arizona avoids eye contact). Look at me. I'm gonna put my hand on your leg.
      Arizona: No, Callie, don't. (Callie looks at her, Arizona nods, Callie puts her hand on her leg)
      Callie: The prosthetic is not the problem. You leg's your problem. I deal with residual limbs every single day. It's... they get sore. (Callie starts massaging Arizona's leg) Is that okay?
      Arizona: It feels better. You know, I could, um... I could give you a massage, too.
      Callie (chuckles): With your girlie hands? Forget it.
      Arizona (laughs): Thank you, Callie.
      Callie: Hey, right now I'm Dr. Torres. (Arizona smiles)

    • Jeff Russell: You're cutting my budget?
      Cristina: Just by a couple million.
      Jeff Russell: I asked you for more money, not less. I'll have to lose a resident, a-a research assistant--
      Cristina: Probably two... of each. Sorry.
      Jeff Russell: Wait. Wait. What does that leave me with?
      Cristina: It leaves you with me.
      Jeff Russell: To do the work of four people?
      Cristina: I am the best four people you will ever have working for you. I will treat your patients, take your surgeries, and assist in research. Including projects I find on my own. Feel free to pile it on.
      Jeff Russell: But I can't possibly--
      Cristina: Oh, the board believes you can.

    • Bailey: Is that a specimen cup?
      Jason: Yeah.
      Bailey: Did you place a warm up of pee next to me?
      Jason: It's my urine sample. What, should I go put it on your desk?
      Bailey: If you want to die.
      Jason: But the memo says that you're in charge of the random drug test policy. (Alex & Richard are watching and snickering)
      Bailey: Okay, whatever rugs you are doing, stop! (Alex & Richard are laughing, Bailey glares and they walk off. Jason takes his cup and walks off)
      Callie (walks up): Ew. What was that about?
      Bailey: Uh, that's what happens when the hospital's slow. The doctors start punking each other.
      Callie: Oh, well, I just wanted to let you know that we found funding for your project.
      Bailey: Oh, I get it. You popular kids are punking me, like this is some high school volleyball team. Well, I do not want to play varsity that bad, Kimberly.
      Callie: Bailey, you get your genome lab, for real.
      Bailey: Yeah, right.
      Callie: Yeah, Cristina just assembled a quick board meeting. Now we haven't dotted all the I's or crossed all the T's yet, but it looks like your gonna get your funding.
      Bailey: Avery said there wasn't any money.
      Callie: Yeah, well one of the other departments cut their budget.

    • Owen: Alright. Brooks.
      Jackson: Whoa. What are you doing?
      Owen: Hop in.
      Heather: Really?
      Owen: Mmhmm. Let's find that marble, and the rest of you line-up and watch. (Heather lays on the machine) At the very least, we're gonna figure out how to run this damn thing.
      April: Chief, we got a motorcycle accident coming in with extensive crush injuries.
      Owen: Hop out.
      Heather: What? But it only takes 13 seconds.
      Owen: Out now. And the rest of you, let's prep for incoming.

    • Cristina: This is exactly what I was afraid of. The administrative crap is taking over my career. Russell called me 'someone on the board.' I mean, he doesn't even see me as a surgeon, I'm just someone who cuts budgets.
      Meredith: Ugh. Stop kicking in there. I mean, what are you, choking on your cord or something? Cristina, please talk to it. He or she.
      Cristina: Who?
      Meredith: The baby.
      Cristina: No.
      Meredith: The sound of my voice only makes it kick harder. For some reason, Derek can calm it down. Maybe you can, too.
      Cristina: You know, I'll talk to it when I see it. When she gets her first period. I'll take that off your plate. Or if it has a penis, I'll tell him not to think with it.
      Meredith: Ow. Cristina, please, just talk to it.
      Cristina (sighs, and kneels in front of Mer, to her stomach): Hello. This is... (Bailey walks in) Cristina... Yang. I don't know. What do you want me to say?
      Meredith: Anything. Just talk.
      Bailey: Oh, get up. (to Mer's stomach) Hey, this is Miranda Bailey. I am an excellent surgeon and a forward thinker. Your mother's a surgeon. Your father's a surgeon. You'll very likely want to be one, too. But I'm hoping by the time it's your turn, there will be very little surgery left because human genome mapping will have given people information so that they can fight their diseases before they happen.
      Meredith: Keeping talking, it's working.
      Bailey: Uh, armed with information, people will be able to live longer, healthier lives. Now I know this is a very expensive undertaking, but maybe if you hadn't spend so much money on coffee sleeves and new logos, there'd be money in the budget to fund a forward thinker like me.
      Cristina: I think she's talking to us now.
      Bailey (sighs): Look, here is my proposal, which I've made to you because you're in charge. Which is messed up, but I'm not gonna go there because I want your money. (walks out)
      Cristina: We are in charge. I am in charge. I am gonna crush Marcus Cho because I am in charge.
      Meredith: Wait, don't leave. (Cristina walks out) Hey, Cristina, please talk to it. Ow.

    • (After Alex and his patient keep having Jason paged)
      Richard: Karev, a moment. (Alex walks over to him) What the hell are you doing?
      Alex: Dr. Webber, I was--
      Richard: Out of all the childish, sophomoric things to do to someone, this may be the most pathetic.
      Alex: Come on. Look at the kid. He lives in this hospital. He never gets to have any fun. What's the big deal?
      Richard: The big deal is, I thought you were better than this. Jenny Talia? You need to up your game.

    • Callie: That ass does not quit.
      Arizona: These heels are killing me. What was I thinking? I mean, heels were a pain even before I had a plastic leg. Why'd I think it'd be better now?
      Callie: Oh, can I take a look?
      Arizona: Nope.
      Callie: Oh, well, I just might be able to help.
      Arizona: Mm. You're not my doctor, you're my wife.
      Callie: Here we go.
      Arizona: What?
      Callie: Uh, we're not gonna have sex tonight.
      Arizona: Wh-- I-- Who said-- Who said that were not gonna have sex tonight?
      Callie: That's what you're saying. You just told me your leg hurts so that tonight when I put on my drop dead gorgeous underwear, you're gonna tell me to change into my sweats. And then when I look disappointed, you're gonna say, 'Please don't make that face, Callie. You know that my leg has been bothering me today,' and... (sighs)
      Arizona: What kind of manipulative bitch do you think I am?
      Callie: You're not manipulative and you're not a bitch. Okay? I'm a bitch. Yeah. You are uncomfortable like you have been for a very long time now, and if I were a really good person, I would continue to be patient, but apparently, I'm not.

    • Leah: I only have a dog bite and two patients with the flu.
      Heather: I have a sprained ankle.
      Leah: Yeah, let's do that. Get him in the machine.
      Owen: He doesn't need a full body scan.
      Heather: It's a really bad sprain.
      Jackson: I have a stomachache.
      Leah: A stomachache could be a tumor, kidney stones.
      Jackson: No, I have a stomachache. We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on that thing, and it's just sitting there.
      Owen (sighs): Okay, how bad is the sprain?

    • Callie (about the new x-ray machine): Nobody's tried it yet?
      April (sighs): No, not yet.
      Callie: That is sad. This is a beautiful machine.
      April: It is sad. It's like a carnival ride with all the lights turned off, just sitting there going to waste. It would be so fun--
      Callie: And it cost us a lot of money just to be pretty.
      April: Oh, why would god present us with this gorgeous thing, just put it right in front of us, and then want us not to use it?
      Callie: I... don't think god was involved. The board paid for it, so-- And we definitely want it to get used. (laughs)

    • Derek: It's been a few hours. I'd really like to get an update to the father.
      Shane: Okay, but just so you know, he's kind of a big, angry maniac.
      Derek: Oh, you can handle it.
      Shane: Of course. I'll just make sure security's close by.
      Derek: Look, Ross, this is an arena in which I know you excel. Just start with the positive news, be confident, and don't make any promises you can't keep. You're my voice out there.
      Shane: I'll channel you. It'll be fine. (imitates Derek) I'm Derek Shepherd, it's a beautiful day to save lives. (Derek glares) I'll channel you in my own voice.
      Derek: Thank you.

    • Bailey: Uh, Meredith Grey, I want to talk to you about human genome mapping.
      Meredith: Right now?
      Bailey: Yes, right now.
      Meredith: I'm operating.
      Bailey: Exactly. I have you cornered, you can't walk away or start talking about sexual antics you're going to engage in tonight. But you can listen.
      Meredith: Bailey.
      Bailey: Now! Genetic mapping can lead us to developing targeted therapies for diseases.
      Meredith (looking at the video inside her patient): Oh, no.
      Bailey: Oh, yes. Precision medicine, where we treat illness a its molecular source instead of just dealing with the consequences.
      Meredith (finding something in her patient): What's this?
      Bailey: What it is, is the future of medicine. It's a way that we can--
      Meredith: No, Bailey. Shut up.
      Bailey: Please. You're removing a gallstone. You can do that in your sleep.
      Meredith: No, it's not gallstones.
      Bailey (looks at the screen): Oh. It's calcified. Okay, well, you'll need to do a biopsy and maybe open her up. But don't think the worst.
      Meredith: This is a hard mass. This is cancer.

    • Callie: Fancy new E.R., and all I've done is splint a pinky? This is why we bought a hospital?
      Arizona: Uh, hey, if-- if we get off at a decent time, um, and we put Sofia down early, and I could make dinner, and we could, um... (smiles and looks at Callie)
      Callie: Really?
      Arizona: Really.
      Callie: So... You think tonight?
      Arizona: Is definitely the night.
      Callie: For sex, right? We're talking about sex?
      Arizona: The sexy night.
      Callie: Okay.
      Bailey (walks in): Ladies, hey, just the two people I was looking for.
      Callie: Uh, walk away, Bailey.
      Bailey: No, no, I need to speak to board members, and I remember you all giving me some kind of crap about how the door's always open, so--
      Callie: Oh, right now it's closed.
      Bailey: One minute.
      Callie: It's the wrong minute.
      Bailey: Are you kidding me? Okay, what happened to the new hospital, run by doctors, all about doctors?
      Callie: Okay, well, it-- What happened is, my wife's new leg is making her feel sexy. And we haven't had sex in a long time. I mean, we've done stuff, don't get me wrong. But we haven't done other stuff, and other stuff is happening tonight. So that's what we were talking about when you interrupted us--
      Bailey: Walking away. (walks out)
      Arizona: You warned her.
      Callie: I did.

    • April: Did you just update a patient file? (Mer nods) Watch this. (updates it on the electronic board) So cool!
      Meredith: You do get excited about things.
      April: Yes, I do. Hey, how's that baby?
      Meredith: Oh, it probably has three arms and a tail. (April laughs) How's your paramedic boyfriend?
      April: Terrible. I mean, um, great. Perfect. Just not-- I probably have to break up with him.
      Meredith: Why?
      April: Okay, are-- Are you rally asking? Because I really need to talk about this.
      Meredith: Well, now I'm not sure I'm asking.
      April: Okay... Uh, Matthew's never... been to the carnival. And he thinks that I haven't either because that's what I told him, but I have.
      Meredith: I'm sorry. And you want to go to the carnival together?
      April: Because I've been already and I... rode the rides.
      Meredith (realizing): Oh. You went to the carnival with Jackson.
      April: I have ridden the rides... and they are good-- The tilt-a-whirl and then that one that spins around when your back is up against the wall and then the floor falls out from underneath your feet. And I want Matthew to go with me, but he wants to wait, which is... why he's perfect, because that's what I want. I always wanted to wait, but I didn't wait. And now I just-- Every night push him closer and closer. And I feel like I'm just gonna slip and buy him a ticket and shove him on the tilt-a-whirl. And then he's gonna love it, and I will have corrupted him. And I-I'm not a corrupter.
      Meredith: Well, I don't know why you're talking to me about this. I am a big fan of the carnival and I go every chance I get.
      April: Yes, I know. But--
      Meredith: Okay, so you whole thing is, uh god has a plan, right?
      April: Yeah.
      Meredith: Well, there must a reason why god let you go to the carnival already. Maybe you're supposed to take Matthew.
      April: You're right, I should not be talking to you about this.

    • Bailey: Dr. Yang, you got a sec?
      Cristina: Um, I don't. I'm looking for Dr. Russell.
      Bailey: Well, I'm looking for funding.
      Cristina: Ugh. You're pitching me now?
      Bailey: Yeah. You're on the board.
      Cristina: And I have been postponing research to write policy to become, like, a lawyer. While people like Marcus Cho are out there doing it.
      Bailey: We should be doing it. Don't you want this hospital to be on the cutting edge of medical research?
      Cristina: Exactly. We're on the same page.
      Bailey: Okay. Then you'll fund my genome project.
      Cristina: What? No. I need to find some badass, earth-shattering cario research I can get in on.

    • Bailey: Oh, Dr. Avery. Hey, I know you've been thinking about raising the profile of the hospital.
      Jackson: Not today, Dr. Bailey. Today I am going to the E.R. to find something to operate on.
      Bailey: Well, I have a proposal for a Grey Sloan human genome mapping program that'll cost less than Chicago's program.
      Jackson: No money. We spent it on the new E.R.
      Bailey: Okay, if you and the other board members would just read over--
      Jackson: I am a doctor today, Bailey.

    • Owen: And now what you have all been waiting for... (flips on light switch) Mm, the Lodux-- Low-dose radiation x-ray statscanner. It provides full body anterior and lateral views. The low radiation makes imaging safer for children and pregnant women. It is our most cutting-edge tool in diagnostic technology. (Leah raises her hand) Murphy.
      Leah: When can we use it?
      Heather: Ooh, I'll volunteer. When I was 6, I stuck a marble in my nose, and it never came out. We checked my stool for over a year.
      Owen: Listen, this is not a toy. I know we all want to see this thing in action. But be patient. The last thing we need is some line forming when some real trauma comes in.

    • Cristina (looking at a magazine): Awesome. We are awesome. (to Alex) Did you see our picture in this?
      Meredith (sighs): I'm at 29 weeks and I am worried about DiGeorge syndrome.
      Alex: DiGeorge? There's, like, what a 1 in 100,000? It's too rare. more likely it'll have a cleft palate or a heart defect.
      Cristina: Wait, if your baby has a heart defect, I will fix it.
      Meredith: What about phenylketonuria?
      Alex: No, we screen for that at birth and treat it with diet.
      Meredith: What about a giant hemangioma? Like a huge, out-of-control bloodsucker?
      Alex: Now that's a possibility. Or maybe a congenital cystic adenomatoid malformation.
      Cristina: Again, I will operate and do a lung transplant. We own a hospital-- (reading from the magazine) 'A cutting edge, research oriented hospital with an advanced level-1 trauma center.' Whatever's wrong with your baby, we will fix it.
      Meredith: But you agree, there's definitely something wrong?
      Cristina (still looking at the magazine): Oh, my god. Marcus Cho.
      Meredith: Who's Marcus Cho?
      Cristina: Uh, uh, he's like a high functioning moron who was like a year behind me at Stanford. And he just got published with his attending for... No. No.
      Meredith: What?
      Cristina: Robot-assisted surgery for mitral valve regurgitation!
      Meredith: He looks kind of smart.
      Cristina: He's a moron! (walks off)
      Alex: I heard there was an O.B. using forceps during a breech delivery, pulled a little too hard and... (snaps) Pop.
      Meredith: Now that's what I'm talking about.

    • Meredith: And we own a hospital.
      Derek: Yeah, we have for several weeks now.
      Meredith: Yeah, but today it has an E.R. and, uh, coffee sleeves with the new logo on them. (Cristina walks up, Mer takes her coffee) We needed the coffee sleeves, right? They're a good expense?
      Cristina: Oh, yeah. For branding. We had a 17-hour meeting about it.
      Richard (walks up): I love the new logo, it really catches the eye. And, uh, these coffee sleeves-- Excellent thermal retention.
      Derek: What's up with the sheet?
      Jackson: I thought you guys put it there for some kind of unveiling.
      Derek: No.
      Richard: Well, somebody should say a few words, right? I mean, it's unlucky not to.
      Arizona (walks up, with Callie): Hey, why are you guys staring at the wall?
      Cristina: Oh, we're waiting for the... big unveiling.
      Callie: Mm. Well, you should be staring at my wife.
      Meredith: New haircut?
      Callie: No. It's her leg. She's wearing high heels.
      Callie: Because she has a sexy high-heel leg that makes her ass go pow.
      Cristina: Wow. Ooh, wow. Baby got back.
      Callie: Mmhmm. Come on, guys. You can comment, too. You have permission. It's a one time in your life you can say it... and, uh, not be gross.
      Richard: Well, I think it's a fine gluteal--
      Arizona (laughs): Oh, no. Yeah. Let's just do the unveiling.
      Jackson: Uh, guys, I think the painters actually just left that there. (pulls the sheet down revealing the Grey Sloan Memorial logo) Let's get back to work. End of speech.

    • (Arizona is putting on high heels)
      Callie: Need any help?
      Arizona: Nope, it's on. You ready?
      Callie: Mmhmm.
      Arizona (opens the door): Obviously I won't be wearing it with a t-shirt and underwear. (laughs)
      Callie: Oh, no, no, no. You should only wear it with a t-shirt and underwear. (laughs and walks toward Arizona) Or nothing... would be even better.
      Arizona: Okay, I have to practice for a little while if I want to wear it to work. (smiles and walks past Callie)
      Callie: Yeah, totally.

    • Owen: 13 seconds to run a low-exposure, high-resolution, full body x-ray. When this E.R. reopens tomorrow, this thing is gonna save us time, money, and lives.
      Cristina: Say that first part again.
      Owen: What, 13 seconds for a full body x-ray? We're gonna be able to do a complete evaluation of, uh, G.S.Ws, stabbings, crush injuries, without ever having to leave this E.R.
      Cristina: Do you like your new toy?
      Owen: Uh, yeah.
      Cristina: Then shut up and thank me for it. (they kiss)

    • Meredith: (about her baby) Her eyesight is developing this week. Unless it's not. Unless she's blind.
      Derek: She's not blind. Or he's not. Or if he or she is blind, that's fine. Blind is fine.
      Meredith: What do we call it, it?
      Derek: One of us can say he, one of us can say she, and we're covered.
      Meredith: Well, no, because then it's gonna be born thinking one of us is always wrong. Well, maybe it can't hear anyway. Maybe it's deaf.
      Derek: Deaf is fine. Helen Keller went to Harvard, Meredith.
      Meredith: Okay, well, what if it's not fine? What if it's absorbed a twin body? Two heads, extra arms--
      Derek: Stop.
      Meredith: I'm just saying, if anyone's gonna have a baby with two heads and three arms and eleven toes, it's gonna be me.
      Derek: Would you just go to sleep? Please. Sleep.

    • Meredith: (opening voiceover) Work keeps our minds active. It keeps us out of trouble. When we're not working, our hands are idle, and the devil will find work for idle hands to do. And when you have an idle mind, well, that's the devil's playground, too.

    • Meredith: (closing voiceover) At first, idleness can seem like a welcome distraction the troublemaking and the fun. Everyone needs some idle time to focus on something other than work. Even if it means focusing on something that's a little bit scary. Stepping back from work is the only way to get perspective. And it's only after we have everything in perspective that we remember where our hands truly belong.

  • Notes

  • Allusions