Derek: Shane, what's going on?
Shane: Multi-car mash-up in the E.R.
Derek (to Mer): It would be a shame to wake the kids. (Mer smiles)
(Getting into a cab)
April: Shotgun! I get car sick in the back. (sits down and shuts the door) Ugh. I might get car sick in the front. (cab driver rolls down window) Thank you.
Leah (to Arizona, who's in the back of the cab): I'm about to take my internship exam which means I am about to be a second year resident. My babysitting days are done. And I would appreciate, if moving forward, you would treat me with the respect that entails.
Arizona: You're adorable. Excuse me. (shuts the door)
Jo: I have the results.
Alex: I don't wanna--
Jo: He's your dad.
Jo: Oh, my God. I jumped the gun. I am sorry. I am so sorry. (Alex walks off, angry) Alex!
Cristina: Hey. Are you gonna head back up the street?
Owen: Uh, no. I was just heading home.
Cristina: Listen, I don't blame you for not wanting to get out there and date. People are... Gross. But we look great. So you wanna go hit Joe's?
Emma (walks in): Hey.
Emma: Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?
Owen: You're here?
Emma: Yeah, I... Uh, really, uh, had a good excuse all worked up, and now I'm completely blanking.
Cristina: I was just heading home.
Emma: It was really nice to meet you.
Cristina: You, too.
Owen: Good night.
Gene (look at the brochures): Look at this. They got a picture of a damn rabbit hopping through a meadow. Sunshine and daisies and friggin' bunny rabbits.
Richard: Could be worse. You could die in that bed... In this room. This hospital could be the last place you see. You don't wanna die here.
Gene: No, I don't. It is a pretty lawn. If I gotta kick, it could be nice to do it outside. The food's gotta be better than what they served here. I wouldn't feed that slop to a gypsy. I said 'I wouldn't' I was being nice. (Richard picks up his breathing machine and breathes into it, Bailey is looking on and smiles)
Stephanie: I have to talk to you. Look, I don't know what happened--
Jackson: Oh, would you stop? I've been here too many times, honestly. I'm too old. I'm too busy to be playing games with you.
Stephanie: I'm not playing games.
Jackson: You're pissed because I didn't invite you to this stupid thing, and now you're getting back at me with Ross.
Stephanie: That's not true.
Jackson: Oh, you're not pissed at me?
Stephanie: Yes! I was. Yeah, I was, okay? You threw a party, and you didn't invite me. So yeah, my feelings were hurt a little bit. But that has nothing to do with what happened in the E.R. Ross kissed me. I don't know where it came from. I did not ask for it. I swear.
Jackson: Yeah... Fine. And this wasn't a party. This was work. Nobody wanted to come. I never thought you did. If you and I are gonna do this, you gotta start talking to me. No more getting mad and then waiting to see if I know you're mad or any of that.
Stephanie: Yeah, okay. I didn't want him to kiss me. I want you to kiss me. (they kiss)
Cristina: I heard you were here. I just wanted to, um, catch you before you leave.
Man: Here... Here I am. I like the blue.
Cristina: Oh, thank you. (He hands her a check) Oh! There are more zeros than fit in this little box.
Man: Let's get outta here.
Cristina: To... uh, where?
Man: Come on. Don't be coy. You like me. There's no way this was all about the money.
Cristina: Oh... No, it was all about the money.
Man: You flirt with me all night, get me to write this big check, and then nothing?
Man: And you don't even feel a little bit bad about that?
Man: That's actually even hotter.
Cristina (laughs): You have a good night. (walks away)
Man (calls after her): It actually doesn't have to all be about the money. You could sleep with me for free. (Cristina laughs and waves bye)
Shane: Jake's in the I.C.U, should pull through. How are things down here?
Stephanie: Oh, you know... only amazing I cannot believe that I was in such a snit over not going to a stupid party. I mean, I have done burr holes, a crike, and I pulled a hunk of glass this big (demonstrates with her fingers) out of a dude's face! You are totally right. I am a rock star. You are a rock star. We are rock stars.
Shane: We're not rock stars. We're sharks.
Stephanie: We're rock sharks.
Richard: Hey, hey! What-- What's this?
Bailey: You're getting a roommate. Gene, Richard. Richard, Gene.
Gene Sears: Calm down, Dick. The way you look I can't imagine you're gonna be around much longer anyway. (Richard gives him a look)
Bailey: These are a few options for facilities that assist with end of life care. (puts brochures on Richard) Since you two are in the same boat, figured you could go through them together. (walks out)
Gene Sears (to nurse): Crack a window when you go. It smells like something died in here. (Richard gives him another look)
Meredith: That surgery was incredible. I haven't felt this relaxed in months.
Derek: Me either. (stands behind her in the mirror)
Derek: You, me, an exam room, and your panties pinned to a bulletin board.
Meredith (turns to face him): Oh, the prom. (laughs) Except you didn't have blood on your suit and I wasn't wearing a sweatshirt.
Derek: I think it's sexy.
Meredith: Now you're doing the sparkly eye thing.
Derek: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Derek: Is it working? (Mer laughs, Derek picks her up and kisses her)
Jo (opens the door to find Alex trying to to stick himself with a needle): Wow. I usually have a really good radar for this crap.
Alex: What the hell are you talking about?
Jo: What the hell is this?
Alex (looks at his arm): Oh, that's not funny. Don't freakin' joke like that. I don't do that. I'm just trying to do a freaking blood draw.
Alex: I think my Dad's in the hospital.
Jo: I don't understand what that means.
Alex: I don't know. I can't-- I haven't seen him in 20 years. This guy-- Some old junkie-- Crashed a car, has no I.D., he ragged, wrecked. But his voice in the E.R-- Guy called me Sinatra. It was like somebody poured ice water down my neck. That feeling hasn't gone away.
Jo: So this is a paternity test?
Alex: I don't know. No. I thought I could live the rest of my life and never see him again. I don't want it to be him.
Jo: If you take the test, then you'll know for sure. If it isn't him, then that feeling will go away.
Alex: I guess that's true.
Jo: Mmhmm. Yeah. You know, I'm actually pretty smart. You'd know that if you tried talking to me instead of ditching me at fancy parties.
Alex: I'm sorry.
Jo: Yeah. (puts gloves on) Okay.
(Watching Irina's surgery)
Man: Are we even allowed to be here?
Jackson: Yes. I spoke with Irina's husband. He said that if there's one thing that she believes in, it's that the show must go on. Now we showed you guys the circus tonight. Now, this-- This is the real show. This is what we do here. We are gonna get this woman back on her feet. Now, before you leave this evening I would ask that you please consider helping us get back on ours.
Man: How much do you need?
Owen: You said what?!
Callie: I was cornered by the widow Amos... who was, you know, actually a widow. Oh, her story was so sad and she took out her checkbook, and I--- Ugh I'm so gross.
Owen: Yeah. I sort of get it, though.
Owen: Mm. This stuff-- It's not easy. And Cristina-- She keeps pushing me to date.
Callie: Ugh, god. I can't even think about that.
Owen: Yeah. You really can't keep telling people that she's dead.
Callie: I know.
(They are laughing in the supply closet, drunk)
Arizona: Oh, this is really, really fun, and I needed fun.
April: Me, too! (they continue laughing) Can I try on your leg? (Arizona stops laughing and then bursts out laughing)
Derek (from the gallery): What are you doing?
Meredith: Repairing a gastric rupture. It's fun.
Derek: You can't just decide to operate.
Meredith: Derek, you're better at charming the donors than I am. I admit it. You can have it.
Derek: We had a deal.
Meredith: You're more than welcome to come and join me. Come get a little blood on your hands. I'll even let you hold the retractor.
Derek (smiles): Alright. I'm gonna change.
Bailey: What do you need?
Gene Sears: I haven't played chess in a year.
Bailey (sighs): I can't keep having this fight, Gene.
Gene Sears: No, I know. I just... The guys at the park stopped letting me play. 'Cause of the things I say. I'm not trying to offend you. That's not true. I said a couple of those things on purpose, so... I'm sorry. You don't have to play the game, but please... I'm scared. I don't have anybody. I don't wanna be alone.
Derek: Have you seen my wife?
Jackson: Uh, she, hopped on a rig with the paramedics.
Derek: Damn it! (starts walking out)
Jackson: Shepherd! Shepherd! (Jo walks by) Wilson, where the hell is Karev?
Jo: Question of the night. You know, I should be at work right now. You know, Stephanie doesn't realize how lucky she is. She should be thanking you instead of being pissed at you.
Jackson: Yeah. Wait, what? She wanted to come tonight?
Jo: She bought a dress.
Jackson: She never said anything.
Jo: Of course not. If she had to say something, it wouldn't mean as much as if you'd had the idea on your own.
Jackson: Oh, my god. My head hurts some much.
Jo (exhales): It doesn't matter now. The party died the minute the aerialist fell on Big Bird. People see a woman's tibia impale on her own foot, it's hard to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Jackson: They're gonna be fine. Alright. There's a hospital right down... down the street. (realizes an idea)
Derek (as Leah is getting champagne and snacks): Murphy, those aren't for you.
Leah: Yeah, I know.
Shane: Everything okay, Dr. Yang?
Cristina: A pericardial window is a pretty risky move for an intern.
Shane: I... I didn't have a choice. The fluid was too thick for a pericardiocentisis.
Cristina: You had a choice. You could have called someone the minute he tamponaded, but you didn't. You basically got to do a surgery in the E.R and now you're up here with me, while Edwards is down in the pit. You're a shark, Ross.
Shane: I'm not! I swear.
Cristina: Ross, it's a good thing. All great surgeons are sharks. You see what you want and do whatever it takes to get it. Like me. And never apologize. Sharks never apologize. (the monitor starts beeping rapidly) Monitor.
Shane: Where's that coming from?
Cristina: It's coming from inside. That means we have two options. One-- We can put him back on bypass, undo all our work, and find the source, or... Two-- I can take a guess, throw in a U-stitch and hope I don't shred the heart in the process. Dr. Ross, what do you think?
Shane: Sharks don't swim backward, only forward... or they die.
Cristina: Option 2 it is. 4-0 prolene.
Richard (about the breathing mask): I don't want this!
Bailey: There is a man down the hall, he is ornery. He's a jackass. He's dying. And he won't stop fighting, even though there isn't anything I can do for him. And then I've got you. You got a million options, and you refuse to try. You have atelectasis. You are in danger for pneumothorax pneumonia, R.D.S. And Meredith Grey is ready to let you slip into a coma. But I am not! You breathe in through this, your lungs get stronger, you get better. It's damn simple math. What do you wanna do? (Richard picks up machine and throws it)
Jackson: Oh, hey, I'm comin' with.
Owen: How are we doing on our fund-raising goal?
Jackson: Oh, we're not even halfway there.
Owen: Well, then you've got plenty to do here.
(They are now drunk in the supply closet)
April: It's all about forgiveness and that's... That's what's important. You-- He... He sees me for who I am. And he accepts me for what I've done. But that's-- That's everything.
Arizona: Are we talking about Matthew or Jesus?
Leah (opens door): Dr. Robbins?
Leah: You paged me...
Leah: ... to a closet?
Arizona: I need you to run across to the gala and grab a bottle of champagne because we're low.
April: We are low.
Leah: You want me to steal booze from the party I wasn't invited to?
April: And snacks!
Leah: Screw this day.
Arizona: Uh, thank you, Murphy. (Leah shuts the door)
April: Thank you.
Arizona: Do you think Callie's ever gonna forgive me?
April: Prolly not. She's tellin' everyone at the gala that you're dead.
Cristina (answers her phone): Edwards, someone better be dying.
Stephanie: I'm really hoping to avoid that, Dr. Yang.
(Taking care of one of the performers after the fall)
Cristina: Do you think that he's watching?
Cristina: Richie Rich. Because we look freakin' amazing right now.
Meredith: Cristina, gross.
(One of the Cirque de Soleil performers fall)
Alex: Was that part of it?
Meredith: I don't think so.
Widow: Every night Harvey would whisper 'I love you' into my ear just as I was falling asleep. It's been ten years since, and still, every night, I feel like I can hear his voice. Do you ever feel like that-- Like she's still with you?
Jackson: Alright-- Can I have everyone's attention please?
Callie: Oh, speech! Speech! Everybody hush up! (to Widow) Oh, sorry. He's gonna talk now.
Cristina (walks up to the bar): Another whiskey soda.
Bartender: That's your fifth one.
Cristina: Who are you, my Mom? (to Alex) I'm not drinking. Gotta stay sharp. This is for the C.F.O of A.E.C interactive. Got him on the ropes. Every drink he knocks back is another 'zero' added to the check I collect at the end of the night.
Alex: That sounds wrong.
Cristina: Right or wrong don't live here, son. This is the wild west. This is so much! It's like when we were interns, stealing surgeries, playing dirty. I don't really get to do that anymore.
Meredith (walks up, wearing a hoodie): Does this look stupid? The kid spit up on my dress, and in my dress... all over, really.
Cristina: Oh, for the love of god, Mer. You're making it so easy.
Owen: I've been watching you. Chatting up our donors, stealing my stories. You're a thief.
Emma: You've been watching me?
Owen: Mmhmm. Who are you?
Emma: Dr. Emma Marling, maternal-fetal medicine, Seattle Pres. After that storm, we've been hurting, too... badly. I've been pushing our board to throw a fund-raise for weeks, and I can't get any traction. So here I am... Borrowing yours. I'm not a thief.
Owen: You stole my story.
Emma: It's a good story.
Owen: I don't get this. You are here to get donations, and you spend all this time talking to me.
Emma: You-- You want me to say it? (Owen looks confused) Look at you.
(April & Arizona are drinking champagne in a supply closet, all dressed up for the gala)
Arizona: This is really very sweet of you. You don't have to-- You don't have to sit here with me.
April: I don't mind.
Arizona: I just... (sighs) I can't stand the way she looks at me, the way that everyone looks at me.
April: Uh, no one's looking at you.
Arizona: Please. I grew up gay. I know what it feels like when people are staring. You're missing a leg, and they stare. And everyone knows you're a cheater, and they stare. And they talk, and they judge, and they... stare. (sighs, looks at April) Like that.
April: W-What? C-Come on, now. You were telling a story.
Arizona: I know-- I know how you must feel about me. And I know you try and hide it, but I can see it on your face.
April: What do you think you see?
Arizona: You know... Jesus.
April (scoffs): Oh, come on. Oh, what, to be-- it's-- I-I'm incapable of empathy because I go to church? What is that about? I cam empathize like nobody's business, especially with a cheater.
Arizona: You're right. I'm sorry.
April: I'm sorry for calling you a cheater.
Arizona: I am, though.
April: I know.
Arizona (sighs): She stared at me, too. But the way she stared... felt... really, really good. You know?
April: Actually, I do.
Bailey: What is the matter with you? I know that this is a difficult time but you cannot talk to my nurses that way.
Gene Sears (pushes chess board towards her): Your move.
Gene Sears: I figured out your problem, your mind is all closed off.
Bailey: Oh-- Oh, my mind is closed?
Gene Sears: We need to get it fired up so you can figure out how you're gonna get this cancer outta me. Here... I figured you'd want to play black, 'cause, well... you know.
Bailey: If there was anything that I thought that we could try...
Gene Sears: There is. Make a move.
Bailey: Yeah, I have other patients. I-I can't just stand here and--
Gene Sears: What would Rosa Parks say?
Bailey: Excuse me?
Gene Sears: Or Martin Luther King? You think that they'd just stand over there and make excuses like you are? You people are supposed to be tougher than this.
Bailey: Yeah, oh, I believe that you and I have reached the end of our ability to work together. I'll have a counselor come by and talk to you about the brochures.
Gene Sears: Ah, I see. You're giving up on me because you don't like the way I talk. You're just gonna let me die 'cause I offend you.
Bailey: I am trying to give you the best care I possibly can despite the fact that you offend me. You are rude and demeaning, and I am still trying you move on in the most comfortable way possible.
Gene Sears: I am not going to move on. I am not going to pass away or go to heaven or make a journey home. I am going to die. My lungs are gonna deflate. I'm gonna lose control of my bowels. My tongue's gonna roll to the back of my head. I am going to bed dead. There's no making it sound nice or pretty. It is not good. I am going to cease to exist. And I don't want to. I'm not ready. So get off your ass and do something!
Callie (telling people Arizona died to get donations): It was a beautiful service, but after... little Sofia just kept asking... "Why is Mommy not coming home with us"? (fake sobs)
Woman (hands her a tissue): You are so strong.
Callie (dabs eyes with tissue): No, really, it's my work that's kept me strong. (fakes sobs) This... This hospital-- You know, these-- These people.
Woman: That's beautiful. Where can I make my donation?
Callie (stops sobbing instantly): Right over there next to the stairs. ... (continues story to other people standing by her) The nights are the hardest though...
Woman 2: I know exactly what you mean. Ever since Harvey died, I can't fall asleep in our bed. I spend all of my nights on the couch... with the cat.
Callie: Exactly. Wait, what?
Cristina (after sending Emma away from Owen): You are barking up the wrong tree with that one. You are never going to get a donation out of her. Those shoes-- Outlet mall all the way. You want... (points) That.
Owen: What-- That old lady?
Cristina: That old lady in Chanel. Go get 'em, Tiger.
Meredith (walks up to Derek who is holding Bailey at the Gala): You pulled a sleeping baby out of daycare to do your dirty work? You're disgusting.
Derek: He's got his Mother's sparkle. (Bailey fusses) Oh, and he's hungry.
Meredith: Convenient. (Derek hands her Bailey) I'm gonna kill you dead. (Derek smirks and fixes his bow tie)
(Shane & Stephanie are running the E.R)
Nurse: Doctors! Incoming!
Shane (to Stephanie): Do you wanna call someone or do you wanna be a rock star?
Stephanie (to everyone): Somebody call the blood bank make sure they've got plenty of O-neg on deck. I want those trauma rooms ready for action. Anyone who can be moved, move them! We need all the empty beds we can get!
Shane: Hey! You heard her. Lock a load.
Stephanie: Jake's febrile and he's got a crazy high white count. You factor in the heroin, and we're probably looking at endocarditis and I think he's got a pericardial effusion. So he can tamponade at the drop of a hat. And there's another multiple on its way in.
Shane: It's like medical whack-a-mole. I love it.
Stephanie: Kepner said we should call someone if we're in over our heads. (Alex walks in) Oh, good. Dr. Karev.
Alex: Uh, hey. I just wanted to follow up on the abdominal pain kid.
Shane: C.T. was negative, so we gave him a couple fluid boluses and sent him home.
Alex: Great. Um, what about those guys?
Shane: Uh, they're pretty banged up. But nothing we can't handle.
Alex: Great. Good. Uh, keep it up. (walks off)
Stephanie: Nothing we can't handle?
Shane: We've been preparing for this all year. They have their party tonight. This is ours. Enjoy it.
Emma (walks up to Owen talking to a guy): Well, now I wanna hear that story. Emma Marley.
Owen: Owen Hunt.
Emma: Ah, Chief of surgery. Well, I guess Grey Sloan is pulling out its 'A' game tonight. I wasn't sure when I got a load of the clowns.
Owen: Oh, come on. Clowns are great. People love clowns. (pauses, the smirks)
Emma: You worried me there for a second. I was afraid you and I weren't gonna have anything to talk about.
Owen: Hey, um... buy you a drink?
Emma: Isn't it an open bar?
Owen: The price is right.
Jo: What are you doing?
Alex: Eating shrimp at a party.
Jo: I just spent 20 minutes talking to donors about you and they'd prefer to be talking to you.
Meredith: Cristina. You and I have to join forces so that Derek does not win Avery's money.
Cristina: Prison's changed you.
Owen (walks up): We are in trouble. Avery bet the farm on this party.
Cristina: Listen to you two. This is not that difficult. Just be charming. Use the same skills you would if you were picking someone up at a bar. (to Meredith) I know you know how to do that. (to Owen) And you need to practice if we're gonna get serious about meeting new people.
Cristina: Meredith Grey. As I live and breathe... I haven't seen you in ages. How's Derek liking maternity leave?
Meredith: He's on paternity leave.
Cristina: Yeah, okay.
Meredith: We have a deal. I don't work. Neither does he. It's working out well.
Callie: I live in your house. You're bored out of your minds. Yeah, they've got all this pent-up surgical energy and now everything's a competition.
Meredith: It is not.
Callie: And he's winning.
Meredith: He is not winning. He couldn't even get Zola to put her shoes on tonight. I did that. I got her to put her shoes on. So I'm winning. (Cristina & Callie give her a look) I need to come back to work. (a waiter walks by wearing a clown mask)
Cristina (laughs): That's the creepiest waiter I've ever seen.
Callie: Bailey is going to lose her mind. She can't stand clowns. This is gonna be hilarious.
Meredith: Bailey's not coming.
Callie: What?! Wait, we can do that? Okay, I have been dreading having to be in the same room with Arizona. If this isn't mandatory, I'm going home.
Jackson (walks up): Oh, nobody's going home. I'm giving 10% of tonight's take to the department that raises the most money. Spread the word. (walks off)
Meredith: Wow. Derek is really good at this kind of thing. I should get started before he does.
Callie: Oh, I think he already has. (points to Derek who is juggling)
April: Oh, don't we look spiffy.
Alex: Yeah, I do. You look like crap.
April: I haven't had a chance to freshen up yet, you ass.
Leah: Trade assignments with me.
Leah: You're in a bad mood because your crappy boyfriend didn't invite you to the gala. But you know what's gonna make you feel better? Spending a night on the Peds floor... With all the delightful little children.
Stephanie: Or I could just punch my crappy boyfriend in the junk.
Leah: Why not both? (sees Shane walking by) Shane, trade with me.
Shane: I'm a surgeon, not a baby sitter.
Leah: Me either. Why do I get screwed.
Shane: Cruel twist of fate?
April: Hey. Ross! Edwards! It's just the two of you down here tonight so if you find yourselves in over your head, call a grown up.
Owen: Hey. I really hope that red carpet is something you had lying around the house, Avery. We're trying to raise money tonight, not waste it.
Jackson: I grew up in this world. I know how it works. We're attracting serious people with serious money and tailoring an event to them. Tonight is going to be tasteful, sophisticated, conservative. (they walk into the event and see fire and belly dancers)
Owen: You and I have very different definitions of the word 'conservative'. (walks off)
Jackson: Ari... What did you spend my money on?
Ari: This is what you want. You want spectacle-- Pizzazz.
Jackson: Do I look like someone who wants pizzazz?
Ari: When people think of hospitals, they think of death, disease... old people. Not sexy. We are giving them Las Vegas. We are giving them a show. People are more inclined to open their wallets if they're having fun.
Meredith: (closing voiceover) Overture, curtain, lights. This is it... the night of nights. No more rehearsing and nursing a part. We know every part by heart. Tonight, what heights we'll hit on with the show. This is it.
(Meredith and Derek compete with each other to be the fundraiser who got the most money)
Derek: What was that?
Meredith: What was what?
Derek: That whole sparkly eye thing.
Meredith: Well, I can't help it if my eyes have a natural sparkle.
Derek: You were flirting.
Meredith: I don't know what you're talking about. Go juggle some balls.
Derek: You just brought a knife to a gun fight.
Bailey: (referring to Richard) He's falling apart. He's refused to use incentive spirometry. And-and his right lung is just about ready to collapse.
Meredith: If he wants to suffer, then maybe we let him.
Bailey: Oh, so you're gonna let him die because he hurt your feelings?
Meredith: There isn't anything that he can say to me that I haven't heard from my mother a thousand times. I'm bulletproof. But we can force all the treatment on him we want. It won't make a difference if he decides he does not want to fight for himself. Maybe he just needs to see what it feels like to hit bottom.
Meredith: (opening voiceover) As anyone who's ever had their tonsils out can tell you, surgery isn't cheap. It takes a lot of money to keep a hospital's doors open. And when the funds run out, it's on us to get out there and raise some more which means it's time to put on makeup. It's time to dress up right. It's time to get things started on "The Muppet Show" to... Crap. Sorry. I've been watching a lot of children's television lately. But you get the idea.
Original International Air Dates:
Norway: February 4, 2014 on TV2