Grey's Anatomy Season 2 Episode 14

Izzie: You want me to open it?
Alex: Yeah, yeah you know it's just, I can't.
Izzie: I shouldn't-- I mean--
Alex: Look you already think I'm an idiot. It won't be anything shocking.
Izzie (opens his test results): Congratulations. You are not an idiot. Except when you're being an idiot.

Burke: Next time you forge my signature, let me know. Save me a trip.
Meredith: That's it? You're not going to yell and say 'Dammit Grey' and storm out?
Burke (smiles): I will if you want me to.
Meredith: No.
(A little later)
Meredith: Thank you for not chewing me out for forging your signature.
Burke: Thank you. (Meredith looks confused) I know it was probably you who convinced Cristina. She's very strong but she listens to you. If you told her to move in ... (he smiles briefly) Anyway, thank you. (he walks away leaving Meredith looking uncomfortable)
Meredith: No problem.

Izzie: Hey, hey. What are you going to do? Punch him out?
Alex: Yeah.
Izzie: So you're going to kick his ass, get yourself kicked out of the program, before you have to open your board scores which is incase you failed. (her beeper goes off) God, you're such an idiot. (walks away)

Cristina: He's making me stand at the back of the O.R while he re-attaches Rick's fingers. I can't even touch a retractor. I hate him.
Meredith: Truth. Did you move in with Burke or not?
Cristina (sighs): I told him I moved in with him. I'm keeping my old apartment. (Meredith gives her a look) What? I sleep with Burke every night. My clothes are there. So I still have my apartment, big deal.
Meredith: You have to tell him.
Cristina: Actually, I don't.
Meredith: So I'm supposed to go to dinner at your fake apartment with the guy you fake live with?
Cristina: Oh, I would never have you over to dinner with Burke. That's weird.
Meredith: This is my point. Stop with the lying.
Cristina: And you're being honest? That last time you called him Mc Dreamy you were all a-twitter with love.
Meredith: We're just friends.
Cristina: Uh huh.
Meredith: We are.

Burke: Do you want to come over for dinner?
Meredith (shocked): What?
Burke: Dinner. Our place. Mine and Cristina's.
Meredith (still shocked): Why?
Burke: You're Cristina's best friend. I want her to feel welcome to have friends in our home.
Meredith: Oh, so she's moved in with you?
Burke: Yes. (suddenly confused) Didn't she tell you?
Meredith (forces a smile): Of course she told me. Why wouldn't she tell me? She's in, right? Which you know I think is great.
Burke: Great. (he walks away, leaving Meredith shocked and confused)

Patrica (reading a note): 'The surgical floor has become a dumping ground for patients who aren't even surgical. We are overworked and exhausted. This makes for un...'
Richard: The nurses again? Can't you do something about this? You used to be one of them. Don't you speak nurse?
Patrica (stops reading the note): That's why you don't get any respect from the nurses; surgical arrogance.
Richard: I'm not arrogant.
Patrica: You're killing them with that workload. Look at the board!
Richard: What? That's a beautiful board.
Patrica: That's a crowded board. (she hands him the note she's reading) We need more nurses!

Bailey: Except I know the mild concerned tone. I've used it myself from time to time.
Addison: Sometimes false labor is the body's way of telling you to slow down.
Bailey: I'm a surgeon.
Addison: I understand the realities of your job but you need to understand the realities of your pregnancy and take it easy. Is there anything I can do to help?
Bailey: Uh, yeah for starters you can help me get up off this table.
Izzie (knocks on the door, then enters): Dr. Bailey. The GI lab has a couple of questions about Miss. Miyazaki's esophogram.
Bailey: Well, then let's go. (Bailey walks out of the room)
Addison: Dr. Stevens. (Izzie stops walking) Keep an eye on her today. Watch out for any painful contractions. More than 5 in an hour. Anything that could indicate pre-term labor. (Izzie shakes her head) The favor is not for me Stevens, you know that. (Izzie nods and walks off)

Bailey: When did your hiccups start?
Mr. Kamaji: A few days ago. She doesn't speak english.
Bailey: Are you her boyfriend?
Mr. Kamaji: Her coach.
Alex: Oh, she's an athlete.
Mr. Kamaji: Ah, Yumi is a competitive eater.
Izzie: Eating is a sport?
Alex (nods): Miyazaki ... yeah, yeah. She's like a rock star in Japan.
Izzie: Again, eating is a sport?
Alex: Tell her I saw her on TV. Tell her that I'm an athlete too. I'm a wrestler.
Mr. Kamaji (in Japanese to Yumi): The young doctor wants you to know he's a wrestler. I think he's flirting with you.
Yumi (in Japanese to Kamaji): Tell him I eat little boys like him for breakfast.
Mr. Kamaji: She wonders how a wrestler got smart enough to be a doctor. Most wrestlers she knows are dumb.
Alex: Just tell her that she hasn't been hanging around the right gyms.
Bailey: How bout you tell her that persistent hiccup could be an indication of something much more serious. (to Alex and Izzie) Schedule an esophogram.
Mr. Kamaji: Oh she's competing this afternoon at the 'Taste of Seattle'. Can't you just give her a stronger dose of that drug? It seemed to work.
Bailey: Did the hiccups come back?
Mr. Kamaji: Yes.
Bailey: Then it didn't work.

(Alex is sitting in the cafeteria with a huge plate of hotdogs. Izzie and Cristina enter, Cristina also has a huge plate of hotdogs)
Alex: Are we gonna do this or what?
Cristina: Yeah, let's go.
George (runs up with his own huge plate of hotdogs): Wait, don't start without me.
Izzie: What should I put on the flier?
Cristina: Destructive, aggressive, uh... hell dog available.
George: That's not helping.
Cristina: Fine, uh playful, protective puppy needs a home.
Izzie: Good.
Meredith (sits down, Doc is beside her on his leash): Hey, George.
George (looking at his food): Don't talk to me! You'll only make me mad. You're gonna mess up my game and I'm in the zone.
Meredith: Okay. (to Izzie) What are you doing?
Izzie: Oh it's a flier that I'm-
Cristina: Izzie, come on!
George: Izzie!
Izzie: Okay, keep your panties on. (Izzie picks up a stop watch) Alright. (George picks up a hotdog)
Cristina: No touching! (George sets it back down)
Izzie (trying not to laugh): Go! (George, Alex and Cristina start wolfing down their hotdogs. Though Cristina opts for eating the actual hotdog meat first quickly, rather than bun and dog like Alex and George)
Meredith (looks at the flier): You're advertising for a home for Doc? I said I would do it.
Izzie: And you haven't and you won't. And I don't want George to leave.
Meredith: Well, at least put down that he's not house-broken. (Izzie gives her a look) What? It's the truth.
Izzie: Okay, so you want me to put the truth. Fine. (Cristina has now finished her hot dog meat and only left with the buns with she is now wetting down with water, mushing up and then stuffing into her mouth) Vicious, hyper-double mutt is available. And will pee on the bed.
Meredith: He's your dog too. We got him together.
Izzie: We got him together, please. He's not your dog either. He doesn't even know us. We are not home enough for him to know us. (Cristina stuffs the last of it down her mouth and shouts victorious. Though it's very muffled and hard to understand since she still has a mouth full of bread. Alex and George also protest muffled as she hasn't chewed it all down. Cristina stands up and starts gloating and making hand gestures)
Cristina: You want to be! You want to be me but you can't be me! You want to be me- (she stops suddenly, and looks sick)
George: Uh, oh.
Izzie: Crap. She's gonna blow. (they all leave the table quickly, leaving Cristina there)

Addison: Bed rest at home until the baby comes. You do know what bed rest is, don't you, Miranda?
Bailey: Yeah, hell.
Izzie (hands her a package): Here, books and movies. It's form all of us. (Bailey gives her a look)
Bailey (stopping the elevator door with her foot): I may be 47 weeks pregnant, I may be on bed rest, I may not be able to see my own feet. But I am Doctor Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you.

Cristina: McDreamy's being McDouchey.

Derek: Just came from Mr. Friart's room. He's convinced that he won't be able to quit smoking. Says that you agree.
Cristina: No, he asked my opinion. Want me to apologize?
Derek: No I want you to go in there and tell him that you're wrong. That you're having a bad day. You're favorite uncle died of lung cancer and that every time you see a cigarette you freak out. Say whatever you need to say. Get him to believe that this about you not him. Because if he thinks he won't be able to quit, he won't. Then we shouldn't even do this surgery.
Cristina: Fine.
Derek: What is your problem? I'm your boss. What's the matter-
Cristina: No you're not my boss right now. We're in an elevator. That's your specialty, right? McDreamy moments in elevators?
Derek (warningly): Dr. Yang...
Cristina: You know what, for a moment, I'm not Dr. Yang, and you're not Dr. Shepherd. You're the guy who screwed up my friend. The guy who drove her to get a dog she can't keep, a dog she only got because her boyfriend lied to her about his wife.
Derek: I never lied to her.
Cristina: You know what? I know a liar when I see one, 'cause I'm a liar. Fine you want me to lie to the patient. I'll lie.

Izzie: You're not moving out, George.
George: Oh yes I am. I gave an ultimatum. Threw down the gauntlet. I drew my line in the sand.
Izzie: Well, un-give, un-throw, un-draw.
George: A man does not give an ultimatum and then back down. Meredith had a choice and she chose the dog.

Derek: Yang. You were a little harsh in there.
Cristina: He was lying. Plus, your 'harsh' is another man's 'refreshing'.
Derek: Well he's in shock. The man's lost his fingers and his only remaining habit in one day. We need to be compassionate.
Cristina: Compassionate?
Derek: Yes, it's an emotion. Have you ever heard of it?
Cristina: Have you? She's barely back on her feet and you've got her calling you McDreamy again. You know, I was just telling the patient the truth. You might wanna try it sometime.

George: Mrs. Larson, I'm Dr. O'Malley.
Mrs. Larson: Oh! An Irishman! I love the Irish. They have a…a sparkle. You can see it in the eye. And the swagger. Come on, Dr. O'Malley. Show me the swagger. (George swaggers over to her bed) The eyes are right, but ah…you'll have to work on the swagger.

Derek: You smoke?
Rick: Why?
Derek: Cigarette smoke constricts the blood vessels. I've seen really good grafts fail over a few cigarettes.
Rick: So what are you saying? I smoke a cigarette after my operation and boom! My fingers fall off?
Cristina: No, first they turn black and necrotic and then they fall off.
Rick: I don't smoke, so...
Cristina: Reallly? Because judging by the nicotine stains, your fingers do.

Rick (about his severed fingers): You can sew 'em back on, right? 'Cause they sewed that guy's penis back on after his wife chopped it off, right?
Bailey: Penises and fingers are like apples and oranges.
George: How did it happen?
Rick: I was loading my gear onto the truck for a gig and they got caught in the lift gate.
Alex: You're a musician?
Rick: I play the friggin' guitar. You can sew them back on, right? This is not that big of a deal, right? (looking at his bandaged hand) Oh dude, I better not be out of the band.

(When giving her dog to Derek)
Meredith: So… he chews everything, so don't leave anything out. He hates cats and small little yappy dogs. Oh… not housebroken.
Derek: Oh.
Meredith: Probably should have told you that…

Meredith: Why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases?
Cristina: Well, why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases?
Meredith: No reason.
Cristina: No reason?
Meredith: I'm waiting for McDreamy.
Cristina: I'm avoiding Burke.
Meredith: Why are you avoiding Burke?
Cristina: He thinks I moved in with him. Why are you waiting --
Meredith: McDreamy is doing me a favor. Burke thinks you moved in with him?
Cristina: Wait, you're calling him McDreamy again?
Meredith: Burke thinks you moved in with him? What does that mean?
Cristina: It's nothing. You're calling Derek, McDreamy again?
Meredith: It's nothing.
Cristina: What are you doing?
Meredith: What are you doing?
Cristina: Stop repeating what I say.
Meredith: Stop asking me questions.

Meredith (opening voiceover): As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical, because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule is, every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth-- honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down the cherry tree, whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts.

Meredith (closing voiceover): No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie.

George: You don't get to choose. I know you've been going through a bad time, I know you miss Shepherd, and I know that your life has admittedly been pretty unpleasant these days. You get points for breathing in and out, you get to be a little selfish, but you don't get to choose a dog over me. I'm George, I sleep down the hall from you, I buy your tampons, I have held your hand every time you've asked. I've earned the right to be seen, to be respected, to not have you think of me as less than a dog that you got at the pound. So I'm not moving out, whether you like it or not, I'm staying.

(the dog is hiding underneath a cart and barks)
Burke: Dr. Grey is that a dog?
Meredith (smiles sweetly): No.