Joe the Bartender
Meredith: My mother wasn't dropping kidneys when she was a resident.
Derek: You're reading your mother's diary?
Meredith: I'm not half the surgeon that my mother was.
Izzie: I care about you. I care about you and I'm not gonna go crazy. And I'm not gonna try and kill myself. And I'm not gonna stop caring about you no matter how hard you push me away.
Alex: Shut up and get out of my room.
Izzie: No. (walks closer to him) I care about you and I know that you care about me too. And it's not too late for us.
Alex: Get out of my room.
Izzie: Admit it. Admit that you care about me too. I know that you do. I care about you. I care about you. I care about you, I care about you, I care about you, I- (Alex kisses her)
Meredith: So Derek said that I was a baby. And that I had a lot to learn.
Cristina: What? Ugh. Whatever.
Meredith: I mean, not whatever. He's right, because I did drop a kidney. And don't say it happens because it doesn't. But... I do hate it when he's right.
Cristina: No, okay. He is not right. Stop caring so much about what he thinks. It makes you seem desperate.
Meredith: Okay, to the one trolling for interns.
Cristina: Ah, I changed my mind. Interns are weak and I don't want weak. You know, Burke was a man, he was man.
Meredith: Joe, I think we need another round.
Derek (walks in, and sets a bag on the bar): Hey, Joe. How 'ya doin'?
Meredith: Is this for me?
Cristina: Hey honey, I brought you roses, let me back into the house. (Meredith pulls a jar with a kidney in it out of the bag)
Joe: Oh, ew. Holy crap, what the hell is that thing?
Cristina: Oh, that is a kidney in a jar. That's not far. How did you get that?
Derek: Well, being an incredibly important, fancy neurosurgeon has it's perks.
Meredith: Well, thank you.
Derek: I couldn't have done it without you. Not one surgery. Not one patient. I couldn't have done any of with out you. Thanks. (they kiss)
Joe: You know, you guys wanna get this thing the hell outta here before people start to freak out.
Meredith: Okay. Are you gonna be okay?
Cristina: Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Derek: Dr. Bailey, I heard your big surgery went well today. Congratulations.
Bailey: Same to you. It must feel good seeing your name in print like that.
Derek: It would feel better if Meredith wasn't so... you know, she's acting silly about the credit. She's getting emotional.
Bailey: That girl worked her ass of for you and you got all the credit.
Derek: I would have gotten all the blame had we failed.
Bailey: But you didn't fail.
Derek: But it's simple. I'm an attending, she's a second year resident.
Bailey: Who you're living with. That's not simple, it's messy. If it were me, I'd start with 'thank you.' You'd be suprised how far that one goes, especially with us silly, emotional women.
George: So, tomorrow we will meet one hour before pre-rounds.
Dani: Dude, that's like 4 am.
Graziella: Dr. Steven's never made us come in before pre-rounds.
Pierce: Yeah O'Malley. You gotta chill. (interns walk away)
George: They probably should say Dr. O'Malley.
Lexie: Those are your interns? Did you even ask for me?
Lexie: I helped you study. I helped decorate your stupid locker. And you didn't-- You don't even see it. You don't see anything. I am such an idiot. ... And you are a jerk. You didn't even think to ask for me? ... Screw you, Dr. O'Malley.
Callie: I know that you don't wanna talk about it anymore. I know you're over it.
Mark: Oh for the love of God.
Callie: Just hear me out. (sighs) I like to be good at things, okay? I do not fail, I do not quit. I like to be good at things and I wanna be good at this. So I need you... to show me.
Mark: Show you?
Callie: Just because you didn't publish a big clinical trial doesn't mean that you're not a genius.
Mark: Fine. Take off your pants. (takes off his shirt)
Callie (untying her pants): Really? Oh, God. Thank you!
Mark: I'll show you the Sloan method. It might never be in a medical journal, but it should.
Bailey: We're ready for you, Grey.
Meredith: Walking with the kidney... (drops the kidney. She stares at Bailey in shock)
Bailey: ... Five second rule! Five second rule!
Erica: I have a break in an hour. You wanna get some coffee?
Callie: I'm not cut out for this.
Callie: N-no. This, the touching and the-the- sex with a girl. I can't do it. I thought I could but...
Erica: But you did do it. I don't understand. ... Oh. It wasn't good for you.
Derek: You know, a part of cohabitation is getting to eat breakfast together.
Meredith: Well, I can't because Bailey paged us all in early.
Derek: Well, do you have time to look at our work in a major medical journal? (holds up the magazine with a huge picture of him on the cover)
Meredith: They published our clinical trial? It's on the cover! A new method in treating in-operable malignate liomas. ... The Shepherd method.
Derek: What do you think?
Meredith: It's a picture. A big picture of you.
Derek: You're making a face.
Meredith: I'm not making a face. I love that picture.
Derek: I'm not gonna do this with you.
Meredith: Do what?
Derek: Have this silent fight. I'm gonna write the editors and have them print a correction. The Shepherd-Grey method.
Meredith: I don't want you to give me credit because you're mad that I'm mad. I want you to give me credit because you think that I worked hard for it and I deserve it.
Deerk: You don't deserve it. You're a baby. You have the potential to be a good surgeon, maybe even a great one but you haven't even scratched the surface on what you need to learn.
Meredith: It was my idea. And I hate that picture.
Lexie: Hey, missed you at lunch today. It was a whole new level of hell.
George: Oh. No, I was busy, I had to do all my own charts today because the interns don't respect me.
Lexie: I would respect you if I was your intern.
Cristina: Georgie, they don't respect you George, because they're not scared of you. Just decimate one every few days. It's not rocket science. Two! (Steve walks over) Who's getting Ms. Herman's kidney?
Steve: Uh... Uh.. I can go check.
Lexie: Mr. Walling.
Steve: That's right. I totally forgot.
Cristina: Oh, forgot. Like you forgot to your notes before rounds? Or like you forgot to pull the drain on my post-op SPL? Or like you forgot to sign all your dictations? So all your, uh, my charts are delincquent. You forgot because the only thing that you can retain in that pea sized brain of yours is what time lunch is. Grey here going to become a surgeon, while you dig ditches by the side of the road. (Steve walks off, Cristina shrugs)
Lexie: It's brutal. But it's effective.
Izzie: I was gonna punch that kid. His father is sick, really sick and all he cares about is his stupid money.
Alex: Alright, the guy must've done something really bad to make the kid so angry.
Izzie: Maybe he just cares about his son but the moron is too emotionally stunted to let him.
Alex: Okay, I... I'm tryin' to be... I am... But this, this right here is exactly your problem. You get all wrapped up and involved and you just, you start- you start caring about these people. Your patient in there he's the moron. His son's never gonna give him what he wants and he's just gonna be disappointed. And the sooner that he gets that and the sooner you get it that...
Izzie: No. Go on. Please. Be a selfish ass. Because then at least I'll know what to expect because this being a decent guy one second and a total jerk the next is getting really old, Alex. So, who's it gonna be? Pick one. (Alex walks away)
(All the interns are lined up in the cafeteria)
Meredith: What is going on?
Izzie: We're trying to decide which of our interns to give to George.
Lexie: In front of us. They're deciding in front of us, like some livestock sale at the state fair.
Crsitina: I think that I'll keep Lexipedia. She remembers many things. And she bathes which is much more than I can say for stinky 2 over there.
Izzie: Well, Graziella charts like crap but she can put in a line. Claire on the other hand, nearly castrated a guy with a cathiter. (Cristina, Meredith, Alex, and Izzie groan)
Lexie (whispers): We can hear you!
Alex: I might dump Pierce.
Izzie: Ooh, how does he suck?
Alex: I just hate saying the name 'Pierce'.
Lexie (whispers to Steve): We should bolt. They would respect us more if we didn't participate in our own self humiliation.
Steve (whispers back): You wanna bolt first? And I'll follow.
Izzie: Hey, have you heard from UNOS yet?
Meredith: Hmm. They're still searching for a match, but so far nothing.
Izzie: I hope they come through. My guy really needs a kidney.
Cristina: Yeah, they all really need kidney's Izzie.
Meredith: If Derek needed a kidney I wouldn't give him one. He'd take the credit and say that he magically grew it himself.
Izzie: My guy's been sick for 15 years. Could you imagine having your life on hold like that? Plus he's got such a crappy kid. (Steve puts down his tray)
Cristina: Hey, did I say that you could put that down? (Steve looks scared) No. So pick it up. (Steve does so) Weak. No stamina.
Alex: Yeah, but he takes orders.
Cristina: True. True.
Callie: Apparentally Erica loved it. The non-sex, sex. I think she might want more.
Mark: Happens to me all the time with women, and I barely remember when their minds are blown.
Callie: That's your advice?
Mark: I'm a world-class surgeon. Double boarded in plastics and ENT. I have more meaningful and worthwhile things to do than to dispense sex advice.
Callie: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Derek: She's barely a second year resident. I made the virus.
Mark: She assisted. When Michael Jordon scores, nobody cares about the assist.
Derek: Oh, well... Scottie Pippin.
Mark: You know what I mean. These women... they over think everything.
Derek: Somebody's cranky today. (looks at the computer screen Mark is by) 'Experimental treatments for cleft palates.' Huh. You're working on your own clinical trial, aren't you?
Mark: It's just research.
Derek: Uh huh. Seeing the brainy side of me remind you that, that you have haven't made one worthwhile contribution to medical history, doesn't it?
Mark: Get out.
Derek (smirks): You should read my article. It will enrich your life. Make you a better man.
Mark: I'm saving it for the bathroom.
Meredith: You know, my mother invented the Grey method all by herself.
Cristina: You know, maybe you should stop reading her diary. It's gonna make you feel inadaquet.
Meredith: She's dead and in the past and still out pacing me.
Cristina: You say that intern over there? You think he's clean?
Cristina: I'm just thinking about what Lexipedia said. She might be on to something.
Meredith: You're gonna sleep with an intern?
Cristina: It'd just be scratching an itch. It's been a long time.
Bailey: I see you two hovering.
Izzie: Hypothetically, say a patient a patient is paying his son for a kidney. What exactly would happen?
Bailey: Paying money? For a kindey?
Bailey: Well, as someone who stole an organ herself not that long ago, you should know what would happen is ... that your patient would be out of the exchange. (points to the board) Which means that, this person since her husband no longer getting a kidney will drop out. Then they would drop out. Then they would drop out. And the whole thing would fall apart. That's what would happen. So, if you both are suggesting that that's what's going on here, you'd better be damn sure about it.
Alex: It's just a gift. An early stocking stuffer.
Derek: The Chief has got me doing press all day with journalists. My face is starting to hurt from smiling. (keeps pushing the elevator button)
Meredith: Uh huh. I already pushed that.
Derek: It comes faster when I push it.
Meredith: Ooh, must be that Shepherd method.
Meredith: I think I'll take the stairs.
Derek: Meredith, are you bothered by this?
Meredith: Why would I be bothered? You can't call it the Shepherd-Grey method, because then people would think that you had help.
Cristina: Okay, as you may know, one of you has to go with O'Malley today.
Lexie: Oh me! I'll go if you need a volunteer.
Cristina: I decide who gets to go after I decide which one of you sucks the most, and you better not suck on purpose because I will know.
Cristina: Um, I heard that when they did the domino at Boston Gen. the residents all got to keep one of the dead kidneys in a jar as a souvenier.
Meredith: I want a kidney in a jar.
Izzie: Me too. Can I have a kidney?
Alex: Well, if they all get kidneys. I get a kidney.
Cristina: Hey, quantaties are limited. I asked first.
Bailey: No one is taking home a kidney in a jar. Diseased kidneys are not chatskis for your coffee table.
Meredith: I don't even want all the credit, but the clinical trial was my idea. And I had to beg him to do it more than once.
Izzie: It's okay that you want the credit, I'd want the credit.
Cristina: When you screw the attendings, you get screwed. They have all the power.
Lexie: Interns. You can screw interns. (they all stare at her) I mean... date. I mean, you can date interns. (rambles) I read a study that once said that interns hardly ever file sexual harassment claims because we feel so weak and powerless in the hospital environments. (Izzie laughs)
Alex: Interns. The other white meat.
Cristina: The Chief wants each of us to give George one of our interns?
Alex: Except for Grey because she already lost O'Malley. Just dump your deadweight.
Cristina: Oh, please they're all deadweight. That's why I need all four of them. Not three.
Callie: Could you focus? I need you right now.
Mark: Well, I'm a little exausted, but (pulls back covers) if you wanna hop on and do all the work.
Callie (throws the blankets back on him): No, I need to talk. Last night, Erica and I... We did it. Sort of.
Callie: No. No, no. It was not good, at all. I choked. I... couldn't go down there. I tried but it just felt so weird, and clinical, like gynie rotation. (sighs) I got up and left this morning before she got up. I couldn't even face her. What if- What if me and Erica... What if we were a mistake? (Mark gets out of bed, and goes to put on his lab coat and leave the on-call room) Where are you going?
Mark: I can't talk about this.
Callie: Oh, come on. You love talking about this stuff. Girl on girl. It's hot.
Mark: Two girls getting nasty and loving it. That's hot. One girl talking about how much it sucked. Depressing, and wrong. Just wrong.
Erica: Is Yang on call tonight?
Callie: Uh, yeah. Why do you think it's so clean in here? (they laugh) Can I just say that the whole taking it slow thing? Best idea ever.
Erica: It really takes the pressure off.
Callie: Yeah, we could just, hang out with all the...
Erica: The expectations.
Callie: Why rush things?
Erica: Exactly. (they start making out)
Meredith (opening voiceover): I am a rock. I am an island. That's the mantra to pretty much every surgeon that I've ever met. We like to think we're independent. Loners. Mavericks. That all we need to do our jobs is an OR, a scalpel, and a willing body... But the truth is, not even the best of us can do it alone. Surgery, like life, is a team sport... and eventually, you've gotta get off the bench and decide... which team are you batting for.
Meredith (closing voiceover): The thing about choosing teams in real life.. It's nothing like it used to be in gym class.. being 1st picked can be terrifying And being chosen last... isn't the worst thing in the world. So we watch from the sidelines...clinging to our isolation... because we know as soon as we let go of the bench... someone comes along and changes the game completely.
Cristina: Oh, come on. I am offering two interns- Two! For the price of one.
Alex: I'll trade you Laura for both of them.
Izzie: Leah drains puss and likes it.
Meredith: I dropped an internal organ... on the floor.
Izzie: It happens.
Cristina: Okay, okay. How about this? Four go to George, I get James. Karev you get two. Izzie gets Leo.
Richard: What are you people doing?
Izzie: We were just, uh, just deciding which of our interns to give to George.
Cristina: Uh huh.
Bailey: Oh, you think I got to choose my interns? And I picked you people... 'cause you're all such a surgical dream team? (to Alex) You, you're lazy. (to Izzie) You're whiney. (to Meredith) Butter fingers over there... downright depressing. (to Cristina) You, Yang, you're just annoying. Choosing their own interns! (laughs) What are you-- (stops laughing when she sees Richard is not happy)
Richard: Give me those damn cards. (he picks out four, hands cards to George) O'Malley, you have interns.
International Episode Titles:
Slovakia: Slovo ja v tíme neexistuje (Word Me Does Not Exist in Team)
Czech Republic: V týmu žádné já neexistuje (In Team, There Does Not Exist I)
Original International Air Dates:
Italy: February 23, 2009 on Fox Life
Australia: February 26, 2009 on Seven
Latin America: March 2, 2009 on Sony Entertainment Television
The Netherlands: March 2, 2009 on Net 5
Germany: May 6, 2009 on ProSieben
Norway: September 15, 2009 on TV2
Slovakia: October 19, 2009 on STV1
Czech Republic: March 18, 2010 on Prima
Music Featured in This Episode:
1. Love Save The Empty by Erin McCarley
2. Ordinary Day by Emilie Mover
3. These Quiet Times by Shady Bard
4. Comes And Goes (In Waves) by Greg Laswell
5. Hiding My Heart by Brandi Carlile
6. Live Like You're Dying by Lenka
Episode Title: There's no 'I' In Team
There's no 'I' In Team is a reference to the title of a Taking Back Sunday song.
The title also refers to the old saying that involves sharing credit with teammates.
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