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Dr. Arizona Robbins
Dr. April Kepner
Dr. Jackson Avery
Dr. Teddy Altman
Dr. Meredith Grey
Dr. Cristina Yang
Arizona (after Callie gets a text): We've been gone all of ten minutes what could Mark possibly want?
Callie (laughs, and reads the message): Oooh. Oh, yeah, okay this is bad. He found out Lexie is with Avery and he's freaking. (Callie goes to type a reply, Arizona takes her phone and throws it in the backseat) Oh, what the hell?
Arizona: What? Th-This is time for us. It's just for us. And the first thing you wanna do is talk to Mark.
Callie: You just said it was okay. Okay, you know what? Oh, screw it. (takes off her seatbelt and climbs in back to get her phone)
Arizona: What are you doing?
Callie: I'm gonna talk to him.
Arizona: Don't you dare.
Callie: This is jealously, Arizona. You are jealous of Mark. Get over it.
Arizona: Do you blame me?I mean he gets most of you. The straight you, the Catholic you, the girl who loves baby showers. I just get, you know, the gay you, which is really only about twenty minutes a night... Not even. Since you just feel too fat to even let me touch you lately.
Callie: Look, I am doing my best here to make sure that you are happy, and that Mark is happy and that the tiny person growing inside me is happy. I don't know what else I can do to be honest. Please tell me. Cause I'll do it. Whatever will make you happy, I will do it.
Arizona (pauses): Marry me.
Callie (laughs): What?
Arizona: I mean, it. I love you more than anything but I want more. I want commitments, I want rings, so, marry me.
Lucy: So this is your new place?
Alex: You hungry? I got crab cakes, cumcumber sandwiches, you ate all the pigs in the blanket so...
Lucy: I'll take a beer. (Alex hands her a beer) So this was your plan? Wait for me on the stoop of the trailer that you squat in?
Lucy: You were waiting for me. 'Cause you find me charming, and hot.
Alex (laughs): Wh-What? N-no.
Lucy: And now you're stuttering because I intimadate you.
Lucy: Which explains it, really; why you haven't made a move this entire time.
Alex: Oh, that's complete bull--
Lucy: And now... (moves to sit next to him) You're forcing me to do it. (kisses him) So was I right? (Alex kisses her back)
Eli: Well, I heard the good news. Our patient's doing well. Sorry, your patient.
Bailey (sighs): Eli, I'm tired.
Eli: Good, now just admit that I was right so we can kiss and make up.
Bailey: Not that tired.
Eli: Miranda Bailey, we are not inside the hospital. Inside the hospital you're the man. That's the protocol, but outside I'm the man. I am the man. Me. Now you can call me cro magnon or old fashion, but that's not going to stop me from taking you home to my bed tonight and showing you what kind of man I am. Now how's that? Does that protocol suit you?
Eli: Good. (kisses her) Be at my place in 15.
Henry: So, what I said before, about your eyes; it wasn't just the pain killers.
Teddy: Henry, you gotta stop. You gotta stop talking to me about my eyes and flirting with me in front of other doctors.
Henry: You're right, I'm sorry. ... Okay, I'm not sorry. I meant what I said, all of it. And more.
Teddy: I get it. It's a great story. We get married to save your life and we fall in love. I mean, how romantic is that? Not to mention that you are smart, and funny, and not at all hard on the eyes. And I'd be lying to say that it never crossed my mind. But I don't feel it. It's not real, it's just a good story.
Henry: What's so wrong with a good story?
Teddy: I'm sorry. (walks out)
Derek: You needed to score a 26 or below to meet the criteria for the trial, you were above that. (Adele looks thrilled)
Richard (somber): What is it?
Derek: It's not important.
Derek: It's 27.
Richard: One point? You're going to deny her this because of one point?
Derek: I'm so sorry.
Adele: Sorry? No, it's good. It means I passed. I'm not sick. I told you, Richard.
Ricahrd: It's not what it means. You have Alzheimer's. It just hasn't progressed enough to get into the trial.
Adele: But Derek says I passed, I passed. Meredith I'm okay, right?
Meredith: When I asked you to repeat the three words back to me, you said 'pool' instead of 'spoon'. I asked you to identify my stehoscope, it took you a while to find the word. And I asked you where you took your honeymoon, and you said Hawaii. But, you were here because the Chief was a medicial student and he had to work.
Adele: You're just a resident. What do you know? What the hell do any of you know? You work in a hospital all day around sick people and disease. You're obsessed. That's what this is. So I got a few answers wrong? That's all? It's normal. To forget things at my age. (to Richard) You can never remember where you parked the car when we go to the movies! And they're not saying that you... It's not fair. I finally, we're finally happy. You and me. Loving each other the way we should have all these years. And now, it's not fair! (starts sobbing) Don't look at me like that. Like I'm damaged goods. I'm still me. I'm still here. I'm still me... maybe... maybe, I won't be here much longer, but I'm right here, I'm right here, baby. I'm so scared. Help me please. I'm so scared. You can't leave me.
Bailey: You need to pick chief resident already. I mean, Alex Karev is living in a trailer in the hospital parking lot. Residents are waiting for you outside bathrooms...
Richard: Karev's living in the parking lot?
Bailey: Y'know, your trial is up and running, and you've got things to deal with at home. You don't need to be picking a new chief resident, too. Let somebody else handle that. Delegate.
Richard: Oksy, I'd like you to.
Bailey: No. I raised those babies. What I mean is, delegate to someone else... who is not me.
Stark: This was all when I was in surgery. I'm impressed.
April: Well, Dr. Karev did most of it, actually.
Stark: Oh, Dr. Karev. Okay, that's good to know. I'll make sure it was done right.
April: Robert, just say thank you.
Stark: Thank you, Dr. Karev. Now go away.
April: Oh my god, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to call you that.
Stark: There's no need to apologize, Dr. Kepner.
April: No, it was compeletly unprofessional. I promise I will never--
Stark: Hey, April... I'm saying I liked it.
April: I... I can't make it tonight.
Stark: To... What?
April: Uh... the new chief resident is getting picked soon and everyone is stepping up their game so I should probably just stay late here, and work. I'm sorry.
Stark: I understand. We got the age difference, we work together, not to mention you are very beautiful. But still, y'know, I'd hope you wouldn't feel the need to use work as an excuse to get out of spending time with me.
April: Oh, no, no. I wasn't. I enjoy spending time with you. So much. It's just... I guess I think of you as more of a friend. We're friends, y'know, we're friends.
Stark: Yeah. But that's the thing, y'know. I never wanted to be just your friend. G'night, Dr. Kepner.
Callie: So, there is one more gift left to open. (holds out an envelope to Arizona)
Arizona: Oh, I... I didn't get you anything.
Callie: You got me a shower. Open it. (Arizona does so) It's a B&B a few hours away. We leave in the morning.
Arizona: But, I have patients, you have patients.
Callie: I'm extending an olive branch here. Because I know how annoying I must be to you right now. But since I was four and I got that doll that crap its pants for Christmas, I wanted a kid because, other than cracking bones, this baby's my dream. And I get to be insanely out of my mind happy for my dream, but I'm not discounting your need to vomit over my insanity. (they laugh) So, just let me take you to a stupid B&B for the weekend to thank you. (they hug & kiss)
Mark (holding up the oneise Mer decorated): What is that? A tumbleweed? A hurricane? (Arizona is looking through the trash) What's your problem?
Arizona: Ugh, someone threw out the gift list, and now we don't know who got what, and people are going to think of us as the type of people who write vague and impersonal thank you notes.
Mark: I'm not sure that's a type of people.
Callie (walks in): What's going on?
Mark: Arizona lost the gift list.
Arizona: Yes, Mark. I lost the list. I-I suck at this. Congratulations, you're a better woman than I am.
Callie: Hey, it's okay, it's okay. It's not a big deal. Mark can you give us a minute?
Mark (as he's walking out): She lost the gift list, not me.
Teddy (during Henry's surgery): Do you need me to do anything?
Cristina: I need you to shut up and stop acting like a scared wife.
Lucy: So this Karev guy. You're actually friends with him? That's real?
Meredith: Yeah. Why?
Lucy: It surprises me, that's all. I mean, you don't seem like the type of girl to put up with his whole neandrathal thing. So tell me, what am I missing?
Meredith: You're missing a lot. ... He had a girl go crazy on him. His wife almost died and then she walked out on him. And then he was shot and almost bled to death in an elevator. He's been through a lot. So, the Neanderthal thing is just... it is an act. A well executed one.
Lexie (walking off with Jackson): Of course I can help you with a consult.
April: You're not fooling anyone!
Lexie (about Stark): I say he's totally gay.
Meredith: Well, if he were gay then why would he ask Kepner out.
Lexie: No straight guy waits a whole month before making a move.
Cristina: Maybe he has herpes.
Alex: That wouldn't stop a guy either. I vote gay. I just wish he was into me that way I could be in all his cool surgeries, too.
April: He's not gay, he doesn't have herpes, and I'm not using him to get cool surgeries. We have a lot to talk about, okay? He's really interesting once you get to know him.
Alex: Yeah, which is why she's taking her pants off for him tonight.
Mer, Cristina & Lexie (all turn their heads toward her): What?
Alex: She's going to his place. From Here to Eternity is playing on cable.
Cristina: Ooh, yeah. Pants are definetly coming off.
April: Nobody's pants are coming off.
Meredith: Movie at his place? That's the definition of pants coming off.
Cristina: Virgin's a goner.
Lexie: And with an older man, too. That's very impressive.
April (loudly): I am not taking my pants off for Stark! (everyone looks at her)
Cristina (about Mer's onesie she decorated): Oh my, God. That is so ugly.
Lexie: Are you still blind?
Meredith: I like it. It's abstract.
Lucy: I know they're not paying you well, but this seems a little extreme.
Alex: I just moved into my own place. I don't have time to shop. Pass me those cookies. (puts the cookies into his pocket) All these people here and you came and talked to me. You like me.
Lucy: No, I'm talking to you because I want something to eat and you're in the way.
Alex: Admit it, you find me charming.
Lucy: Are those pigs in the blanket?
Alex: And hot. Dirty hot.
Lucy: It was nice talking to you, Dr. Karev.
Mark: Don't feel bad. I've known Torres along time. She's a traditional girl, catholic. You know, this whole baby out of wedlock thing with three parents is a lot for her to swallow, that's why, y'know, I figured the bigger shower, the better.
Arizona (sighs & rolls her eyes): Oh, shut up.
Mark: Excuse me.
Arizona: You're not the Callie whisperer. And I'm not a monster for finding baby showers annoying. Everyone woman who's ever had a pregnant friend hates them. It's like a wedding; the bridesmaids always want to strangle the bride. It's practically a rule. The only one who's not normal here is you for acting like you're enjoying this.
Richard: Dr. Altman, are you okay to stay on the case? Considering your personal relationship?
Teddy: Richard, we've been over this. It's a business relationship. Nothing more. (walks into the CT room to talk to Henry) How are you feeling?
Henry: Great, great. Great, great.
Teddy: Pain-killers finally kicked in, huh? Well, enjoy the ride.
Henry: I've been thinking lately, and I think... I think I've figured it out; why all of your dates go so bad. So, so bad. Laughably bad. It's not your fault, it's mine because I'm not the guy on them with you.
Teddy: We're ready to start.
Henry: Wait, wait. You're my wife. You're my hot wife.
Henry: I'm your husband, let's do it. Let's be together. I mean, look at you. Look at your eyes. I mean, you're not looking into your eyes, I could look into your eyes my whole life. (Teddy looks at Cristina and Richard who are listening and Cristina puts her hands over her face, and Richard glares)
Alex (to April, after Stark invited her over for a movie): The only way you'll be watching that movie is if it's playing on his bedroom ceiling.
Cristina (as her and Mer are carrying a table): Where do you want this?
Arizona: What's that for?
Mark: Scrapbook station. Put it next to that box with the glitter pens.
Arizona: Oh, no, no. Don't put it anywhere. We're not having a scrapbook station.
Mark: You heard Callie this morning. She wants us to go all out. Move the table.
Arizona: No, don't move the table. Mark, this isn't a scrap book station kinda shower.
Mark: You're wrong. Yang, tell her Torres wants all the girly stuff. Games, oneise decorating.
Cristina: I have a patient.
Meredith: I can't get over the fact that you know what oneise decorating is.
Mark: I've been boning up. That's what you do for the people you love.
Arizona: Oh, bite me, Mark.
Callie (walks in): What's going on? Are you guys fighting again?
Arizona: Did you want a scrapbook station?
Callie: Oh, yeah, of course. (Mark smiles) It's not a real shower unless you get to take home a scrapbook. Ooh, we should have glitter pens! (Mark smiles at Arizona and Arizona glares at him)
Alex: You're gonna screw your way to the top, I'm impressed.
April: I am not screwing Stark.
Alex (mocking her): 'I am not screwing Stark.'
April: We're not even dating.
Alex (mocking her): 'We're not even dating.'
April: I'm serious, we're not. Maybe, I thought we were at first but it's not like that now. We're just... hanging out. We're friends.
Alex: Yeah, naked friends.
Alex: You need any help today? Robbins has her baby shower so I'm free.
Stark: I still don't like you, Karev.
Cristina: So, you've been all buddy-buddy with Webber lately.
Owen: I'm staying out of it. But you are very beautiful.
Cristina: Oh, screw beautiful. I'm brillant. If you wanna appease me, compliment my brain.
Bailey: What's that all about?
Teddy: Chief's in the bathroom.
Bailey: With an audience?
Owen: His trial funding came through this morning and they all want in on it.
Teddy: Door's opening! (they all rush to the door and start talking to Richard at once)
Richard: Quiet! I haven't made my decision yet. Get away. (walks off)
Bailey: Stalking a man while he's in the restroom.
Jackson: I'd clean the restroom if he'd let me on this trial.
Cristina: I'd live in it.
Bailey: You are surgeons. If you wanna impress the Chief, impress him surgically.
Lucy: Your BP is borderline high. Are you feeling okay? Callie: Oh, yeah. That's the nerves about the baby shower. It's like Christmas morning. Arizona: You are way too excited about this. Callie: Hey, I have bought expensive gifts and played stupid games for every knocked up nurse in this place. Now it's my turn. (to Lucy) You're coming, right? (Lucy looks surprised) Arizona, you invite the OB. The fate of my vagina's in her hands. Arizona: Oh, right. 1pm. Fourth floor doctor's lounge. Lucy: Alright, I'll see if I can make it. (Callie glares) I'll make it.
Mark: How's it size?
Arizona: Oh, Mark.
Lucy: It's okay. I'm used to that trick. It's size is within the norm.
Mark: C'mon. We're here. You know you wanna know.
Arizona: No, no, no. You wanna know. We prefer an element of surprise.
Callie: Mark, we voted. Two to one.
Adele: When are you two finally gonna get married?
Richard: Um, Meredith and Derek already got married, honey. Remember?
Adele: I know that. They wrote on a post-it. I meant a real wedding, in a church and a white dress.
Bailey: Why's there a trailer in my parking spot?
Alex: Is one of these yours? My bad.
Bailey: You're living here? In a trailer? In the parking lot?
Alex: Well, I'm in the race for chief resident. I get the surgeries first, I'm here when the chief arrives.
Bailey: Just get the thing outta my spot. Here. (throws her keys at him) And move my car.
Meredith: (closing voiceover): It's every doctor's dilemma. Do you play it safe and follow protocol? Or take a risk and invent a new one? There can be reward in risk. There can also be fallout. Still you need to book the system every once in a while. Bet big. And when you get the results you want, there's no better feeling in the world, but when you don't.
Meredith: (opening voiceover): Renegades, rule-breakers, gangsters with scalpels, this is the way we like to think of ourselves. It makes us feel bad-ass, sexy. Problem is, it's not exactly true. At heart, we're rule-followers, sheep. We don't break protocol. We follow it to a tee. Because if you don't follow protocol, our patients die and we're no longer bad ass, we're just bad.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Gangsteři se skalpelem (Gangsters with Scalpels)
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: March 24, 2011 on CTV
United Kingdom: April 27, 2011 on Sky Living
Sweden: April 27, 2011 on Kanal 5
Australia: June 2, 2011 on Channel 7
Germany: July 13, 2011 on ProSieben
Norway: November 8, 2011 on TV2
Czech Republic: March 27, 2012 on Prima LOVE
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