Grim Tales

ITV (ended 1991)


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Episode Guide

  • Season 2
    • The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids
    • The Little Peasant
      There was once a village, a village called "Horrid on Sea", where everyone was rich, well everyone expect for one little man who was poor. All the rich peasants laughed at him and called him "The Stupid Little Peasant" and threw bits of lard and rubbish at him, because they didn't like poor people. The rich fokes had wonderful houses, feilds full of cows as far as the eye could see and they all each had six fifty pound notes with jam on for breakfast. But the Little Peasant was so poor he had to eat twigs with no jam. And when he and his wife had eaten all the twigs from miles around they had to start eating the floor of their hut. The peasant was sad to see his wife with mouthfulls of splinters every night, so one night instead of eating his piece of the floor he carved it into a little wooden carf asnd gave it to his wife as a preasant as she had always wanted to have some cows. The wifes loves it and suggests they put it out to graise with all the other cows of the village. So the next morning, the Peasant took the wooden cow to the local cow herd. But the rich cow farmer was so crawl that inside of adding the baby cow of wood to the herds of cattle, he took it to the top of the tallest cliff and threw it into the sea. The peasant saw him do the stunt and took him to the mayor, telling him what the farmer had done to his only carf. The mayor makes the farmer give the Little Peasant a cow to replace his lost carf, but because the mayor also had no respect for poor people he picked which cow the farmer had to give the peasant. He picked the oldest and most sick ten thousand year old cow, and no sooner does the villager return home with it the cow dies of old age. The wife suggests taking the skin of the dead cow to the market and see how much he can get for it. The Stupid Little Peasant does so and sets off into town when suddenly it starts pouring with rain. Up ahead, the Little Peasant saw a rich farmer's house and knocks on the door hoping for refuge. The door is answered by the rich farmer's sneaky and devius brother who makes the Peasant sleep in a puddle on the floor without supper. The poor villager pretends to fall asleep and watches the sneaky brother go into the cupboard and bring out a roast turkey, a bucket of ice cream, a bag of sweets as big as Rik's bottom and a gallon of lemonade. The rich brother began eating, so greedilly that he had two pieces of cuttlery in each hand! During his meal, the sneaky brother talks to himself about how he'd love to be the mayor, for then he could eat everybody's dinner, boss them around, and they'd all have to smile at him no matter what because he'd be the mayor. The brother is lost in his own world when suddenly he hears the rich farmer knock on the door, return home from his travels. Not wanting to share his massive banquit with anyone else, the sneaky brother hides all the food in the bed. The farmer enters and turns out to be the only rich person in all of Horrid on Sea who is nice to people with no fortune, and wakes up the peasant offering him the bed to sleep in. The Little Peasant immeadiately reveals to the good farmer's amazment the secret feast that the sneaky brother had tried to hide beneath the bed covers. The sneaky brother ends up sharing his food with the other two. Before the Little Peasant goes home, the good farmer lifts a floorboard and gives him three hundred gold pieces from underneath. Straight away the Peasant and his wife use the money to build a fantastic house. Not welcoming the little Peasant into the world of rich, the villagers bring the Peasant to the mayor who accuses him of stealing someone's cash to build the house. The mayor sentences the Poor Little Peasant to be locked up in a barrel full of holes and rolled off the top of the cliff into the sea. So that's what the villagers did! They rolled him up to the top of the cliff, but when they reach the top of the cliff the mayor checks his watch and calls "Time for lunch, back in an hour everybody" And as they were all very greedy they forgot what they were doing and went home for lunch. Then as soon as they had gone, the Peasant looked through one of the little holes in the barrel to see the sneaky brother with a large flock of sheep that he had just stolen from the good farmer his own brother! Remembering that the horrid brother wanted to be the mayor the little Peasant shouts through the holes saying "No I won't do it! If the whole world insists on it I will not do it" The brother asks what's the matter and the Peasant explains that the villagers want to make him the mayor if he stays in the barrel for an hour, but he's sick of waiting and doesn't want to do it. The greedy brother who'd do anything to be mayor asked to get in the barrel to take the Peasant's place as the mayor. He lets the Little Peasant out and gets into the barrel, the villager shuts the top down and takes the herd of sheep with him. The nasty people of Horrid on Sea return to the cliff and hour later and roll it straight into the sea thinking that the Peasant was in there. But when they get back into town, they find the so-called Stupid Peasant with all the sheep. The Little Peasant lies to the whole village saying that he had returned from the bottom of the ocean and down below are hundreds of sheep and he brought a few of them back with him. Greedy for free sheep the entire village jump over the edge of the cliff one by one into the water. SPLISH! That was a thin one. SPLOSH! That was a fat one. BONK! That was one who didn't jump far enough and hit the beach, and the whole village was drowned because they were horrible and as we all know that's what happens at the bottom of the sea. Left in charge of everyything, The Little Peasant invited all his cousins that were even poorer than he was to come and live in the houses previously belonged to the late-rich people, he made the good farmer the new mayor and together they changed the name from the village from "Horrid" to "Extremely lovely on sea".moreless
    • The Turnip
      The Turnip
      Episode 8
      Once apon a time there were two brothers, one was called Septimus and the other was called Basil. Septimus was very rich and spent the days riding around in an expensive carriage spitting grap pips out the window. Basi; on the other hand was so poor he had to spend the days as a farmer planting turnip seeds. One seed he planted grew bigger, and bigger and seemed as if it was never going to stop. Eventually the turnip was so enourmous that Basil knew he had to show it off, so he put the giant vegitable in his cart and took it to the palace to show The King. However, the king was so senile that he thought Basil was giving him the Turnip as a preasant. The king takes the massive turnip and in return gives Basil gold, medows and hurds of animals; which Basil delightfully accepts. But whe Septimus heard of what lucky Basily got for one single turnip he became extremely jealous and wondered how he could get the King to give him loads of lands, livestock and riches. Knowing what his brother got for one measly turnip, Septimus could only think of what the King would give him in return for gold and fine white horses. The rich brother does so, but in return His Majesty gives wicked Septimus the giant turnip Basil gave him. Septimus was furious. So furious that he quickly delivered his brother's turnip back to his house, locked it in his stables and screamed all night. He was so mad that he ate his own pants in a furry, he flushed all his toys down the toilet, he broke all his windows, when suddenly he saw an ad in the Yellow Pages for five villianous murderers, with knives in their teeth and stones in their hearts, offering themselves for hire. Septimus decided to have poor Basil killed off, so he payed the hitmen and them invited Basil out on a treasure hunt in the forest. Out in the woods, Septimus immeadiately abandons his brothers and leaves him for the murderers to come out and assassinate Basil. The killers jump out from their hiding places when suddenly they hear a noise, "#All things bright and beautiful (Whack) #All creatures great and small (Kawhack!)". It was the sound of a teacher singing and travelling through the woods, and the murderers all panic knowing that if the teacher finds them trying to kill somebody he'll spank all them all on their bare bottoms! Quickly, the murdereres tie Basil up in a sack, hang him from a tree and flee like the cowards they were. The teacher arrives shortly after they escape, spanking all the plants with his cane, "Ah, good morning, Tree, have you been a good boy? Really well I don't believe you (Whack, whack, whack!)". Basil from up in the tree calls for help, and the teacher lets him out the sack. Basil tells his rescuer what had happened and the teacher decides to teach Septimus a leason. So the teacher gets in the sack and lets Basil hang him up in the tree branch. A few minutes later Septimus returns to see if the murderers had done the deed properly. From inside the sack the teachers calls out "Hello down there" and at first Septimus gets scared thinking it might be Basil's ghost. From inside the teacher tells the rich brother that he is inside the 'magic sack' and from spending time in it has learned all there is to know in the world. The teachers then offers to share in all the knowledge that he has learned, and Septimus accepts the kind offer. But once hung from the tree in the bag, the teacher gets out his best walking stick and spanks Septimus silly with it. Basil lets Septimus out the bag the next day, and Septimus promises to be good from now on and offers his apologies. Basil tells his bro thqt he'll forgive him--that is if Septimus eats the turnip, and so Septimus does.moreless
    • King Thrushbeard
      King Thrushbeard
      Episode 7
      There was once a spoiled and unbarable princess called Beral, she was so unbarable that her father the King decided that she could get married so she could live in someone else's house and leave him in peace. The next mourning kings, barons, princes, emperors and a bus conductor all arrived at the palace so Beral could choose one to be her husband. But Beral was awful, she walked passed the long line of men saying such rude things about them, when she finally comes to a King with a crooked little chin. She made fun of him saying he looked like a Thrush and called him King Thrushbeard before throwing one of the servants at him. Furious, Beral's father hands his daughter to the first begger that comes to the door. The begger made her walk for miles across the country side, passed beautiful cities and everytime Beral asked "Who does this belong to?" the begger would say "It belongs to King Thrushbeard, if you'd have married him it would have been yours". And Beral would say "Oh no, why didn't I marry King Thrushbeard?" "What's the matter? Aern't I good enough for you darling?" "Well of course your not you horrid, stinking, raggedy lump of blah! But I'm stuck with you aern't I?" Eventually the begger lead her to his home in the sewers, and he tried to please his new wife with his finest cooking: rats head and bird droppings. She tipped it over his head. The begger leaves to go out begging, leaving Beral screaming and braking everything. He came back hours later after a day of begging, bringing back a withered up red rose as a gift, she hit him over the head with it shouting "It's revolting, your revolting, I hate you! I WANT SOME CAKE!" And with that, the beggger suggest she work at the king's palace as a kitchen maid so she can nick little pieces of cakes. Beral is furious but goes anyway. While working at the palace, Beral learns that the king is having a huge party to celebrate his wedding. Beral watches as all the party guests dance and thinks about how horrible she has been and decides to make it up to the begger by giving her all the scraps of food she had collected in her jars. Just then, the engaged King Thrushbeard arrives and asks the Princess to dance with him, while they dance the King reveals that he is also the begger that had been living with her and that he disguised himself as a begger to try to show her the error of her ways. Under the moonlight the two are married.moreless
    • The Gnome
      The Gnome
      Episode 6
      There was once a very strange King who collected trees from around the world. His favourite tree was a chocolate tree that he kept in his garden. He loved this tree that he proclaimed a new law: "If anyone eats a single chocolate from this beautiful chocolate tree, by magic they shall instantly disappear one hundred miles down under the ground." But this only taunted his three daughters who really loved to eat chocolates, and they spent six months looking out the window hungrily at the choc that grew on the branches. Eventually the youngest princess came to the conclusion that they're father loved them too much to just magic them under the earth, and they all ran out to eat. But no sooner had they plucked one each all three daughters suffered the fate their dad had fortold... The King later discovered that his daughters were lost, and his tree reduced to a pile of chocolate wrappers. The royal stoned magician explains that the tree will never grow again unless his daughters come back. So the King proclaims that anyone who finds the princesses could have a big prize and marry one of them, and he insisted that someone clean up the wrappers so as to not remind im of his poor lost tree. All the knights of the kingdom go off in search for the girls, and three of the royal gardeners decide to follow. The three searched for ages till they found themselves in an enchanted forest. The two eldest found themselves some comfortable moss to sleep on and because they didn't like the youngest one, they made 'Stupid' sleep of a pile of fissles. On the stoke of midnight, one of the elderly gardeners was woken up by a little gnome. "Good midnight" it said, but the gardener replied with a punch to the face. So the gnome went to the second gardener, "Good five past midnight" but again it suffered a blow to the face. This time prepared, the gardener went over to Stupid "Good ten past midnight" it said and put up itr's dukes. Unlike the bad gardeners, Stupid replied with a friendly hello. The little gnome told Stupid of where he could find the lost princesses and the next day Stupid lead the other two gardeners to where they could be found. Stupid explains that the princesses were down a deep well that had no water in it. The two elderly gardeners offered to wait up at the top of the well and pull Stupid back up again when he returned, and so Stupid went down into the well which lead out into a great underground world. Through this cavern filled with spiders and rats, the youngest gardener found the three princesses; the prisoners of a nine-headed dragon. Stupid quickly chopped off th heads and took the princesses back to where he came from. Stupid put the daughters in the bucket and then had them pulled back up to the surface. When the bucket came back down for him, Stupid put in a dragons head he planned to keep. The two old gardeners pulled it up the well, till it was nearly at the top. And then thinking it was Stupid in the bucket, they cut the rope so that the bucket went crashing to the bottom of the well. The horrible gardeners laughed and danced and waved their pants in the air thinking that the fall killed Stupid. And they went off with the king's daughters threatening to throw them back down the well if they didn't tell the king it was them who rescued them. Back underground, Stupid went exploring the caves till he finally came to a floot hanging from the wall. He took it down and sadly played a tune. But with each note he played a little gnome appeared. Soon there was a whole room full of gnomes, and they each held onto one of Stupid's hairs, lapped the little wings on their feet and flew him up into the golden daylight above the palace where the dropped him ontop of the king. Stupid told the King all about the bad gardeners so that when they arrived back they were banished to live with the dragons. The chocolate tree grew back, Stupid was married to the King's youngest daughter, and the King allowed everyone to eat the chocolates whenever people wanted to.moreless
    • The Boots of Buffalo Leather
      There was once a soldier called Trousers, who wasn't scared of anything. But when the army retired he was left without a job. Poor Trousers had been in the army all his life and didn't know how to do anything except kill people in the first degree. He tried getting a job as a baker but tried to kill the loafs of bread, he tried getting a job as a gardener but tried using the loarn mower as a weapon, and so one and so on. So he was left pennyless with only two things, one was a pair of boots made of buffalo leather, the other was a magic trick he could do on Thursdays which had been given to him by a troll which he accepted in return to stop trashing the troll to a spec. One day Trousers found himself lost in the woods when he saw a sad crying man in polished leather shoes and a green coat sitting by a tree. Trousers thought about killing the man but realised it wouldn't be polite without first saying hello. So Trousers gave 'Shiny Boots' a friendly poke in the eye and 'G'day' and then asked if he could kill him. The man just shook his head and carried on weeping. Trousers then asked Shiny Boots how to get into town, but the man claimed to have lost his way. After a little 'cheering up' Trousers took Shiny Boots on his journey where the soon found a house to sleep for the night. Trousers dragged Shiny Boots in by his head and the two went to look for food and a sleeping place. Suddenly while in the house, the house door opened to ten evil robbers who sat themselves down straight at the table without washing their hands. Trousers and Shiny Boots hid behind the stove and watched as the robber began banging their knives and forks on the tables shouting 'Get us our dinner! Get us our dinner!" Their horrid mother brought in some roast and immediately the robbers began sticking their fists into the meat not using anything but their unwashed hands. Knowing it was Thursday Trousers exposed himself to the robbers and bravely stood up to their threats, ordering them to stand aside as he ate their supper. The robbers were completely shocked as no one had been brave enough to talk to them like that before. The robbers decided to let him have some food-- as a last meal. But when Trousers had finished his dinner he picked up the bottle of the best lemonade from the very biggest robber. He waved the bottle and shouted "Freeze!" and magically the robbers all froze, for this was Trousers's special magic Thursdays trick. With the robbers unable to move Trousers tied the ten robbers up and tied the other end of the rope to a horse. Trousers drank a mouthful of the lemonade he took and shouted "Ezeerf" (Freeze spelled backwards) and the robbers were able to move again. He then gave the horse instructions to take the thieves to the nearest jail. But before the horse could do so, Shiny Boots whispered in the horses ear too. As soon as the horse galloped off Trousers hit Shiny Boots on the head with a silver spoon, believing he confused the horse. The two follow the horse to see either or not it does go to prison. For some reason Shiny Boots seemed alot more proud and brave all of a sudden.. When the two finally made it to town, Trousers received the biggest surprise of his life to find a whole parade and welcoming party waiting for them. Shiny Boots explains that the king of this country had been away for a long time but now he had finally returned and everybody was there to meet and greet him with such joy. Trousers becomes angry as he couldn't see any King anywhere and started to shake Shiny Boot by his feet bashing him on the wall demanding to know where the King is. Shiny Boots reveals that he is the King and that he sent a message with the horse announcing his comeback. The reason why he had run away from his kingdom was because he was too cowardly to be a all mighty and powerful ruler, but his time with Trousers had taught him to gain some courage. As a token of thanks, King Shiny Boots invited Private Trousers to live in his spare palace.moreless
    • The Frog Prince
      The Frog Prince
      Episode 4
    • The Griffin
      The Griffin
      Episode 3
      There was once a King who had an only daughter, but the princess was always ill. So ill that she was covered in green stripes and thought she was a deck chair. No doctor had ever been able to cure her. One night when her father had folded her up for the night, he dreamed that his daughter would get well by eating an apple. So he proclaimed that whoever brought an apple that would make the princess better could marry her and take his place as the king. A farmer sent his eldest son to bring a basket of apples down to the palace. But on the way he met an ugly dirty little man who asked what he was carrying in his basket. "If you must know, you nosey little bogy, it's full of slimey toads legs" the eldest son told him, the little man went off saying "If you say so, so shall it be". The eldest arrived at the palace and boasted that he had the apples that would cure the princess. But when the king opened the basket it was ful of slimey toads legs still jumping around. The king was so mad that he chased the eldest son out of the palace with a stick. BONK! BONK! BONK! SNAP! POKE! POKE! POKE! The farmer sent his middle son out on the same quest, but on the way to the palace the same thing happened. "Oh hello, and what's in your basket?" "If you must know you nosey little dog poo, it's full of hair pigs noses" "If you say so, so shall it be". And when the middle son opened his basket it was full of pigs noses still sniffing and snorting. Angry, the king bit the middle son so hard he had to run home with the king's fulse teeth still stuck in his bottom. So the king reluctantly sent his youngest son, who he didn't like at all and kept in a dustbin for being so ugly. Hidious too bumped into the man and was asked what he was carrying. "I have some apples to cure the princess of her illence" "As you say, so shall it be" At the Palace the apples cured the princess, much to the king's delight. However he didn't want to give his crown to someone else. Though his daughter had fallen for ugly Hidious, he sent the youngest son on a quest to retrieve a feather from the Griffin's tail... After some adventures Hidious unexeptantly returns successfully.moreless
    • The Witch Among Thorns
      There was once a servant called Stan who worked for three whole years, but never did his wicked master gave him any payment. And no sooner had the three years ended the master fired Stan and gave him nothing but three balls of fluff as a paycheck. Poor Stan who knew nothing about money though three pieces of fluff was a good thing and took them on his travels. On his adventure, Stan encountered an elf sitting under a tree who dreamed of even having one bit of fluff. Being good hearted, Stan gave the little elf under the tree all his fluff. So for each fluffy piece, the elf granted Stan three wishes. Firstly, Stan wished for a bow and arrow that no matter what will always go where ever he aims at. Secondly, he wishes for a fiddle that when he plays it everyone will be forced to get up and dance. And third and finally, Stan wishes that if he asks a favour of someone that someone will have to do what he asks. In a puff of blue smoke the elf disappears leaving Stan hold a bow, a arrow, a fiddle and a note with the words "Do what Stan says or the elves will come and get'ya!" As Stan continues on his walk he listens to a bird singing beautifully, but then bumps into a big ugly witch also listening to the bird. Hating nice music the witch threatens Stan to kill the bird to shut it up, or she will turn him into a magget and eat him. Stan doesn't want to kill the birdy, but is afraid for his life so he does as the witch commands. Stan takes his magic bow and arrow and takes aim, but instead of aiming for the bird he points his arrow at the branch the bird is sitting on. As such the arrow hits the branch where he wants and causes the bird to fall from the tree to some soft moss on the ground unharmed. The witch plans on eating the bird, but to get to it must crawl through a thorn bush surrounding the patch of moss. As the witch starts to crawl beneath the bushes, Stan takes out his fiddle and starts to play. Instantly the witch begins to dance, getting stung and pricked by the thorns in doing so. Relentlessly getting sticked allover, the witch tells Stan to stop fiddling in return for a purse full of gold, Stan does so despite prefering fluff over bullion. Free from the dancing spell the witch goes to town pretending to be a nice old lady and tells the nearest judge that a young person had stolen all her gold. The judge is utterly convinced that the witch is telling the truth as 'all young people are guilty' and has his soldiers find and capture Stan. Poor stan is quickly sentenced to have his head cut off. The witch and the rest of the town's people go to witness the execution. But before the beheading, Stan is given a last request. Stan requests to be able to play his fiddle one last time and to make the executioner allow it Stan gives him the piece of paper with writing that the elf had given him. Stan starts to play and without warning, the executioner, the judge, the witch, the civilians and the dogs in the town all get up and dance without stopping. The higher and longer Stan played, the higher the dancers danced resulting in them banging their heads together. In the end the judge spares Stan's life if only he stops playing that fiddle. Stan does so and goes free, but disapointed. Disapointed to have heaps of cash and alas not fluff.moreless
    • The Bremen Town Musicians
      When a brainy donkey overhears the horrible farmer deciding to mash him up into glue because he was getting a bit old, the donkey decides to leave the night before the mashing and become a musician in a town called Bremen. During his escape he teams up with the farm dog and cat that also decide to become musicians. Apparently the farmer thinks they are getting too old as well and plans to do horrible things to them. The farmer plans to cut off the dog's head, put it on a stick and use it as a brush to clean the pigsty with. As for the cat, he plans on cutting him up into strings to make a tennis racket. Because it is so dark they're escape attempt fails and the next mourning they are spotted by the rooster, "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! HEY EVERYBODY! THE DOCKEY AND THE DOG AND THE CAT ARE ALL ESCAPING! BUT KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" Furious the farmer wakes up and sharpens his knife to kill the rooster, giving him no choice but to escape with the others. "I'M ESCAPING TOO! I'M ESCAPING TOO! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" In the end the cat holds the rooster's beak shut so he couldn't make any more noise and they all run off. As they hear the farmer sharpen his blade he talks to him wife saying that she's getting pretty old too. And the next thing they know the wife hits him, and then throws him out the window without even opening it first! The musician animals eventually arrive at a huge house; unbeknown to them the house belongs to an army of animal hunters. Inside the hunters all boast about how they defeated mad caterpillars with a canon and tackled evil ladybirds with an atom bomb. The animals watching them through the window decide to play their music for the hunters and so they do. Each of the hunters got up thinking it was the noise of a ghost and they all ran away into the forest. The animals go into the house where they have dinner and find a sleeping place. Later that night the cowardly hunters decide to go back into the house, each armed with they're rifles. The made they're way back to the house, but all were so scared that one by one the hunters all ran and hid behind a tree. Finally only the very smallest hunter actually reached the house thinking the others were right behind him. "It looks all right to be lads. Lads? LADS!? AHHH!" It was then that he realised that he was all alone in the dark. The hunter picked up a candle and thinking the cat's glowing eyes were coals on the fire he tried lighting the candle by sticking it in the eyes. The cat sprang up and attacked the hunter's face; the hunter was so terrified that he tripped over the dog. The dog bit the man's leg, causing him to jump out the window into the mud where the donkey kicked him. The noise awoke the rooster, "COCK-A-DOOLE- Hey what's this it's the middle of the night? DON'T WAKE UP ANYBODY! IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!" The hunter ran back to all the hunters telling them of an evil witch who scratched his face up, a troll with a knife who stabbed him, a wicked swamp creature who hit him with a club, and worst of all... a rooster! Terrified the hunters all run away faster than as fast as they can and are never seen again. Leaving the Bremen Town Musicians to do whet they liked doing best: watching Rik on the telly.moreless
  • Season 1