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    • Carol: What happened last night? Sandy: Well, this big tree ran right out in front of me. And I'm gonna be charged with drunk driving.
    • Carol: Is there any chance that the phone just might be broken? Jason: I don't think so. I can call the phone company and check. Carol: No! Sandy might call and get a busy signal. Jason: Honey, we have call waiting. Carol: Well, not if the phone is broken! Jason: And we won't find out if I don't call!
    • Jason: We were having a nice brunch at a nice restaurant and we were all eating. That noise was totally inappropriate. Ben: Well, in some countries, it's considered the highest compliment. Mike: Yeah, well, find out where and go there.
    • Carol: Do you guys know everything we do? Maggie: Mike trained us very well.
    • Jason: Go ahead, Sandy. Take my daughter anywhere, do anything. Enjoy! Sandy: Wow, thanks! Jason: I was kidding. Sandy: And so was I, sir.
    • Carol: Sandy is not my boyfriend. Maggie: He's not? Jason: Well, but from the amount of time you've been spending with— Carol: He has never said that I'm his girlfriend, so I'm not gonna say that if he's my boyfriend first. I mean, if he hears that I think he's my boyfriend, and he doesn't think that I should think that I'm his girlfriend, I'd sound pretty silly, wouldn't I?
    • (after making out) Sandy: Mike was wrong. Carol: What? Sandy: At midnight you turn into a sex maniac.
    • Carol: You know, I've never been to a college party before. Sandy: Oh, they're not much different from high school ones—just more people with facial hair. Carol: Guys. Sandy: If you're lucky.
    • Carol: Well, you don't look so bad. Sandy: Uh, to tell you the truth, I don't feel so hot. I got so many tubes and wires in me, I get HBO now.
    • Carol: Mom, I know I've liked other boys before, but it's never been like this. I mean, I thought it was like this, but now I just see I was being a... a silly teenager. Maggie: And now you're a... Carol: Mature teenager.
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