Growing Pains

Carol: Ben, my pancakes are cold. Ben: So sit on 'em. Mike: Ben, what are these little black things in my pancakes? Ben: The ones without legs are Raisinets.

Jason: You know, everything I need is right here at home. I don't have to commute and I don't have any interruptions. Ben: You get to watch Oprah. (Jason glares) Everybody knows, Dad.

Jason: So, uh, what's your area of expertise? Kevin: Typing, filing, steno. Jason: Oh, you treat secretaries? Kevin: I am a secretary. In fact, I'm yours. Jason: Ah, a male secretary. Heh heh, that's kind of strange... (realizes potential insult) ...gely fascinating.

Jason: A male secretary? Dr. Ramirez: Come on! Where have you been, Jace? Jason: Well, it's just that I've never had a secretary with legs hairier than mine. Once, maybe. But that's another story.

Maggie: He has got to be kidding! Thelma, have you seen this assignment sheet? Thelma: Nope. Maggie: Thelma, you typed it. Thelma: Well, yeah, but I didn't read it. That way, I don't get involved.

Maggie: I'm supposed to do a feature entitled "Winterizing Your Dog." So rather than writing an insightful, respectable journalistic piece for Esquire magazine, I'll be showing people how to put snow tires on their Shih Tzus!

Maggie: Mr. Sidlevitch, I am a darn good reporter and I have worked very hard to show you that! But it's not easy when the biggest story I've done in months is "Gingivitis: Are Your Gums Trying to Tell You Something?" Sid: I have failed to make use of your journalistic palette. I accept full responsibility. As of today, I'm out of here. Maggie: Oh, uh, wha... I didn't mean you had to quit! Sid Sidlevitch: I didn't quit. I'm fired. Maggie: You're kidding! Sid Sidlevitch: No, I'm fired. If I were kidding, I would not be packing all my worldly possessions into this pathetically small box.

Maggie: Oh, what if we're all gone? Sid: I don't think you have to worry, Maggie. I said some very nice things about you. Of course, I said some very nice things about me, too, and look what happened.

Mike: Mom, you've had a hard day at work, huh? Hey, listen, you know, you should really ease up. I mean, you're getting some major frown lines. Maggie: If you value your life, Mike, back off.