Growing Pains

Jason: I'm tellin ya, somebody lifted my wallet! Mike: You mean they cut the chain that you had hooked to it? Jason: I did that once! One time while waterskiing and you won't let me forget it.

Maggie: Carol, you haven't seen your father's wallet, have you? Carol: No, did you frisk Mike? Maggie: That's a thought.

Jason: (talking on telephone) Alright, so how come in your TV commercials, the claims adjuster is there writing a check before the dust even settles? What are you laughing at? Look, pal, I'm telling you, my daughter just came crashing through the ceiling. She could have been hurt. No, she's not a large girl!

Lloyd: If you need an exterminator, I have someone I can recommend. (hands Maggie a business card) Maggie: But, but this is you! Lloyd: By God, it is! How can I help you? Jason: I thought you were a handyman. Lloyd: I've obviously never worked for you before.

Maggie: So, how many termites? Lloyd: Well, I hope a lot. Because if it's one, we'd better run for our lives. (laughs)

Jason: What's all this going to cost? Lloyd: Well, it's hard to say. But it is the weekend. (wipes his forehead with a dollar bill) Jason: Alright, thank you. We'll call you. Lloyd: Yeah, that's a wise choice. You just check on a cheaper price while the termites floss!

Jason: Maggie, don't look at me like that! I did what I had to. I had to call and cancel the cards. Some goofball could be on a wild spending spree! Maggie: On a card with a 100 dollar limit? Jason: 250!

Tanya: (still cheery) Uh oh! Carol: "Uh oh," what? Tanya: When we lie down with pigs, we come up smelling like garbage. (cuts up card) Maggie: What??? Tanya: Same account number. Maggie: I am not a crook! Tanya: And where have we heard that before?

Mike: Dad, do you have any idea what you just walked into? Jason: Yes, a structure that I believe I own and can double the rent on at a moment's notice!