Half & Half

(Big Dee Dee waves hand in Earl's face) Dee Dee: Mother, what are you doing? Big Dee Dee: If he's dating Phyllis, he must be blind.

Mona: Don't you need cab fare in case something comes up? Phyllis: If something comes up, I won't need a cab.

Phyllis: This isn't the same situation. Mona: You keep telling yourself that. I'll keep telling myself this chocolate won't go straight to my hips, and tomorrow we'll both be wrong.

Phyllis: They haven't had a real marriage. Mona: What, they have a fake marriage? They dress up in little costumes?

Phyllis: (about the Dee Dees) Forgive them for rushing off. The big one has to do a drag show. Tonight he/she is doing LaToya Jackson.

Phyllis: I refuse to lose a man AND overpay for parking.

Spencer: (looking at himself in mirror) I'm damn fineness!

Pyllis: I'm sorry I called you a drag queen. Big Dee Dee: Thank you. Phyllis: Don't thank me. I just don't want to insult drag queens.

Dee Dee: That is so precious. I hope I still have those kind of feelings when I'm in my golden years.

Big Dee Dee: Phyllis, your clothes match! Aren't you brave, dressing in front of a mirror these days. Phyllis: This is what it's like to dress sober.

Spencer: Old dude's rep is tight!

Mona: (to Phyllis) The last time you dated, people still used turntables.