Halfway Home

Season 1 Episode 8

Halfway High School

Aired Wednesday 10:30 PM May 02, 2007 on Comedy Central



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • C-Bass: What very few people know is that Brother Malcolm X also had an "I have a dream" speech similar to Martin Luther King's. Only in Malcolm's speech, his dream was that one day, little black children and little white children would walk hand-in-hand. And that those little black children would open up their teddy bear backpacks, pull out a knife, and yank those little white children, and take their milk money and their sneakers, and then be, like, "You're gonna pick some cotton, cracker!"
      Carly: I'm sorry, if you don't mind me...
      C-Bass: No, please, this is an open forum.
      Carly: Okay. With all due respect, I'm not sure that you're an authority on the black experience of what it's like to struggle as a black man in America. I think, as a woman in a patriarchal society, I might be closer to understanding what that's like than-than you would know or understand, growing up in Calabasas and attending Pepperdine. Because on the inside, I think you're really a freckled, red-headed boy.
      C-Bass: Class is dismissed.

    • Alan: Let's start with the presidents. (Carly raises her hand immediately) I haven't even asked a question yet.
      Carly: (rapidly) George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Cleveland came back again, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush.
      Alan: (to Eulogio) Back away slowly.

    • Carly: And not a nano second too soon, I am finished, thank you, good bye.
      Kenny: Your not going anywhere, your gonna stay until Eulogio is completed.
      Carly: Why do I have to wait for this moronic simpletin to finish his test!? Its a vacuum, its a vortex between his ears, its swirling dust and wind and condom wrappers.
      Eulogio: Who are you?!

    • Alan: You can teach them about Martin Luther King.
      C-Bass: Im gonna teach them about beating yo ass.

    • Kenny: The best news of all, two very excellent professors will be teaching you. I think you might know them, their names are Sebastian Yates and Alan Shepard!
      C-Bass: Hey hey hey man, I don't teach white people for free Kenny.

    • Carly: Better call Grammy and send me a twenty because I just got my G.E.D.
      Kenny: Carly, that isn't a G.E.D., thats the application.
      C-Bass: You got to take the test bitch.

    • Serenity: Why the hell do I have to get my High School Diploma? Tupac didn't have no High School Diploma...Biggie didn't have no High School Diploma...O.D.B. didn't have no Migh School Diploma! Why do I got to get one?
      Eulogio: Serenity, all those dudes are dead.
      Serenity: They might be dead, but they were rich.

    • (After Carly speedily names all the presidents)
      Alan: Back away slowly.

  • Notes

  • Allusions