Hannah Montana

(Miley is daydreaming about sharing her feelings with Jake) Miley: Move over, girls. (She shoves Amber and Ashley aside, then grabs Jake) Miley: (Passionately) Listen, Jake, and listen good! There's only one dame in the world that's right for a guy like you, and you're lookin' at her! Jake: (Matching Miley's tone of voice) What took you so long, baby? Miley: Traffic! Now plant one on me and make me remember why I waste my time with you.

Lilly: Wait a minute. I thought he took his camera. Miley: Oh, that's Aunt Dolly's. Lilly: Funny. Looks a lot like Oliver's. Miley: Ya, but Aunt Dolly's has her initials on it. See. (Looks at Oliver's camera) Where's the D? (Flips camera around) Where's the rhinestone D?

(Jackson walks in kitchen with his hair sticking up on his head.) Jackson: Daddy, I don't know why but I have this funny feeling that Aunt Dolly replaced my shampoo! (Robbie turns around with the same kind of hairdo.) Robbie: Well join the club son, looks like we've been volumized and Dolly-sized.

(Lilly making squeaky noises) Miley: Lilly! Less squeaky, more sneaky.

Oliver: So I gave the tape to Jake, just go ask for it back. Miley: Can't believe I have to do this. Jake: (To Amber & Ashley) Guys, if I let you redo your tape, then everyone's gonna want to the same thing. I'm sorry, but nobody gets their tapes back under any circumstances. So Miley, what's going on? Miley: Um, I just wanted to tell you that...I know another guy named Jake Ryan, so if you ever hear me talkin' about Jake Ryan, I'm talkin' about the other Jake Ryan. Not you Jake, OTHER Jake. Buh-bye. (To Oliver) You're dead to me.

Dolly: Being a teenage girl is like being in a ballon factory with a porcupine purse.

Robbie: Morning, Dolly. Dolly: Hey. Robbie: (Looks at the living room) Whoa! Looks like my home's been invaded by aliens from the planet Frou-Frou. Dolly: Robbie Stewart, you keep making fun of my decorating, I'm gonna have to tell your kids how you used to run around in a diaper and little black boots saying, "Hewwo, I'm Johnny Cash." Robbie: Come to think of it, I love what you''ve done with the place. Dolly: Hey, good. Would you just say that to the folks back home? And while you're at it, will you please tell Uncle Zeke to get rid of that awful mullet comb-over? Lord knows how that man can take one hair and wrap it completely around his head and down his back. Robbie: It's called a skullet, and it ain't that bad. Dolly: Well, you ain't seen him floss with it.

Jackson: I can't take this anymore, Dad! Between the shampoo, the smelly tissues, and the potpourri, and all these flowers, I mean, I'm losing my manly essence! Robbie: There's only one thing we can do, son. Let's go to the gym and fight back with the one thing she can't take from us - our man stink! Jackson: Uh, Dad, can we maybe do it tomorrow? Aunt Dolly buffed my nails, and I don't to ruin them. Robbie: Do you hear yourself, son? Jackson: Oh, no! Get me to the gym fast!

(Dolly's cell phone rings) Miley: Uh, Aunt Dolly, I think your hair's ringing. Dolly: (Pulls her cell phone from her hair) Well, honey, when your pants are as tight as mine, you gotta have somewhere to put your phone.

Miley: His name is Jake. Jake Ryan. Dolly: Oh, the zombie slayer? (imitates Jake) "Dude, I slayed you once, don't make me slay you again!" That boy is too cute. Miley: I know. He goes to my school, and sometimes he can be really obnoxious. But then he gets really sweet, and then he gets all obnoxious again. Dolly: That reminds me, I haven't called my husband.

Dolly: (To Hannah) Listen, sweet pea. When you decide you want to talk about this boy, that don't exist, you know I'm here for you. Robbie: And I'm here, too, bud. Dolly: Robbie Ray, you nosy hillbilly! Robbie: Hey, I'm not listening. I just want you to know I'm here. And I'm not a nosy hillbilly; I'm a concerned hillbilly father.

Dolly: (To Hannah) Look at you, my goodness! You are sproutin' like a rosebush after a month of rain. Only not as wet, and twice as pretty. Robbie: Woo, doggies! I like that. I might use that in a song. Dolly: Well, fine. First one's free, next one you share profits with me.

(In the recording studio) Hannah: (Singing poorly) If we were a movie, you'd be the right guy, and I'd be the best friend that you'd fall in love with... And I can't sing this anymore! I mean, it's not like girls just stand around, dreaming about boys all day. Robbie: You okay, darling? Hannah: Of course, I'm fine. It's just there's other more important things in life like world peace and... whales. Why can't we do a song about whales? And not stupid boy whales. Girl whales! Happy, independent, girl whales! Robbie: I'll get right on it, darling. "Girl whales, doing their nails. Don't need no males." Practically writes itself. Hannah: Daddy, I'm not saying that's exactly the song. I'm open to other fish, too!