Alex: OK, let's do this. What's my gay category?
Derrick: OK, you're a twink, but I've seen you eat so you're a sloppy twink, which is not as much fun as it sounds. Penny, you drink a lot, you are really loud and you have a lot of embarrassing stories about dating. Bitch, you are a hag.
Penny: But I used to be a beard so I take that as a win.
Jane: I thought I was a hag.
Derrick: No, you're a top, plain and simple.
Jane: Damn right I am.
Dave: Oh, I know what I am. I'm a scruffy power bottom because I have a goatee and I do lots of glute exercises.
Derrick: Your reasoning is wrong but your conclusion is correct.
Brad: Do me, do me.
Derrick: Oh, would that I could Would that I freaking could.