Have Gun - Will Travel

Chemist: Now, about bullets. Now here is an absolutely top quality, two hundred and twenty-five grain bullet, made especially for me by a little man in Yonkers. Eh, just the right weight for, uh, maximum range without loss of accuracy.
Paladin: Now, you know I always use a Burden primer.
Chemist: That, Mr. Paladin, is an unnecessary luxury.
Paladin: Well, shooting a man creates a rather intimate relationship, and I hate to be thrifty at another man's expense.
Chemist: It's your money.

Caleb: (After pretending to almost drop Paladin's valuable pottery urn) I'll buy you a beer, you look a little green around the gills. Two beers. Ah, takes less muscle to smile than to frown, I always say.
Paladin: Oh, you do, do you?
Caleb: I don't like to brag, Mister, but if it wasn't for me to put a little ginger into things, this town'd shrivel up and die of tedium.
Paladin: Well, I trust your fellow citizens appreciate what you're doing for them.
Caleb: You look for appreciation in this world, Mister, you're bound to die a disappointed man. No, sir. I get my satisfaction out of a job well done.

Mrs. Kafka: (After Blessington has threatened to kill Caleb if he pulls another joke) Nora, will you take him home and lock him up?
Caleb: Oh, now, now, now, now, wait a second! I gotta think me up a topper to this one.
Paladin: Caleb. That man meant exactly what he said.
Caleb: Er, whaddya think I am? Chickenhearted? Why, why, he, he dared me. Now, now you seen that, didn't you? Mr, he offered a challenge to me in the presence of my wife. Now, do you think I could ever hope again to hold her respect if I backed down on it? What kind of a man do you take me for?
Paladin: A man devoid of one of Nature's most precious gifts. A sense of humor.