Have Gun - Will Travel

Season 5 Episode 34

Cream of the Jest

Aired Saturday 9:30 PM May 05, 1962 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Paladin: "The jest that gives no pain is no jest."
      Dr. Jonas: Cervantes. That and five cents will buy you a glass of beer.

    • Chemist: Eighteen and six tenths grains. Eh, Mr. Paladin! Eh, you won't reconsider changing the ratio of carbon to nitrocellulose, by just a pinch?
      Paladin: No! Took me eight months to work out that formula.
      Chemist: Your usual amount, Mr. Paladin?
      Paladin: That's right.
      Chemist: That will be four dollars a dozen.
      Paladin: The usual guarantee.
      Chemist: Underwritten by Lloyds of London. If this powder explodes in your hands--ten thousand dollars for the loss of each limb and fifteen thousand for the loss of your eyesight, heh, heh. Of course, you don't stand a chance of, uh, cashing in. As long as you don't overload the cartridges. this powder is as stable as the Rock of Gibraltar.

    • Chemist: Now, about bullets. Now here is an absolutely top quality, two hundred and twenty-five grain bullet, made especially for me by a little man in Yonkers. Eh, just the right weight for, uh, maximum range without loss of accuracy.
      Paladin: Now, you know I always use a Berdan primer.
      Chemist: That, Mr. Paladin, is an unnecessary luxury.
      Paladin: Well, shooting a man creates a rather intimate relationship and I hate to be thrifty at another man's expense.
      Chemist: It's your money.

    • Caleb: (After pretending to almost drop Paladin's valuable pottery urn) I'll buy you a beer, you look a little green around the gills. Two beers. Ah, takes less muscle to smile than to frown, I always say.
      Paladin: Oh, you do, do you?
      Caleb: I don't like to brag, Mister, but if it wasn't for me to put a little ginger into things, this town'd shrivel up and die of tedium.
      Paladin: Well, I trust your fellow citizens appreciate what you're doing for them.
      Caleb: You look for appreciation in this world, Mister, you're bound to die a disappointed man. No, sir. I get my satisfaction out of a job well done.

    • Mrs. Kafka: (After Blessington has threatened to kill Caleb if he pulls another joke) Nora, will you take him home and lock him up?
      Caleb: Oh, now, now, now, now, wait a second! I gotta think me up a topper to this one.
      Paladin: Caleb. That man meant exactly what he said.
      Caleb: Er, whaddya think I am? Chickenhearted? Why, why, he, he dared me. Now, now you seen that, didn't you? Mr, he offered a challenge to me in the presence of my wife. Now, do you think I could ever hope again to hold her respect if I backed down on it? What kind of a man do you take me for?
      Paladin: A man devoid of one of Nature's most precious gifts. A sense of humor.

    • Nora: I knew you'd be a friend to him.
      Paladin: I am not a friend to your husband. I don't like practical jokers. The only thing worse I know is somebody whose lack of humor permits them to kill.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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