Have Gun - Will Travel

Season 4 Episode 12


Aired Saturday 9:30 PM Dec 03, 1960 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Paladin: Do I remind you of someone?
      Fogg: Good Heavens, no. You were recommended to me by the British Consulate as being, on the whole, a trifle more trustworthy than the majority of your fellow countrymen.

    • (Paladin and Fogg exchange cards)
      Paladin: "Phileas Fogg, Esquire, Reform Club, Pall Mall, London, West One."
      Fogg: "Paladin." It shows you have a decent respect for the classics. I shan't inquire into your true name.
      Paladin: I beg your pardon?
      Fogg: I understand that nearly everyone in this part of your country harbors a secret guilt, which, if their true name were found out, might expose them to the most severe reprisals.
      Paladin: Well, you are...most considerate.
      Fogg: Yes. Don't try to take advantage of it. In the meantime, your past is no concern of mine. Good day, sir. (Walks away)
      Paladin: Well, would you mind telling me what that was all about?
      Passepartout: Ah, he made a bet with some other Englishman that he could go around the world in eighty days.
      Paladin: Well, I suppose they figured that, if it could be accomplished, an Englishman should be the first to do it.
      Passepartout: Hmmph. You will find M'Sieur Fogg to be a very excellent master. Firm, but fair. Indeed, the only difficulty is...uh....
      Paladin: Is what?
      Passepartout: He is, of course, quite mad.

    • Paladin: Fogg, nothing was said to me about a woman accompanying us on this expedition. You don't seem to realize what kind of ordeal we're about to undertake.
      Fogg: Is it her capacity for the ordeal you underestimate? Or your own?

    • Fogg: Passepartout, heat the water, please.
      Paladin: What now?
      Fogg: It's 4:00. Time for tea.
      Passepartout: Ah, M'Sieur Fogg, there is no tea left whatever.
      Fogg: Good Heavens.
      Passepartout: I forgot to buy some in San Francisco. I was so unnerved by that abominable Yankee who followed us.
      Fogg: There's some chaps over there. Pop over like a good fellow and ask them if they can spare us a pinch of tea, will you? Explain the circumstances.
      Paladin: Tea? The best you can possibly get from them is what they call coffee; it's tan bark. That's if they're prepared to be civil to you at all.
      Fogg: Civil, to a fellow traveller in distress? I shall go myself. (Marches off)
      Aouda: Can't you stop him?
      Paladin: I'm not sure I want to.

    • Fogg: As I pointed out previously, have no intention of meeting on the field of honor with someone who can neither lay claim to honor or breeding.
      Proctor: And I'm calling you a yella, dirt-lickin', toad-eatin' limey skunk.
      Fogg: Well, it seems to me our respective countries' eating habits are neither here nor there.

    • Fogg: Colonel Proctor.
      Paladin: He can catch us any time he wants to.
      Fogg: Therefore...?
      Paladin: Therefore, we should head for the brush, and turn toward the river.
      Fogg: Sir, are you proposing that I employ subterfuge to evade this ruffian?
      Paladin: Mr. Fogg, it's your schedule. (Uses the British pronunciation)
      Fogg: You have very little understanding of the British spirit of sportsmanship. One engages in a contest not for the sake of vulgar victory, but for the sake of playing the game.
      Paladin: Well, in playing the game, have you considered the safety of this young woman?
      Fogg: Princess Aouda derives from a caste of warriors who've given Her Majesty a rousing good scrap once in a while, and all the better for it. But out in the open, mind you, not, not hiding behind some craven ambush like, like, like Red Indians.
      Paladin: The last countryman of yours who uttered sentiments like that about tactics was a fellow named Cornwallis just before the battle of Yorktown. Now I wonder what he thought when Washington finished with him.
      Fogg: Charlie Cornwallis! That fatuous, second-rate little opportunist, who let those untrained colonists lead him around by the nose? Let me tell you sir, that if Yorktown had been defended by my great grandfather, General Sir Hezekiah Fogg, your country today would be little more than the southernmost province of Canada!

    • Paladin: Mr. Fogg, in our backward little country, we are not yet able to afford playing the jolly good game. We play out here to win. Especially when there are lives involved. Now, if that idea is repugnant to you, you may proceed without me. I am headed for Reno.
      Passepartout: In the words of Daniel: "They shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased."
      Fogg: That's enough of your cheek.

    • Aouda: M'Sieur Fogg, I do not want to leave your side, but to stay here in the open when those men may attack at any moment is sheer madness!
      Fogg: It was because of "sheer madness", as you choose to call it, that my nation was able to build an empire upon which the sun never sets.
      Paladin: Fogg, you have circled three quarters of this globe. With your eyes entirely shut to everything except your small creature comforts and your inflexible routines. Very well! I think it's about time you found out that this is one country where the ground rules of cricket won't get you to second base!

    • Aouda: Paladin, I'm frightened.
      Paladin: What of? You know in a way, Fogg's right. They built that extraordinary empire of theirs by believing the rules of cricket apply throughout the world.
      Aouda: I'm afraid of going to England. Why, even the English poets find England unbearable.
      Paladin: How so?
      Aouda: Shakespeare. "There live not three good men unhung in England, and one of them is fat."
      Paladin: (chuckles) Boswell said, "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life."
      Aouda: Here we are. One man and one woman, bursting with life, alone in the wilderness, and you have nothing more passionate to offer than Anglo-Saxon poetry. Back in our mountains, a man like that would not be considered a man.
      Paladin: Ee-yes. Now what do you suppose Mr. Phileas Fog would do, if he saw us together--bursting with life?
      Aouda: He'd challenge you to a duel to death. Wouldn't he?
      Paladin: I suppose he would.

    • (Fogg and Proctor prepare to face off)
      Fogg: Are you rea-- (Proctor fires early, knocking Fogg into the river) Hardly cricket, old man!

    • Fogg: Why is it that there's nothing that throws women so much as the sight of a man's blood?
      Aouda: Even covered with blood, he's sarcastic!

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Aouda's Shakespeare quotation comes from King Henry IV, Part One, Act 2, scene iv:
      Falstaff: There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old....

      Paladin's {James}Boswell reference is to his book Life of Johnson(1791), from September 20, 1777, and was actually a quotation of Samuel Johnson (1709-1784).

      Passepartout refers to the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament, chapter 12, verse 4.