Dr. Simon Loving
(Paladin hands his canteen to the chained prisoner, who eagerly gulps some water.)
Prisoner: Bloody fool.
Paladin: I beg your pardon?
Prisoner: You fell right into their hands. Don't you think they saw you coming?
Paladin: Why are you chained up like this?
Prisoner: Well, isn't it all perfectly clear? The jail, prisoner, the guard.
Paladin: And I?
Judge Greenleaf: Council for the defense.
Paladin: (Fishing out his card) Moley, perhaps you'd better show him--
Greenleaf: I know 'im. I know who you are. I've had the boys keep their eye on ya ever since you been crossing over into my country.
Paladin: Your country? I thought I was in the state of Arkansas.
Greenleaf: Me and President Grant never did get that settled to both our satisfaction.
Greenleaf: Most folks around here would no more like to set themselves against me than they'd want to be in Hell with their back broke. Not that I blame 'em.
Loving: May I see that card of yours? (Paladin hands it over, Loving scans it and tosses it aside) Kind of man who keeps me in business.
Paladin: Oh, you an undertaker?
Loving: From the undertaker's point of vantage, there's little to choose between us. I'm a surgeon. Dr. Simeon Loving, Harvard '54.
Paladin: Well, Doctor, you're not being tried for malpractice, are you?
Loving: Out of consideration for the, limited vocabulary of the twelve human donkeys who are to serve as my peers, the indictment has been somewhat, simplified.
Paladin: To what?
Loving: To murder.
Paladin: Dr. Loving, it didn't occur to you to turn a wanted criminal over to the law?
Loving: I didn't pry into the man's occupation while he was hovering between life and death. As for the law, there is no law in this howling wilderness. There is only Elroy Greenleaf. To me it was no dilemma at all to choose between that, two-footed obscenity and the sublime oath of Hippocrates. "But whatsoever you shall see and hear of the lives of men, which is not fitting to be spoken, you will keep inviolably secret."
Paladin: In the words of Sam Clemens, "Only the ignorant can mete out unsullied justice".
Greenleaf: Aw, now don't sulk. I want you to challenge me. Yes, sir, you think you can do me, you just go right ahead and try.
Paladin: Oh, I intend to. You wouldn't want to make a small side bet on the outcome, would you?
Greenleaf: Might. A hundred, say?
Paladin: A hundred dollars? That's all the confidence you have in this fine body of upstanding men?
Greenleaf: Five hundred.
Paladin: Now are you or are you not a sporting man?
Greenleaf: What are you pushing for, Mister?
Paladin: Well, if I lose this, uh, "game"? my client gets hung.
Greenleaf: (Laughing) Obviously.
Paladin: Well, who gets hung if you lose?
Paladin: Equal stakes, that's all I'm asking.
Paladin: There's a Federal judge on the way. Be here by tonight, with the authority to put Greenleaf where he belongs.
Loving: Tonight? This'll be over in ten minutes. And Moley never loses any time executing Greenleaf's orders.
Paladin: Then we'll just have to see that it is not over in ten minutes.
Loving: And just how do you propose to do that?
Paladin: Prevarication, procrastination, and chicanery.
Greenleaf: Anarchy! Anarchy and insurrection! To raise a common weapon in an American courtroom! Don't believe anything he says! He's nothing but a liar and a gunslinger!
Paladin: As Jefferson says, "The tree of liberty must from time to time be watered with the blood of tyrants". Now, gentlemen, what is your verdict?
There are a number of references in this episode. Hippocrates, Samuel Clemens (AKA Mark Twain) and Jefferson (although according to Bartlett's Familiar Quotations Jefferson's "Tree of Liberty" quote is actually ascribed to Bertrand Barere de Vieuzac (1755-1841) from a speech to the National Convention on January 16, 1793).
Dr. Loving's unreferenced quotation, "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise", comes from Thomas Grey (1716-1771) "On a Distant Prospect of Eton College" (1742)
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