Have Gun - Will Travel

Season 5 Episode 9

The Piano

Aired Saturday 9:30 PM Nov 11, 1961 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
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Episode Summary

The Piano
European pianist Franz Lister comes to the United States to give a concert for Mona Lansing, a former saloon hostess. When Lister's piano is stolen, Mona hires Paladin to get it back.

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    Antoinette Bower

    Antoinette Bower

    Sybil Lansing

    Guest Star

    Gertrude Flynn

    Gertrude Flynn

    Mona Lansing

    Guest Star

    Arny Freeman

    Arny Freeman


    Guest Star

    Kam Tong

    Kam Tong

    Hey Boy

    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (7)

      • Paladin: Now, being a very attractive and a very wealthy young lady, you're taken everywhere. Rare and exotic dishes are all too commonplace and too familiar to you. So I have taken the liberty of preparing for you a dish I believe you have not tasted before. (Claps his hands.)
        Hey Boy: Paladin. (Presents dish)
        Girl: What is that?
        Hey Boy: Buffaro raunch.
        Paladin: Which I have rechristened ragout buffalo a la Provencal.
        Girl: Buffalo...haunch?
        Paladin: That's correct. Buffalo haunch prepared according to an ancient formula handed down from one chuck wagon cook to his son, and to no one else. First, the fresh meat is beaten with a tent stake, then it is hung on the back of a wagon for twenty-one days exactly, twenty-one days, no more, no less!
        Girl: Twenty-one days?
        Paladin: That's correct. Twenty-one days, no more, no less, and then it is shaved.
        Girl: Shaved. (Gets up hastily and flees the room.)
        Paladin: Well, Hey Boy. A woman who would forgo ragout buffalo would be incapable of enjoying...other rare pleasures. I will dine alone.

      • Sybil: What is that absolutely tantalizing aroma?
        Hey Boy: Buffaro raunch.
        Sybil: Not buffalo haunch! Oh! Would you mind terribly if I had some of this while you were changing into your traveling clothes? I've been away at school, you know. And you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find buffalo haunch in London.

      • Lister: Have you ever heard me play, Mr. Paladin?
        Paladin: Regretfully, no, but I'd like very much to make it possible.
        Lister: Hmmm. Ah. Ahhh, it is an experience which never fails to impress even, even myself. Hmph. A divine Providence saw fit to create out of the unity of a, a Gypsy mother and a Hungarian cattle baron...a human instrument of greatness. At the age of seven, I was taken to the palace of King Harold of Austria. With these hands barely able to reach half an octave, I played the Appassionata. When I finished, the King placed me on his knee, and kissed me. And asked me to name anything I wanted in the world. Anything. (Chuckles) I laughed, his beard tickled me. But I asked for a piano. That, is the piano he gave to me. Throughout my life, that piano has been my life. She was my mother when I was hurt. My wife, when I was lonely. My shield from attack. My shelter when I was weary, and sick at heart. That piano you do not buy like a harlot in a street. You fight for her like a woman you love.

      • Paladin: I need three or four men. The pay's five dollars a day and keep. I'll need you for from three days to three weeks, and there is a chance you could get killed.
        Jerris: Who are we after?
        Paladin: Thieves.
        Jerris: What'd they steal?
        Paladin: A piano. (Crowd laughs)
        Jerris: Is that your idea of a joke, Mister?
        Paladin: This piano is worth twenty-five thousand dollars to the man who owns it. Now, I need four men.
        Jerris: I ain't risking my neck for no music box. We got one in there that's good enough for all of us.
        Paladin: You know, I wish you people could see what I'm looking at. A pack of filthy, unwashed animals. (Crowd mutters) That's right--animals. Grub in the ground like moles, eat and drink like pigs. Heh. You. You people who have risked your lives for a bottle of cheap whiskey, cheaper bullets, you are now offered by a sardonic Fate with a sense of humor. You are offered a chance to touch the hem of Music, music like very few people have ever been privileged to hear. And you, you blather on about music boxes and wallow here in this!
        Jerris: You talk pretty flowery, Mister. Do you draw the same way?
        Paladin: Well, sir, there's one good way to find out.
        Jerris: I wouldn't want to hurt you, sonny.
        Paladin: Oh, now you're talking pretty flowery. The only difference is, you and I both know you're bluffing.
        Jerris: You think so, huh?
        Paladin: Yeah. I do think so. You just said, uh, you don't have the stomach for trouble.
        Jerris: I never.
        Paladin: Well, then you do have the stomach for trouble.
        Jerris: Any time. Any place.
        Paladin: That's fine. Gentlemen, I have one volunteer, now who else?

      • Sybil: How much easier it would be if only it were another woman. Someone I could see, touch, and possibly destroy. But a piano! Can I make myself more beautiful, more desirable than this eternal rival? One who responds to his every mood? Listening even as she sings to him? Embracing him whenever he reaches out his hands for her, receiving a love I'll never know?

      • (Paladin returns from conferring with the piano-nappers.)
        Lister: Was it there?
        Paladin: It was.
        Lister: Well, what are you going to do?
        Paladin: Pay the ransom.
        Lister: You're not going to pay it!
        Paladin: I certainly am.
        Lister: Well, what are they for?
        Paladin: They, like the clarinetist's spare reed, are for emergency use only.
        Lister: P,p, paper, we give them paper instead of banknotes.
        Paladin: Never bluff, Herr Lister, unless you're prepared to be called.

      • Paladin: Now, I must call your attention to the fact that we are not engaged in a Viennese operetta!
        Lister: Mister Paladin!
        Paladin: Herr Lister, at the piano, you are the acknowledged master. In this situation, I am.
        Lister: Freddy! (Freddy comes running; Lister hands him a cigar and strikes a match.) Draw, Freddy. Freddy, twenty paces. (Freddy marches off.) Danke. Your gun, Mr. Paladin, please. Your gun! Danke. Stand back. How true is your weapon, Mr. Paladin?
        Paladin: One inch to the right at fifty feet.
        Lister: Danke. Stand perfectly still, Freddy.
        Freddy: You will be careful of your hands, won't you, Maestro.
        Lister: Hmm. Ya, Freddy. I will be careful. (Shoots off the end of the cigar; aims again and shoots off another chunk before handing the gun back to Paladin.) That, you never saw in a Viennese operetta.
        Paladin: That's very true, however, may I point out, Herr Lister, that the cigar did not shoot back.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • It seems fairly certain that the character of Franz Lister is based on the Hungarian pianist and composer Franz Liszt (1811-1886)