Have Gun - Will Travel

Season 4 Episode 7

The Tender Gun

Aired Saturday 9:30 PM Oct 22, 1960 on CBS



  • Trivia

    • Hal Needham not only plays an uncredited role as one of Yates' gunmen in this episode, taking a fall from a rooftop as Paladin guns him down, he also doubles for Jeanette Nolan for the tumble down the staircase.

  • Quotes

    • Paladin: You said a thousand dollars apiece and the answer is nein, nyet, no, negative. I will not be commissioned to kill a man in cold blood.
      Maude: Well there ain't no law and order! Just think of it! A woman sheriff can't even walk down the main street of her own town. Them ruffians won't even let me. Poor, widow woman. Alone in the world. Nobody cares. Nobody to help. (Sniffs) Always before I had someone to turn to. There was Paisley. Yardley. (Whimpers) Wade. Jonathan. Nobody knows...my problems.
      Paladin: Sheriff. Mother Smuggly.
      Maude: Yeah?
      Paladin: My heart bleeds for you. But there are a few drops left over for your opposition.

    • Paladin: You know, I still don't understand why this town didn't hire a man sheriff.
      Maude: Well, they did. But he had an attack of either underguts or overbribe, and left, and that's when they elected me.

    • Paladin: Hey Girl, don't worry about this gun; it's loaded. It's the unloaded guns that kill you.

    • Maude: Paladin, eh? Well, you're funnier than a gopher snake at a church social.

    • Paladin: How long they had you bottled up here?
      Maude: Couple weeks. (Pours him some coffee) Well, here's mud in your cup. Yeah, ol' Yates sent a feller out to my place to kill me.
      Paladin: Oh? Where's he now?
      Maude: Well, I buried him where he fell. He was too big for me to drag off and, there wasn't a soul that dast come near enough to help a poor widow woman. I just, dug under him, and, then he sank in, and I covered him over. (Paladin sips his coffee and he starts to choke.) See here. What's the matter?
      Paladin: Well, that's...uh, kinda sorta a twilight taste, sort of something between uh...kerosene and hemlock? (Maude stirs the coffee with her finger.)
      Maude: Hmmm. Wasn't that thick last week. Oh, I didn't put no thinner in it!

    • Maude: You're sure you don't want to help me?
      Paladin: Well, I don't see any evidence at all that you need any help.
      (Two gunmen step out of the saloon.)
      Maude: There.
      Paladin: Yeah. That why you been smiling like the Queen of Hearts on a stacked deck?

    • Greve: Maybe you don't know who I am. Ted Greve.
      Paladin: (Thoughtfully) Greve. Greve. Oh, Ted Greve! You ever go back to Abilene? Or can't you forget how they laughed at you? You lying in the dust...crying?

    • Maude: I told you they was mean.
      Paladin: Thank you, you're a good friend.
      Maude: What are you gonna do now?
      Paladin: I pick my own deals; I won't be pushed, and I don't want to be used as a catalyst or a catspaw.

    • Maude: It's all over. I guess you'll be riding out.
      Paladin: Straight as an Indian ever rode to water.
      Maude: You know, I've got a feelin' these local folk would like to see that sheriff's badge on you. You know, sheriffing's no position for a woman. Especially one that's halter-broke like me.
      Paladin: Well, halter-broken or not, ah, I have a feeling that you can handle the job.
      Maude: Well...you're a lot like I am, Paladin. You're all alone in the world. So I've buried five husbands. But they was all smilin'. Now, I got me a nice little spread, and a fine house. And oil. Must be worth something, or that Yates wouldn't have gone to all that trouble to get it. What I need is a...a man, to take care of these things for me.
      Paladin: Sheriff, are you proposing to me?
      Maude: Well, if it, uh, didn't work out, you could always hit the trail. No hard feelings.
      Paladin: Well, Madam--
      Maude: Oh, I--
      Paladin: I beg, I beg your pardon. Mrs. Smuggly? While I must confess that I have seen in my life few sights as beautiful as you in that second-story window with that shotgun, I must decline, with regrets.
      Maude: Ah, I should have knowed. You're the kind that puts a pretty young face in front of experience. Well, leastways, you're a mite too young for me anyway. I need a fella that's spent a little more time on the job. Why don't you come back in about ten years?
      Paladin: Madam, you have a deal.
      Maude: Hah! Hah, hah, hah...say! Tell my nephew howdy.
      Paladin: Nephew?
      Maude: Well, you must know him; his name's Monk Borelli. He owns a fancy place in that home town of yours.
      Paladin: Monk Borelli, yes, indeed, I know him, that's the mangiest, meanest specimen in the human race!
      Maude: Well, he ain't mine. He's my sister's doings.

  • Notes

  • Allusions