A Haven Community
Friday 7:00 PM on Syfy
You see, that's the thing about this town. In Haven, you always lose. So why even bother trying?

Amen, brother! That's kind of how I'm starting to feel about this season. Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to write off the show or anything. But it's kind of slipping down in the ratings for me. At heart, I want an interesting Trouble/mystery, some cool supernatural stuff, a developing back story of bizarreness, and a reasonable amount of romance and personal development.

I'm not sure how much of that I'm getting. The Troubles this year have been kind of eh. The supernatural stuff toned down a little. And a whole lot of backstory being thrown at us. And even more romance being thrown at us.

One thing to keep in mind is that, as much as well love Eric Balfour and his soul patch, and Lucas Bryant, and Emily Rose... they're Syfy Channel actors. This is not to deride them or anything. But we're not talking Kevin Bacon or Robin Williams or James Caan here.

So when Eric Balfour is called upon to emote about how he misses his brother, the brother we barely knew, the brother who inexplicably turned into a psychopathic murdered and then killed himself on his brother's blade. The brother who even Duke didn't seem to care much about.

Well, let's just say that exceeds Mr. Balfour's talents. Not because he's a poor actor, but because it would take an incredible actor to overcome all the wacko plot elements and actually connect his character to this enigma wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a... tarp.

I also miss the humor. Yes, Audrey and Duke occasionally show flashes of their old sarcasm and brilliance. But there's so much romance and tragedy going on now that there isn't much opportunity for it. Even poor, dear Gloria, apparently brought in to give the show some humor, couldn't do much this week.

And then we get the scene where Nathan veeerrryyy slowlllly talked Audrey into killing him. If he was hoping to drive her to it, he succeeded.

So the show seems more soap operaish than ever. And every damn week, the show has to have a situation and/or Trouble that is a metaphor for the main characters' issues. Can't they get their own metaphors and let the townspeople of Haven suffer and/or die in peace?

Anyhoo, on with the motley! Nathan and Audrey are happy, which is codespeak for "Great tragedy by the end of the episode." Duke emotes over the brother we never cared that he had, saying that he was the only Crocker he could stand. So... Wade and Dad Crocker, not a lot of choices there. Duke then decides to dump Jennifer and leave town--ummm, can't he take her with him?

Then it's on to the Trouble of the week. For some reason Duke is going to see his scuba-diving friend Jack, who lives on a quiet urban street. And the Teagues are walking nearby Quite a coincidence. Duke can't resist being a hero and saves the world's tallest 12-year-old girl, looking like he's rupturing his hernia...

So then the Teagues are somehow at ground zero of the pressure bubble but survive, even though the woman driving the car didn't. They get drunk from nitrogen narcosis and Duke and his new friend Jack put them in a hyperbaric chamber. Sadly, Duke doesn't stick around to see if they drunkenly blab any of the several hundred secrets they seem to be keeping from everyone.

Speaking of Jack, we learn that Jack and his brother Aiden are the sons of Reverend Driscoll. In a minor case of retconning, apparently. They're used to indicate how the mystery Hand guys can infect non-Troubled people with Troubles, so the writers choose the two people in town least likely to have Troubles. And... that's it. Wouldn't you like to know how they feel about the people that pretty much got their father killed? Do Jack and Aiden seem at all disturbed to be working with Audrey, the person who shot and killed their father?

In any case, the Driscoll boys generate extreme pressure when under extreme pressure. While Audrey, Nathan, and Duke are all under extreme pressure. Remember when they tried to make the individual Troubles interesting?

So one brother gets control of his abilities, the other one goes crazy and starts crushing the town. This brings us to the Designated Dead Haven Cop of the Week.

I was kind of hoping Officer Rebecca would bite the farm. But she wasn't in this week's episode. Neither was Glen the Cop, unfortunately.

So Aiden goes on a rampage and rather inconsistently applies his powers. Although Jack says the pressure is the equivalent of being several thousand feet down, people seem to only die of ruptured eardrums. Instead of crushed and mangled bodies. The pressure bubble seems to skip over Nathan and Audrey and hit a firehouse, because the director didn't really frame the sequences to give us an idea of geography. And of course, despite the intense pressure, the buildings are just fine.

So eventually Duke finds some high-tech deep-sea diving outfits in five minutes, Nathan snags his airline like a dumbass, and Audrey talks down another Troubled person. Meanwhile, we've been hit over the head with how one brother is willing to sacrifice his life to end his brother's Troubles, reminding Nathan (and us) for what seems like the 20th time that yes, if Audrey kills him the Troubles go away.

But wait, there's more! Apparently the Micmac Indians foretold of a great evil that would be harbinged by crabs with human eyes. Because... umm, I don't know. Crabs with human eyes? From what opium-fueled nightmare did that one come from? Maybe it's real Indian legend, but it just sounds and looks goofy. Would make a cool RC car, though.

So Jennifer sees crabs and it ties in with the Micmac prophecy, which tells us that everything the characters think about Nathan dying at Audrey's hands is wrong. Just too late to stop Audrey from shooting Nathan when she finally has enough of his whininess and apparently puts a bullet in him. But since this is only episode 7 of 13, we know the gunshot either wasn't what we thought, or won't be fatal.

Oh, and Nathan keeps acting like a police chief. What was the point of demoting him if he's just going to do the job anyway. Poor Dwight was gone this week, too, presumably still cleaning up after Johnny Smith's mess in Cleave's Mill.

So overall, I'm giving this a six. I'm getting kind of frustrated with the whole thing, but I'm sure I'll keep watching because that's what show editors do. And because I feel compelled to see how this all plays out. So never fear, I'll still be here.
But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. What do you think?

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