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Syfy (ended 2015)

Helix S01E11: "Black Rain"

TGIFBHIO! (TGIF because Helix is on, right? I can't think of a better way to kick off the weekend than to watch the series of moving images and grating audio that is Syfy's viral thriller. Any show that can make me say, "Is this really happening?" or make me feel like I'm in a sweat lodge is alright with me. It's almost like Helix took a bad video-game story and made a TV show out of it, except it sometimes tapped the A button too fast to skip some of the cut scenes. This is a weird show and things don't happen for any reasons in Helix, except in actuality they only happen for one reason: for our sick entertainment. 

"Black Rain" was a great example of this as either the show's rules are being written as it goes along or Helix knew it was crazy the entire time. Case in point: the vectors are now setting traps for the hungry scientists stuck in Arctic Biosystems. Apparently that problem of the food being infected from a few episodes back is an actual conundrum now, because food was scarce enough that a random scientist lady was scavenging the halls of the facility munching on half-eaten protein bars like she was about to drop dead at any second. Scientist lady, you should know that's not very healthy!

But these vectors laid one hell of a trap for this unfortunate gal by putting a rat in a microwave in an abandoned hallway. I love this show. Think about what these vectors, who we thought were nothing but primordial black barfers, had to do to make this trap. They had to find a rat. They had to find a microwave. They had to find an abandoned hallway. They had to find an abandoned hallway with an available electrical outlet in it. They had to wait for a human to come into this section of the facility. Then they had to turn the microwave on at the right time so that the rat wouldn't explode before the human showed up!

Did they plant the rat in there thinking the scientist would want to eat it, or was it there just to draw her attention because, "Hey, there's a rat in a microwave!"? These vectors are clearly much smarter than we thought, somewhere on the intelligence scale between the average human being and a regular watcher of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I could honestly write 2,000 more words on this rat-in-a-microwave trick, but let's just wrap it up with this GIF.

This show just does not care about rats.

And if an appliance-based surprise wasn't enough to show off how these vectors are not to be underestimated as mere virus vessels, what they did next I'm pretty sure requires a medical degree. Led by Peter, the vectors took the science lady—now in the throes of infection, I believe—to a table and bled her out into a bucket. Then they put all that black blood into blood bags (probably an unnecessary step if you ask me, the bucket would have sufficed but I'm no vector doctor) and emptied all the bags into the fire-prevention sprinkler system and set off the fire alarm so that a bunch of uninfected scientists quarantined in a room would get a sickly shower. No luffa sponge will get off this grime!


It was like the muddy mosh pits of Woodstock '99 except cleaner and much less groping and better music.

With all these Redshirts finally infected (it's about time, guys), it was up to Team CDC to find a way to cure them. Television-based science has a knack for very convenient timing, and Sarah of all people finally made herself useful and applied her biology degree to something other than examining the contents of Alan's pants. I don't claim to know anything about RNA receptors or viral bonds or whatever it is she talked about, but it went something like this (apologies to the science community in advance): bind a reprogrammed Narvik virus with cryofluid so that the cold would slow the vectors' viral defense long enough so that the new version of the virus could work its magic. I think. I'm sure a bunch of scientists reading this just groaned very loudly, but hey, I'm trying my best! My specialty lies with booby traps made out of kitchen appliances, not virology!

All that matters is that it meant that Dr. Hatake strapped on a Ghostbusters pack filled with cryo juice and Julia had endless syringes of Narvik Slurpees to inject into vectors' stomachs, and that gave us the following sequence of events:







It was like when that security guard pepper sprayed all those protesters in Berkeley but better. Also, nice elbow cock after freezing that guy into the fetal position, Hatake!

But there was more danger because this is Helix and goo-spewing zombie men aren't good enough. Constance Sutton's phone hadn't checked in with Ilaria for a while, so the company dispatched what Hatake thought was a 100-mercenary-deep hit squad to clean out Arctic Biosystems and kill everyone inside. Once the vectors were popsicled and cured, a perimeter alarm went BEEP! BEEP! meaning Ilaria's fighting force of extraordinary magnitude had arrived. Naturally, Arctic Biosystem's macho-est men went into action, and Daniel, Hatake, and Alan got strapped with some high-caliber guns and thought they could fight off an attack that had 97 people more than they had. There were a gazillion headlights on the horizon! Oh no!

VS.

But in a picture-perfect example of how Helix likes unnecessary everything, all those headlights turned out to be explosive, unmanned snowmobile drones. They were a distraction for these guys!

HALO jumpers! (Who probably didn't need a diversion since they fell from the sky and only distracted three people.) Turns out Hatake knew EXACTLY who was coming. A three-man murder party led by a deadly and feared assassin named The Scythe. The Scythe! SCARY!

They were outfitted hella-cool, too. It would be so awesome to be systematically assassinated by these guys because they looked like a mix between Shadow Stormtroopers and Daft Punk. And the Scythe walked around with his hands behind his back like a true murderous gentleman.

While walking to kill everyone in sight, they ran into the cured scientists who were unaware that Ilaria had sent a trio of trained killers to snuff them out. So the scientists held the elevator for them. In hindsight I think we can all agree it was a big mistake.





The Scythe don't mess around! Who was this feared harbinger of doom!? When you look into the face of DEATH, what face peers back!? It's...

... STEVIE FROM BEING HUMAN!?!?!? Yep, that's 17-year-old Canadian actor Robert Naylor, last seen as the pipsqueak ghost kid from the American version of Being Human. Now he's the most feared corporate assassin in the world. This is the BEST guest casting I have ever seen and I bow before Helix and it's obsession with destroying our expectations over logic. Bravo, Helix. This was a great episode that entertained by constantly one-upping itself and was beyond any reasonable criticism or analysis. Just rip off all your clothes and let Helix wash over you.



DANGLING STRANDS

– No Balleseros, Anana, or Tulok this week. No village stuff at all. Can't say I missed it, either!

– Oh yeah, Sarah is now silver-eyed, so I guess she has a purpose in this show now! Way to go, Sarah!

– Hatake, talking about getting a vector to stand still so they can administer a cure: "Do you expect them to line up and say, 'Ahhhhh'?" Everything is 10 times funnier when Hatake says it.

– After cryofreezing Peter while Vectorbusting, Hatake tried to sweet talk Julia, who replied, "Oh no, this is not father-daughter bonding time." Ummm... creeping around basement tunnels while wearing hazmat suits and under attack from vectors is the PERFECT time, Julia. 

– Ha ha, I loved how Sarah heard that Julia was Hatake's daughter and she was like, "What?" and everyone just ignored her.

Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 4/10/2015

Season 2 : Episode 13

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Awesome review!!!!
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Great fun altogther considering the subject matter but chuck in a reject from resident evil and a x files black goo mix up and you got outbreak cross with battlestar galatica. So that mean with three silver eyes immortals against the Scythe (Justin bieber lookalike) were going for almighty war and not forgetting those vectors. I think its getting to the point where I am not bothered about answers as the show gets more ridiclous as it goes on. I expect jason vorhees to turn next episode and go one on one with scythe.LOL
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I love this show because of it's flaws - I really hope to be renewed! And the part with The Scythe was so strange and funny (in odd way)!
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This is one of the most ridiculous episode I have seen on TV and the review by Tim is really funny. This show is now becoming like Under the dome and The following. It is kind of sad coming from the guy who made one of my favorite series BSG.

Good news is the story will end and perhaps even if it is renewed, we get a second season with a better story.
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Wtf! The words "deep" and "shite" spring to mind!
Excellent series can never wait for the next one!
Long may it be continued, yes SyFy I'm talking you.
&3
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Convenient writing at its finest was this... episode. But anyone understood what the assassin's team did to the bombs? They haven't even touched the one at Level X yet it didn't go off. I think they used some device to block the signal from the detonator. I was totally expecting a facility like ARCTIC BIOSYSTEMS to have a self-destruct system, though, I was so disappointed... And you are so right about the BH boy, Tim, an immortal ruthless assassin at his 20s... Now that was totally unexpected, just like the SPOILERS-&immortality...;
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My fav moment is still the opening Season song track with Dionne Warwicks' "Do U Know The Way To San Jose" crooning into this sterile absurdity of a SyFy series.
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In Arctic Biosystems, this the way it goes: "Listen! Bossa Nova! Run for your lives!"

Hatake should have said: "Welcome to the family, Sarah!"

And the moment I saw those snowmobile lights, I thought of this:


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Oh dude. I just peed myself.

It was just a squirt.
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And not to mention the rat-in-microwave trap, and the "raining in my heart" traps too! As far as I know the style of Javier Grillo-Marxuach from The Middleman, he likes to repeat jokes a lot, sometimes with very funny results, sometimes with an annoying effect. In this case, itt's working.
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To keep enjoying the show, it needs to stay the way it is: way off and way over the top. If it would take itself more serious it probably would become dull. So stay as you are for those last episodes (and do not get renewed).
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This series is like junk food,it's slimy and cheesy but for some reason I kinda like it.At first I was not into the series but now,with it's over the top storyline and all that cheesiness and crazy situations,I keep coming back for more.Don't ask me why,but i'm addicted and can't wait to see what happens next.You definitely get entertainment and cheesy thrills with Helix.
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I have decided I like this show so much better (actually I go from hate to tolerate) when it is NOT appointment TV. Watching the DVR lets me be in the right mood for the show. I prepare myself for the debacle I am about to see. I get into GOOF mode, know it is an hour to kill, and just sit back and chuckle. Much better. Looking forward to it made me too testy when it drove me nuts.

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I DVR all the shows I want to watch since I hate sitting through commercials. This has also allowed me to watch a show when I'm more in the mood for whichever show it is. It makes the whole experience much more enjoyable.
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The advertisers have strokes when they read that.

But...me too. Mostly. I was counting down the minutes to Sleepy Hollow this fall.
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Looks like you've been taking notes from Price Peterson.

I honestly have no idea if you like the show there is so much snark. Maybe just level with readers first so fans don't have to subjected to your sarcasm (as funny as it was).

And I am not a fan. So...I actually enjoyed your review (alot!). But I if I liked the show, I'd be seriously insulted right now.

To each their own. But I would fess upfront how you feel about the show you're reviewing.
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This episode was OK. I wish there were less of Alan because his decisions and opinions really grate my nerves. He should just let Hatake, Julia and Daniel lead the way from here on out.
The best part of the episode was the Daft Punk assassins. I would have preferred if they had introduced them earlier. I don't watch Being Human so I didn't notice the Stevie casting. Too bad Asa Butterfield doesn't do TV, because I could so picture him as an alternative Scythe. In fact the outfit is already a bit Ender's Game-like....and Asa has those dramatic blue eyes.
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I can't remember the last time I saw a tv show that was so unapologetically over-the-top terrible... and still managed to make me watch it. At this point I realize that no conclusion from this mess will make any sense, but I just don't care. There's just too much "What the hell?!?!" fun to not see it.
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Under The Dome?
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I never watched that. I'm a Stephen King fan, but I kind of hated the book. If the tv adaptation is terrible enough though it might be worth watching with friends and a sufficient supply of vodka.
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There have been lots of fun comments on drinking games while watching. So much fun!
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Now Ketel One I do agree with as it is Dutch, just about a fifteen minute drive from where I live. The strange thing is that their Vodka is so popular in the States but not in Holland. Here we drink their jenever.
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We did that with Helix for a while ("Every time a supposedly brainy scientist does something stupid, drink!") until we realized either we would have been dead by the end of the pilot or we'd have to buy stock in Grey Goose and Ketel One to afford to continue.
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That one's even worse. Do not mention it. But I'll probably watch the second season for laughs.
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I love this show. It's so bad it's good. Even without Doreen (come back, come back ... you were a great character). And any time the cold war jingles come on I can't help but laugh out loud. Call it sci-fi, drama, whatever you want - Helix is entertainment.
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She is allowed back as long as she makes no more attempts at the worst Southern accent I have ever heard.
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The actress is Canadian ;)
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Who tried to do a southern accent. And it was dog awful. Not sure why they couldn't have just hired someone native to the South. She has a "cool" personality on the show, a real smart ass. But I was taken outof it by that accent.

It's the showrunners fault for not telling her to "Tone it down"
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The music in the last scene was.. Tadadadadda daddada dadadad. Whoever watches Helix can understand this and hum along with it just fine everyone else is just way too serious in living their lives. also... Vectorbusters was the first thing I thought when Miksa invented some parts for himself from another man's scraps. Q: it's Sarah vs biology. Who'll win? A: Me, me and only me. And I'll take credit for saying this when Sarah grabbed her head in pain the first time. Girl you so gonna get immortal now.
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This show is more addictive than crack...not like I've ever tried crack, but I am still watching this show.

At first I think Hatake is going all scorched-earth on everyone, and then I find out he's only going to take out whoever Illaria sends and all of the vectors...so just mostly scorched-earth. And this is the guy who sorta' raised Julia and who did raise Miksa/Daniel? He makes Sergio seem angelic.

Speaking of which, where is our sweet sociopath? I miss him, and right now the CDC could use his skills. He needs to stop smooching Anana, go back to the base, and save the survivors from an even worse sociopath.

I'm kinda' bummed that Peter's been cured. He was a spooky, psychopathic supervector commander, and now he's just another guy all goo-goo eyed for Julia. I was really impressed when he kept that other vector from attacking Alan because he was in the middle of executing his master plan. I wanted to see how far his plan was going to take them.

Hatake has the best lines! But did you see how scared the vectors were of him when he was attaching the explosive everywhere? I still want to know what's up with that. And now Sara is like the rest of the immortals. At least she finally started acting like a real scientist. Who knew that was even possible?
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And Peter was supposed to die in the Pilot. What a HUGE rewrite at the last minute. I think they knew their show sucked and tried something.
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Maybe the cure won't stick and he'll go back to being a black goo-spewing supervector again. If not, I vote for him to fall to ghost Stevie.
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Hatake and Peter were the 2 I liked the most.
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Yeah - but rumor has it crack makes you feel good. This is more like bad acid.
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Nope just like crack, bad for health but makes you feel damn good.
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I did notice black goo leaking from my ears as I watched.
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My eyes were silver with anticipation of watching another elbow clock!
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Funny you had to first clear up that you haven't ever tried crack!Don't mind me though I like to take things way too goofily after ingesting Helix!
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I'm more of a heroin guy.
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I am old school marijuana guy. Let's say it's a herbal remedy!
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Stevie? Really. That is the big intimidation assassin. Little ghost stevie. Well then whomever said that the silver eyed people have super strength last review is right. Because that is the only way that works.

It was a good episode. But a little predictable. And a huge waste of Snow Mobiles. You didn't need that much of a distraction if you are HALO jumping in. Granted they didn't know how many security personnel was alive and it wasn't just Myksa, Hatake and Alan the wonder boy.

Alan still might be the worst person at the job in the history of made up TV characters.

Sarah turning into silver eye might be the worse thing that this show has done. Not that I dislike the character but she is rather annoying. If they make Alan a silver eye then I am done with the show. I know they aren't going to kill him. But do give him anything else to screw up.

The assassin thing was just dumb. Who in their right mind trusts three individuals dressed like that. Plus making it Stevie was just bad. BAD!
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next week hatake is going to reveal a hidden shopping mall complete with bowling alley ...Jump what shark? enough is enough! wow
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The ole: "Oh yeah I made this fairly complicated piece of machinery in my spare time that happens to be PERFECT for what we need to save the world" routine.

Jeez, you're tough man. Bill Shakespeare used it all the time.

That was for my good friend @TatraFan to assist in his enjoyment of the show and review.

***We really need an EDIT feature
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You should use Price's style of reviewing more often for this show. Actually this would be a great show for him to review--it would be so funny!

Helix still sucks but I'm still watching so I must like it more then I hate it. I think the vast majority of people have already quit the show and that is why most of the comments are positive now. Personally I don't care what the "majority" do but it does skew the comments.

OMG, if this gets renewed and Almost Human doesn't get renewed then it will be a sad day for Sci-Fi
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By introducing the 500 Highlanders they've opened the possibility of an endless number of seasons. The fight between good and bad (but who is who in this series) can go on and on and on and on and.......

But you're so right that we better get Almost Human renewed. Sometimes I wake up at night, screaming, remembering in a dream that Under the Dome has been renewed and one of those is enough.
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And the same network renewed "The Following" And I apologize because it must have fans - but I really can't understand it. Just starting with the premise being ridiculous and carrying on to the Fumbling Bumbling Idiots (FBI) ...it is unwatchable to me. And I have tried.
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don't waste your time! I barely made it through season 1. I have not watched season 2 and it doesn't sound like it has gotten any better. AH should be renewed and they could probably pay for AH with what they are paying Bacon (slight exaggeration but you kwim).
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How much does bacon cost? Damn I thought it was a fatty, inexpensive meat source.

Oh... ;-p
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Vicky! Damn I just said as much before scrolling. This show was FILMED for Price Peterson.
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the assassin talks like dalek, exterminate lol
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Please renew this show! I love it, especially Peter, Julia, and Hatake!
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(hand on face, spewing between fingers) As Vader would say, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Actually - I'd watch. As long as they promised to make characters act as smart as all their degrees.
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@TimSpot thank you for this review, it was fun to read and that's why we are here.
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Alaria Daft Punk Mercenaries.
why, they're just kids!
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VectorBusters. Love it.
So vectors had to go through painful BlueManGroup-therapy to become humans and they're saved. But surviving humans got days of torment, acid shower plus BlueManGroup-therapy only to become RedManGroup. No fair. I'd pick vector any day.
And thanks for the KeepCalmMug hideousness reminder.
Oh how I love Helix.
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A great episode, a great show.
I guess the immortals are as mortal as normal people when it comes to a bullet or a knife. They are just immune to anything and free of genetic deficiencies/disorders.
The Scythe, a superb idea to have a very young actor in that part. Although, the character might be hundreds of years old.
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I guess the whole writing team is tripping on LSD or shrooms whilst penning down this show. I have no clue what's going on, how we got there and where we are going. It's like trying to piece back together what happened after a bender and you are checking your bank statement to for clues... And even though I keep swearing it will never happen again, you know it will. I guess that's why I keep watching even though every episode I wonder why.

Maybe next week I'll get high before watching, maybe it makes sense if your high.
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So glad this is one those shows that only has 13 episodes! It works perfectly with Helix's plot and keep things going and and entertaining. That's a show that just cannot be cancelled and deserves a good show finale when the time comes.
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Screw it I'm going against the tide; Stevie is the big bad super assassin, REALLY? The episode had two surprises for me, 1 they found a cure and 2 this bull shit, now why did Hatake say that they were only sending one assassin and 3 Illaria agents showed up, so are the other two just a couple of extra characters to kill off? I was fine with the episode until the end. I'm now not excited about the next episode, oh and why would anyone give Alan a detonator, you know he's not pushing anything until the very last minute. I'd trust Sara with it before Alan. I can see him being killed with the detonator in his hand saying, "I'm trying to save you." as he dies. In the end he didn't have the balls to do it himself he had to get Mishka to do it. So um... Sara is an immortal now? Does this mean everyone cured will be immortals.
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My main take away from this week was that the vectors can be incapacitated by spraying them with Windex. I wonder whether that works on regular zombies. Quick, someone call Rick Grimes (we know he'll answer).
Seriously, this show never fails to amaze me. It's like someone is conducting that theoretical experiment with monkeys to see whether they can come up with Shakespeare, but instead they came up with this.
And don't worry about your explanation, Tim, I'm certain scientists cringe with everything about this show.
All that said, I'm still really enjoying it, and can't wait to find out what happens next
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I'm a scientist and I'm loving this show. I just ignore the more blatant science fails and pick the smaller ones to pieces.
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I Ignore them all
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I'm a psychologist, so I don't believe in real science. ;-p
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So you know it's all in their minds
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Fellow Helix fans, if you would like to tell staff what kind of new/other functionalities you want to have on this site, read my post functionality-I-would-love-the-site-to-have. Give your opinion and tell them what you would like to see and especially what you would like to see first.
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That link doesn't work, but this one does.
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I SUGGEST EDIT FEATURE (yes I was yelling. Hope they heard me)
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LOVED this episode. There's really nothing negative I have to say other than the fact that im bummed sarah is alive an has silver eyes now.

I agree the casting of "the scythe" is just perfect. Your expecting this grizzled veteran guy but instead you get a babyface, PERFECT.
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I'm glad Tim told us who he is. I knew I knew him from somewhere
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Loved the review! Helix, there's genius in your madness! And the madness is oh so good :)
1. Peter infected Julia on purpose... for the cure.
2. Loved Sarah's look "Did I miss a major plot point? Not in the recap?"
3. I'm liking that virus more each episode. I said that last week but Alaria should have seen how the vectors acted. Doesn't look like they're just going to die? That virus has better survival instinct than we do.
4.Casting is superb! Good actors no overacting. I bet they all laughed as soon as they heard "cut!"
5. Finally Helix, you had me had at elevator music. Most show would have played some metal, gory music, I like your way better. Here's to a second season and thank you for shooting in Canada!
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I bet they all laughed as soon as they heard "cut! I so LOL'd at this as I saw all, rhose actors knowing what they have been part of.
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Yes. And they were laughing at US.
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Ok, I really ENJOY Helix. It entertains me! Deal w/it!
Tim, your reviews are getting more entertaining too, like I said last time, I'm really digging the funs side of them via the Price Peterson style recap with funny text on pictures. Keep it up!
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I so agree Mirela. But I am already ripping off Price. If Tim does it too he may just use those stupid WORD things we read to change it up. Yuk!
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To answer your PM, Miresla - I meant my reviews were modeled a bit liike Price's. Now if Tim starts doing it that way too, Price will be forced to start just like, typing words and sentences and paragraphs (like writing a book report) instead of his awesome photo recaps - since there would be 3 of us doing his schtick.

A joke. I guess it was worded awfully. It was late.

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I am having ZERO luck with sending PMs. Anyone having trouble? I can read but not send. As Ichabod would say, "Antiquated piece of rubbish".

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I think we should rename ourselves "the viral collective" lol
The music during the rain scene was epic.....also, after the end of that episode I will never, ever listen to elevator music the same way again. Also, I love love love the Sythe; Blonde and blue-eyed with a British accent and two chick sidekicks?....exactly what I'd expect from Helix, which is to say nothing I would expect of any other show.
No Anana or Sergio :( Can't wait until next week - only two episodes left!

Also, any word on if the show has been cancelled or renewed? Google didn't seem to know anything....Considering the format of the show, I wonder which core characters will survive?
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I think we should rename ourselves "the viral collective" I so agree!
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OMG I lost it when Stevie turned out to be the hardcore assassin....I was not expecting that at all, thank you Helix.. And the contamination of the sunroom...epic.. I was wondering if Julia didn't really cure them, like if they get better for a while and then get sick again... But considering how things turned out for Sarah maybe they'll all end up immortals. Although Sarah got spinal fluid directly from Julia so I guess thats a lil different then the anti-virus? I guess I wasn't too clear as to what exactly they harvested from Julia for the anti-virus..
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I'm confused about that too. Did they just use the straight virus, or the virus affected by Julia's antibodies?
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All I remember is Julia talking to Alan about how her new cells can attack the virus and obliterate it, but the vector's strain of Narvik has some defense mechanism that will try and block it out. That's why they had to make them cold so it would slow the Narvik virus down long enuff for the "cure" (I'm not totally convinced the virus won't come back and that their "anti-virus" only works temporarily) to take effect. They said they were "reprogramming" the narvik so I assume the cure is Narvik B virus mixed with Julia's cells or DNA or whatever.
I'm still waiting for Hatake to explain just what the fuck is in Narvik... I mean he never explained to them what he used to create it..wouldn't that be important in finding a cure? What kind of virus turns ppl into black vomit spewing, highly intelligent vectors with weird, worm-like vibrating things in their throats?? Not something u see everyday... I still think it will turn out that the Narvik B contains a parasite.. that's why they have the hive mind and can seemingly communicate psychically.. I have thought that since day one, but who knows.. I've been proven wrong consistently with this show, with the exception of Julia being Hatake's daughter, saw that coming a mile away..
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Thanks for the explanation.
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I like it a lot. Poor rat in it though. Series seems to be getting better.
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I just had a Holy Grail moment as I misread your comment.

"They turned the rat into a newt microwave splat. It got better"
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Sheesh, way off.
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Also, I wonder of the Vectors that got the cure will turn all silver-eyed as well next week?

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I love this show, I really hope it will have a season 2, maybe with the characters getting off the base! And Hatake is one cold hearted guy! The actor doing a great job with lines like "She is important". And the assassin bit were great as well. The black blood virus shower scene with some nice music to go with it! I think all this may turn into cult classic moments!
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Absolutely! I agree.
Helix is just solid entertainment all round. I don't know why but when Hatake said to Allen regarding orally dosing the vectors, something along the lines of: "What you expect them to just line up and say AAAH!" I lost it! Just the actors delivery....LMFAO!
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It's funny, because I love the actor. Once and a while I have to tell myself to back off, when I think he can't act. English is his 2nd language (maybe 3rd) so when his delivery is so stilted - that is EXACTLY what he should sound like. He is the star of that show.
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Oh yeah, he's definitely "language challenged". Actually more like "accent challenged". Lol But somehow that is exactly what makes him suitable to play these type of characters. Like Dogen on LOST (the Kung-fu weirdo who tortured Sayid and was in charge of the temple. Haha. Oh man that fight with Sayid was pretty epic!) and he played Emily's revenge guru Takeda on Revenge. Then they replaced him with another actor! Actually it was probably him who asked to leave because of the shows severe drop in quality.
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I like how your minding numbingly poorly written review is really a 4th grade book report with multimedia.... Awesome to see how fast and far America has fallen! Where is the analysis?
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It's a style. And it's for entertainment. I use it myself because it's funny and different. Tim has written many reviews that read like a term paper.

But yes. I was a middle school guidance counselor. Kids don't even know how to find a book to look things up and reference. I remember being thrilled with PsychLit which were online abstracts to help you find research. NOw - if it's not available via a GargleSearch, thy give up.

But I have to agree with @dazednconfuuzed You sound like the old guy yelling, "You kids get out of my yard!"
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Having standards is nothing to scoff at.
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No, but you have to keep context in mind. If quality seems to be going downhill that's one thing - if the standards are just different that's, well, different. Would you hold a Facebook post to the same standard as an academic article? No. Furthermore, I propose that if someone on Facebook did write a post that sounded like an academic article, they are probably a very, very pretentious person.
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The standard for this no more than I would expect from any review-- it actually show signs of being a review and not a 4th graders' g-rated gonzo book report.
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Damn. Now I have to take it down. BLAST! ;)

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YOU DAMN KIDS! Now when I was young, Big band. THAT was real music,
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9UfNqj8l6U
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Actually, I've always been a big fan Frank Zappa.
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Mystic, Mirela, Laurpr...don't waste your time engaging in a conversation with someone who decries the intellectual decline in American media yet uses "minding numbingly poorly" in a sentence... Wow...
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You're absolutely right. Thanks :-)
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That's because I was typing faster than I was editing. It happens to me. I thought I erased the minding and turned to mind numbingly but obviously didn't edit it completely in my haste.
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oh back off. Honestly your an idiot if you came to a tv community site and expected some perfectly edited, serious, journal like review.
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I didn't expect that at all. I expect more insight than a 4th grade book report with a niffty pictures. I didn't expect this to be written like an article in "Jump Cut" but really somewhere above that of a 4th grader would have been Awesome... Hell, I would have given him praise if he could have managed to bring the level of the writing to that of a stoned highschool freshman.
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since I cant reply to your other post for some reason ill reply here. Get a sense of humour and if you don't like what you read here don't come here its that simple.
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This is a review written for fun, its not meant to be taken seriously. reviews on here are often written from a comedic perspective, they are light hearted.
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I think the joke is on you then.
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You know for such an obviously very intelligent guy, it's weird enough you watch Helix (are you not afraid of losing some of those precious brain cells?) let alone that you EXPECT an analysis of the show. Wow!
Your whole sentence is so contradictory and only makes you look like someone with a 4th grade level of maturity. Sorry but it's the truth. You're negative commenting on Veronica Mars threads and now also Helix threads obviously shows that you watch both shows. Neither one of which is rocket science in the television landscape. So maybe get of your high horse since you are just as susceptible to mindless entertainment as the rest of America.
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It's ok Mirela. I was sucked in as well. Don't feed the trolls. I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt our EQ is higher. Emotional Intelligence. We'd be smart enough not to expect douchy comments to get any traction.

I would also bet my microwaved rat we are higher in IQ as well.

@TatraFan: "Hrrrumph. I am appalled, I say. Damn insolent kids. When I was at Caaaaambridge, I used to pee on American students as a sign of my superiority..."

You sir, are quite the Douchenozzle. I learneded that word froms mine 'Merikinn edumatashun. Good luck ever getting laid. And goodnight.
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Tell me more about how stupidity is a virtue?
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Lol! Thank you. Exactly, I'd rather hold on to my sense of humour, thank you very much. Plus that thing about the "PhD in Philosophy from Cambridge"? Oh please TatraFan, don't you know that boasting about a philosophy degree of all things is as pretentious and puerile as it gets!? How about getting a sense of humour? Seriously if you want to talk about a revolution, I think if every person in the world learned how to be kinder right here, right now would be a small but great start. :-)
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Almost Human... Now, that show's premise went pear-shaped the moment they decided to nick every good idea from neo-noir-sci-fi to the terminator. I've watched about 20 minutes of it.... I often wonder if the writers even have any original thoughts about the series at all?

As for you MirelaPilpo-- being nice is unimportant. And clearly you don't have the historical knowledge to understand that my Cultural Revolution is a satirical in nature....

I wasn't boasting... Edshrinker over there said he had three degrees... I answered with my one degree being vastly superior. That is a statement of fact.
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Kinda thinkin... which review of Almost Human would you want to read? I can only imagine what his would look like. Probably lots of charts and sonnets. ;-p
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To be honest I've never watched more than previews for it... Veronica Mars-- missed that one too... I just don't like stupid people. I feel it is my Platonic role in life to bring them out of the cave or send them to the work colony in the future for offenses against Future Cultural Revolution I plan on having. What did watch today was "Blue Is The Warmest Color"! That was fantastic film.
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Boy oh boy. Read my comment above. Not only are you the guy telling "Get out of my yard" but you're telling the kids their music is too loud.

Give it a rest. I have 3 degrees, one a masters, and I use that style for Almost Human and Sleepy Hollow as well as the Farscape watchback. It's a fun way to present something different, Get off Tim's back. Read some of Price' Peterson's recaps and tell me they are not brilliant.

Then again, don't. I'd be pleased if your analysis was used in "quiet voice"
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@TatraFan

You are one funny dude. Unintentionally, of course. Nonetheless I appreciate the laughter your posts have provided. Maybe you ought to stay in fine literature and stay off the crazy new-fangled interwebs where manner of expression comes in all different ways.
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You put yourself out in the public-- sometimes the public tells you things you don't want to hear. You know the beauty of American Education is that it has been so deficient for the last 30 years or so that pretty anyone can get high level degrees with few problems. I'm of the belief that some point in the near future American Master's Degrees will be the equivalent of European of High School Degree... Good thing I got my PhD. in Philosophy from Cambridge! So, frankly you can say whatever you want...

I'll be more than glad to be the angry neighbor. Some one has to pull the breaks on our culture's runaway train to nowhere.
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Well, the way you're going, I'd say your "Future Cultural Revolution" won't have many members! You might not like stupid people but nobody likes mean people!
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Just wait until I start to sell my "I "heart" Buchenwald" T-shirts to jump start my revolution!
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You call it mean-- I call it tough love.
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Honey, I think that's kind of the point: this site is more informal and humorous instead of pretentious and serious.
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Yeah, how stupid of me to think that a review by an adult might not actually look like 4th grader's book report-- that would be so pretentious! Where as this is just down-home folksiness gets right to the heart of the people. I just cannot believe that people get paid to help increase the cultural decline in America!
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Ed, you keep saying good bye but you never go? You're like a case of herpes-- you just keep on giving.
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Thank you for making this one of Tim's most successful Helix reviews. I'm sure he's really happy about that. You see, you are capable of being nice.
As far as your mean spirited replies all over this post. All I can say is, I hope that you got plenty of satisfaction out of it, I hope you feel like a REAL man now.
Now I will politely ask you to stop replying under my comments in the future. I will stop replying under yours. I'm not going to be interacting with you anymore. Enjoy being an internet troll. Enjoy your imaginary PhD's. Enjoy your imaginary friends. Enjoy never getting laid. Enjoy it all!
Thank you. Goodbye.
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No dude. THE TRUTH runs strong in her. We are a family here. BUb-bye
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The cognitive dissonance runs strong in you!
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Tatra - that's hilarious except you may want to look in the mirror. We are the ones having fun on this site despite your inane trolling.

And you are creeping me out you are following me on other articles and other sites. Damn man - get a job. A life would be good too. All those years of superior education, you deserve it.
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Sometimes a serious review is shown in a humorous way. I believe this review to be a serious one and in the way is is presented to us it is also the way Tim thinks about the show. Enjoy the fun you still can have as an adult, enjoy if you still can be a bit childish. The world is so dull if you're so serious.
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Then I guess Tim is a deficient in his mental abilities??? Not a surprise really.

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You are a very serious and very cynical person. What on earth are you doing on the internet? Let alone TV.com?!?
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ed-- I'm going to call you Francis... think about it.
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Tatra, as far as history goes, you won't have to worry about that yourself unless they write a chapter on douche-baggery.

That is the last morsel of food for you, troll.
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@TatraFan Exactly, be nice. Maybe you should take a trip to a Tibetan Healing Retreat instead? Or how about ComicCon? I hear that's really educational.
P.S. Alexander The Great? I don't listen to Macedonian folk music so I'm not familiar with his songs. But I hear The Undesirables put out a great album in 1962! ;)
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Well, I don't have the ability to send off the undesirables to the beet farms of MN yet so I'll have to do the next best thing. Being nice-- did that get Alexander the Great in the history books?
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@TatraFan Now this comment below is just sad. You say you don't like stupid people and yet you admit that upsetting people brings you joy. There's some perverse logic! So now that I know that I will no longer be engaging in commentary with you. I hope you learn how to be a kinder person in the future. Maybe that should be your "Future Cultural Revolution" goal. To learn to be nice.
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Spreading my brand joy. Basically, I'm bored and setting people amuses me.
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Hahaha. I had no idea Tim's reviews were ruining America. Why do you want analysis from someone you claim is writing on a 4th grade level anyway?
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there are herbal therapies that could totally eradicate this virus from the body meanwhile there has been proofs and lots of testimonies to that effect. I took my time to investigate one Dr. ezomo on how his herbs magically cured my friend craig and his girl friend who contacted this embarrassing virus. Please do reach out to Dr. ezomo via his email: drezomospellhome@hotmail.com, phone +2349032744617 Please don't die in pains and shame contact him now
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Tim's review causes brain melt and black goo.

Price Peterson's makes this happen:

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David Cronenberg's Scanners is such a childish film.
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LMAO. That music LMAO!!!!!
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