Pete: Look Bill, if it's any consolation your wife clearly isn't over you. That guy out there is a Bill Hoffman substitute.
Bill: That's not my wife. That's my daughter.
Darlene: What is with the light in here? I look orange. Does my face look orange? Don't answer that.
Michael: I just want to have sex with you. I don't care what your face looks like.
Darlene: You always know what to say.
Pete: Bill, if you're thinking, you're sinking.
Bill: Oh I like that.
Pete: So did the over 10,000 people who bought the T-shirt.
Pete: Bill, did you put your book back on top of mine again?
Pete: That is so Bill.
Bill: Hye, don't you think having a drink with a patient is a bad idea?
Pete: Not if they're buying.
Michael: (whispers) You feel like taking a risk this week? A naked risk in an expensive hotel.
Darlene: Look I'm not just a sex toy to be summoned at your whim.
Michael: 10 o'clock tomorrow.
(Bill is flipping through a book)
Dave: What are you doing?
Bill: I'm just killing time until you're done being a liar.
Lucy: You totally Rock! Food poisoning everyone in the office, I mean, I just fantasize about killing everyone in the office, you actually tried to do it.
Dave: Lucy, I didn't do.. (interrupted by Lucy)
Lucy: I don't want to hear it. It will only diminish you, in my eyes.
Dave: I'm so embarrassed.
Lucy: Dave, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
(Two Co-worker stop and start speaking of Dave in his back)
Lucy: (abruptly and loud) He's gonna shot you with a rifle!!! Keep Moving!
Jerry : (Smiling and looking happy to see Dave) Hey Dave!
Dave: Hey Jerry! Wait, are you being sarcastic?
Jerry: (Drop the happy face and look angry) What do you think!
Inger: I'm touching a New York city pay phone for the first time in my life. (smell the phone) Smells like the breath of a million New yorkers who can't afford cellphones! This is so amazing!
Bill: You're a growing man Dave, you can't let those people drive you away from your job. Get back to work!
Inger: It's true, you have no designable personality, your job is the only thing that define you.
Bill: Michael, you're late. Why?
Michael: Hum.. Because I hate it here?!
Michael: I get it. You do not know sex till you've slept with a woman who is bat poop crazy.