The Bar None staff and their Dud Ranch counterparts are listed below:
-Mr. Ernst: Mr. Ear-nest; the clumsy, bumbling ranch owner
-Brad: Drab; wears a feed sack on her head while people keep track of how many weeks in row she hasn't had a date
-Jake: Jerk; a dweeb who keeps his job because he is the owner's nephew
-Buddy: Buggy; looks like a pumpkin head on a stick
-Lucy: Lasso; the terrorist ranch hand
Lucy (to Danny): How do you think I feel you making me out to be some kind of dictator who orders you guys around?
(Buddy's tossing an apple up and down) Stop that Buddy!
Jake: Can't you guys take the tiniest joke without being so sensitive? Lighten up.
Brad: I guess you haven't seen the latest edition with the total dweeb who gets to keep his job because hes the owner's nephew.
Jake: Jerk? What is that suppose to be me?
Brad: (reading Dud Ranch) Look at Drab, shes walking around with a feed sack on her head while everyone keeps track of how many weeks in a row she hasn't had a date.
Buddy: Really? How many?
Jake: (knocks on the girl's bunkhouse) Everybody decent?
Jake: Oh, forget it then.
Mr. Ernst and Kyle do not appear in this episode.