Season 1 Episode 4

Speed Ball

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Mar 22, 2010 on CTV
out of 10
User Rating
17 votes

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Episode Summary

Speed Ball
Stan decides that Millie needs a personal relationship in her life, so takes her to a speed dating evening, figuring that small doses of Millie are best for those just getting to know her. Joyce and Crystal butt heads over how much to spend on an office party.moreless

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  • Speed Ball

    I may have to start watching Corner Gas. I watched a little bit of the pilot years ago and thought it was horrible, but seeing Brent Butt and Nancy Robertson on here makes me think they were probably funny on that show as well. The episode was kind of funny, but speed dating? Come on, this has been done on just about every single other sitcom, and in a lot of movies as well. No one acts like this when they are on speed dates either.

    Funny? Yes, but the show still has some work to do for me to call it really good.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (12)

    • (on the phone)
      Millie: Hey, Stan, quick question: how chunky can milk get before it goes bad?
      Stan: If it's chunky, it's bad.
      Millie: I see! How long 'til it's cheese?

    • Crystal: When my dad first wanted my mom to notice him, he threw this huge party so she could see what a big shot he was, and it worked; they were together almost three years.
      Joyce: I just had an idea! I could throw a party for the people here, then everyone would know who I was.
      Crystal: That was my idea. You just stole it.

    • Woman: Would you like to sit down?
      Stan: Oh, no, I'm just here watching over a client of mine. (he turns to see Millie spewing a mouth full of almonds on her speed date) She's doing better than I thought.
      Woman: Client? So... you're a lawyer?
      Stan: No, a life coach. Fully... (she puts her hand on his arm) ...married life coach.
      Woman: A doctor.
      Stan: Technically, no, I'm... I just... I have to go stand, uh, by that thing... outside.

    • Taylor: Heeeeey, sugar-tush! What's going on?
      Crystal: Sexual harassment.
      Taylor: You wish.

    • (Millie is escorted out of the building by a security guard)
      Millie: Ah, he's just mad because I dropped his keys down the toilet. But the speed dating was fantastic! As soon as you're sick of one schlep, ding! another putz sits right down. It's like, the whole world should be broken down into seven minute chunks!
      Stan: Oh, this is great! Meet any new friends?
      Millie: Seven minute parades, seven-minute movies!
      Stan: Any seven-digit numbers?
      Millie: If they could figure out a way to condense all the Harry Potter movies into one seven-minute chunk... are you kidding me?

    • Joyce: What happened to the money I gave you this morning?
      Crystal: I used it to hire the magician.
      Joyce: Magician? Why would you hire a magician?
      Crystal: Because clowns are terrifying?

    • Stan: Seems I may have given Millie a little help in the dating world.
      Anna: You?
      Stan: What's that supposed to mean?
      Anna: Honey, I love you, but if there's someone who should not be giving dating advice, it's you.
      Stan: What's that supposed to mean?
      Anna: I'm sorry, that might have come out wrong. I mean, you're a bad dater.
      Stan: Now, what's that suppos.... well, I guess it's pretty obvious what that's supposed to mean.

    • Stan: (to Anna) Oh, I'm taking you on a date. So wear some grippy shoes, if you don't want to get swept off your feet.

    • (in the elevator)
      Joyce: Oh, look! A party. You going to go?
      Guy: Nah, it looks crappy... and cheap.
      Joyce: Oh, I don't know, I heard a lot of people are going.
      Guy: You heard wrong.

    • Stan: You have to pick one of these guys, take him on a real date.
      Millie: A whole date? What's that? About an hour?
      Stan: No, the whole evening. You know, burgers, then pinball, then mini-putt.
      Millie: That's a date?
      Stan: Maybe.

    • Millie: You gotta get me out of here! This guy is ten pounds of boring covered in bland wrap.
      Stan: Millie, this is just your attention span issue, we talked about this.
      Millie: No, I swear, it's him.
      Stan: Well, then you take control of the conversation.
      Millie: Well, if you like him so much, why don't you marry him?
      Stan: That doesn't even make... look, I have my own date to worry about.

    • Millie: Oh, this is Harvey; it's our first date.
      Anna: How exciting.
      Millie: Yeah, you would think, wouldn't you? Tell them about the cement.
      Harvey: Well, ah, I was just telling Millie about all the different grades of asphalt used throughout the city. See, uh, most roads, (Millie shoots herself in the head with an imaginary gun) they're made with a 43-grade asphalt, whereas parking lots and driveways, typically, we go with a standard 53-grade.
      Stan: You don't say.
      Millie: He does say. He won't not say.

  • NOTES (0)


    • Stan: Hey, who took you to all those Ernest movies? I took you to one of them twice.
      Anna: I remember... I'd like to forget, but I remember.

      "Ernest" refers to Ernest P. Worrell, the main character in a series of movies which began in 1983 with KnowWhutIMean? Hey, Vern, It's My Family Album. The movies were low-budget, and not critically well-received, although they were popular as low-brow comedy.