Hiccups

Crystal: When my dad first wanted my mom to notice him, he threw this huge party so she could see what a big shot he was, and it worked; they were together almost three years. Joyce: I just had an idea! I could throw a party for the people here, then everyone would know who I was. Crystal: That was my idea. You just stole it.

Woman: Would you like to sit down? Stan: Oh, no, I'm just here watching over a client of mine. (he turns to see Millie spewing a mouth full of almonds on her speed date) She's doing better than I thought. Woman: Client? So... you're a lawyer? Stan: No, a life coach. Fully... (she puts her hand on his arm) ...married life coach. Woman: A doctor. Stan: Technically, no, I'm... I just... I have to go stand, uh, by that thing... outside.

Taylor: Heeeeey, sugar-tush! What's going on? Crystal: Sexual harassment. Taylor: You wish.

(Millie is escorted out of the building by a security guard) Millie: Ah, he's just mad because I dropped his keys down the toilet. But the speed dating was fantastic! As soon as you're sick of one schlep, ding! another putz sits right down. It's like, the whole world should be broken down into seven minute chunks! Stan: Oh, this is great! Meet any new friends? Millie: Seven minute parades, seven-minute movies! Stan: Any seven-digit numbers? Millie: If they could figure out a way to condense all the Harry Potter movies into one seven-minute chunk... are you kidding me?

Joyce: What happened to the money I gave you this morning? Crystal: I used it to hire the magician. Joyce: Magician? Why would you hire a magician? Crystal: Because clowns are terrifying?

Stan: Seems I may have given Millie a little help in the dating world. Anna: You? Stan: What's that supposed to mean? Anna: Honey, I love you, but if there's someone who should not be giving dating advice, it's you. Stan: What's that supposed to mean? Anna: I'm sorry, that might have come out wrong. I mean, you're a bad dater. Stan: Now, what's that suppos.... well, I guess it's pretty obvious what that's supposed to mean.

Stan: (to Anna) Oh, I'm taking you on a date. So wear some grippy shoes, if you don't want to get swept off your feet.

(in the elevator) Joyce: Oh, look! A party. You going to go? Guy: Nah, it looks crappy... and cheap. Joyce: Oh, I don't know, I heard a lot of people are going. Guy: You heard wrong.

Stan: You have to pick one of these guys, take him on a real date. Millie: A whole date? What's that? About an hour? Stan: No, the whole evening. You know, burgers, then pinball, then mini-putt. Millie: That's a date? Stan: Maybe.

Millie: You gotta get me out of here! This guy is ten pounds of boring covered in bland wrap. Stan: Millie, this is just your attention span issue, we talked about this. Millie: No, I swear, it's him. Stan: Well, then you take control of the conversation. Millie: Well, if you like him so much, why don't you marry him? Stan: That doesn't even make... look, I have my own date to worry about.