I'm about halfway through this episode of Hit Me Baby One More Time, and I find my self disappointed. None of the bands have made fools of themselves yet. Gods help me, I hope someone destroys a cover song like A Flock of Seagulls did on the last episode (I'd pay money for a recording of that horror).
I was most impressed with The Knack. They looked fabulous in matching black suits with narrow ties. And, despite being the band from longest ago, they made Sharona proud rocking like it was still 1979.
Hadaway sounded fine with his "What is Love?" But am I fired up? Not particularly. I'm not sure his hit was even ten years ago. You want my vote over a band from more than a quarter of a century ago, you better do something shocking like strip down to your tighty-whities and have my name painted across your chest.
Tommy Tutone, from almost as long ago as The Knack, was good. They haven't stood the test of time quite as nicely as The Knack, but they shouldn't feel bad -- few do. Still, I'm adequately interested in dialing up Jenny. If only I knew her number . . .
The Motels? More like The Motel. All we've got left is the lead singer who isn't inspiring me in any direction.
You know, maybe I was wrong before when I said nobody made a fool of himself. You don't have to do anything to be a fool when you're Banilla Ice. (Can I just say, though, to the host -- I don't care if you've got a cute little English accent, I can't get behind pronouncing vanilla with an r-sound at the end of it.) Still, outside of Banilla sounding a little angrier than I remember about the ice, baby, he was . . . well . . . as good as one can expect. That is except for messing up his own catch phrase and growling out "word to your motherrrrr" rather than "word to your mutha." Geez, dude. "Mutha" is not hard to manage, why'd you put that long r-sound at the end? It was the influence of the host, wasn't it? You got confused about where to apply Rs.
At least I have some . . . uh . . . interesting cover songs to look forward to. Man, there were some creative choices made.
The Knack, doing a good job with Jet's "Are You Going to Be My Girl," is really turning me on. I have no idea if any of the band members are originals but the lead singer, but with his level of energy and cuteness and talent, I'm interested. Oh yes I am.
Hadaway, apparently feeling inspired by the little girl inside him, goes with a Britney cover. Newsflash, dude, you don't look sexy crawling across the floor like you think you actually are Britney. Aging black man = young oversexed white girl? Hardly. Your cover of this song is just as "Toxic" as the original.
Oh my gods and goddesses. I need a recording of Tommy Tutone covering Blink-182's "All the Small Things." Oh. Ow. Ow ow ow. Don't quit your day job as a software engineer, my friend. Oooooooh. It doesn't hurt as bad as Flock's cover song did, but still . . . oooooow.
The Motel hittin' a little Norah Jones. Whatever. Don't know why I can't get it up for her. She's doing fine, but I just don't care.
Hahahaha. Oh my goodness. During the "where have they been" bit, just after talking about "vibin'" in the studio, Banilla said, "I'm just very grateful that I've lasted this long." Word to your motherrrr, Robert -- your only hit was 15 years ago. And in some sort of strange reversal of what Hadaway did earlier, Mr. Ice is covering Destiny Child's "Surviver." If I were in the studio audience, I'd almost feel tempted to vote for this crazy man dancing his wiggerness all over the stage like a spaz even though The Knack made me want to change my name to Sharona. But inadvertently funny only goes so far.
And the winner is . . . sigh. No wonder the world hates America.
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