Prologue: Hogan, Newkirk and Kinch meet Willy, a member of the underground, at a farm near camp. Willy has five shortwave radios that need to get to France as part of the invasion. The men all say it is impossible to get them out but Willy insists they must try. However, the meeting is interrupted when Hans, the farmer, uses his pitchfork in the haystack they are hiding in and sticks Hogan. As they all get out, Hogan agrees to the mission. Willy asks what would happen if the guards at camp find them and Hogan says that they got desperate: 'How long can you go without the music of Guy Lombardo?'
Part One: Carter beats Newkirk in a game of gin. Hogan tells the men that the only way to get the radios to France is to have someone deliver them to the border. LeBeau volunteers; Hogan insists someone go with him and Carter volunteers. Newkirk is afraid of Carter getting captured if they get separated because he doesn't know the language. Schultz then comes in and orders a roll call. He says that Klink has ordered roll call every two hours, three barracks inspections a day, and lights out at 9 o'clock. The men are upset, and Hogan asks why all the new orders; he asks if Klink struck out with a barmaid again. Schultz says that he must have good reason; then he thinks it must be the barmaid. Hogan says to scrap the plan and goes to Klink's office to ask what's going on. Klink tells him that a Count von Hefferninck, an SS general, is visiting the camp and also that if anyone tries to escape, that they will go into the cooler. That night, LeBeau stages a phony escape. He has to wake up Schultz, so he uses one of the guard dogs to lick his face. Schultz wakes up slowly, so LeBeau kicks him in he shin just a another guard arrives. Klink then comes over and LeBeau tells him Schultz captured him. Klink orders him into the cooler for 30 days. Hogan says that LeBeau got a light sentence, that he could have sent him to a camp near France, so that he could be tortured by seeing his homeland. Klink then decides to send him to Stalag Four, near Paris. The next morning, the men find out what truck he is being transferred in and when. Hogan says he will find out the route for the truck from Hilda. Then Klink, with Count von Hefferninck in attendance, Hogan announces to the prisoners LeBeau's transfer. However, von Hefferninck says that he should not go to France, where he could get help from the people to escape. Klink then backtracks and orders LeBeau transferred to Stalag 14 in Colditz.
Part Two: In Klink's office, he tells the Count that he deliberately told LeBeau he'd go to France to get his hopes up, only to crush him. Hogan and the men listen in via the coffeepot. Then the Count tells him that he knows about Klink and his fiance, Marlene Schneider, how that they were sweethearts in school. Von Hefferninck says that he came to camp to find out if there Marlene still has feelings for Klink because they are to be married and honeymoon in Paris. This gives Hogan an idea to get them to Paris and smuggle the radios in his car. Hogan goes to Klink's quarters and offers to help Klink douse his old flame in exchange for LeBeau being released from the cooler and Colditz. Hogan goes to the cooler with orders for LeBeau's release. He does not believe it even with seeing the orders. Hogan tells him to call the Kommandant, and as he does, Hogan gets the keys and lets LeBeau out himself. Later, Marlene arrives and sees Klink in a disheveled state: asleep at his desk, drunk, with papers strewn all over the office. When he sees her, he kisses her and drinks champagne out of the bottle. When Hilda comes in, Klink kisses her. Hogan then comes in and tells Marlene how much he drinks. Meanwhile, the other men go to the Count's car and show the driver a scratch(which Kinch did). They offer Carter's services to fix it. In the office, Schultz comes in to continue the ruse of Klink's drunkeness. Marlene is disgusted. Carter fixes the scratch as Kinch hides the radios inside the car. When the Count arrives, Marlene asks to leave and he tells her hat they will get married that night in Paris. The Count says he will remember Klink and after he leaves, Hogan says that they should get used to calling him General. When Marlene leaves the office, Hogan talks to her and congratulates her that her plan of baiting the Count with memories of Klink worked. As they leave, Hogan asks how they will recognize the car; Kinch says that they won't have any trouble--there is a 'Just Married' sign on the back.
Epilogue: As Klink cleans himself up, Hilda comes in and says that 'the general's car' pulled up. Klink thinks it is Count von Hefferninck again, so they go back to 'Klink as drunk' mode. However, it's Gen. Burkhalter. He says that he talked with the Count on his way out and gave him a notehe to recommend Klink for a promotion to general. When Klink says it was nice of him to bring it to him personally, Burkhalter tears it up and says, 'Read it!'