Hogan's Heroes

Gertrude: Moving the guard towers is not necessary? Hogan: Oh, there's never been a successful escape from Stalag 13. Gertrude: Ja, so Klink has told me. And told me. And told me.

Klink: Oh, excuse me. Schultz is drowing in the punch bowl again. Fraulein Richter: Is there, uh, a chance that he might, uh, play the violin? Hogan: When you joined the Underground, you knew you were risking torture.

Gertrude: I would like you to meet my fiancé. Major Wolfgang Karp, this is Colonel Wilhelm Klink, Kommandant. Karp: Herr Kommandant. Klink: Major Karp. Any fiancé of Gertrude's is a fiancé of mine. Uh, I mean a friend of mine.

Hogan: How'd it go? Fraulein Richter: Oh, that violin. I thought I'd scream! Hogan: It's Klink's version of the Chinese water torture.

Klink: What is this remarkable fascination I have for women? Why do they want me? Why, Hogan? Hogan: Oh, I don't know. Could be your brains, your charm, your wit, your military bearing. Klink: Yes? Hogan: Could be. I doubt it. Klink: Dismissed!