Goof: Notice the scene where Jill is holding a pair of Mark's jeans, and the pocket knife falls onto the floor. As she shuts the drawer, she lunges the other way with the jeans, and it is obvious that she's trying to make the knife fall out on purpose.
Goof: At the end of the episode, Tim apologizes to Mark for yelling and screaming at him earlier that day. However, it is clear that the blow-up actually took place the day before, because they are all wearing different clothes, and the kids got up and went to school that morning, after the fight.
Tim: (to Al) Well, I know kids steal things, but my boys steal from you and Harry? Come on.
Al: Things like that happen. Let me tell you a story about my uncle's grocery store. I was holding my mother's hand...
Tim: And this was yesterday?
Al: I was 7 years old.
Al: And she went off to look for the children's appetite suppressant and on the shelf was a cookie, and I stole it, and I ate it.
Tim: OK so, you're saying ... you think one of my kids ate that knife.
Al: (Rolls his eyes back)
Al: So, even though it was only one cookie that I stole, the point is I too succumbed to temptation. Do you understand, Mark?
Mark: I think so but what's an appetite suppressant?
Harry: Uh, something his mother obviously never found.
Jill: And since when are you the only one that makes decisions around here? I thought we were in this parenting thing together.
Tim: Well, somebody had to deal out the punishment, and it certainly wasn't gonna be you.
Jill: Oh, I see, I see. So you deal out the punishment, and then I'm the one who has to stay home and enforce it?
Tim: You want to work together? That's your part.
Jill: Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
Tim: Where are the boys?
Jill: Outside. (he goes outside) And how was my day? It was great. I went to school. It was really interesting.
Tim: (walks back in) I didn't see them.
Jill: I came home. I washed the floor. I did the laundry. I had an affair.
Tim: Who are you talking to?
Jill: Evidently, myself.
Brad: (looking at a Swiss army knife) I'd give anything to have a knife this cool.
Randy: Yeah, me too, but where are we gonna get 95 bucks?
Brad: We could sell Mark.
Randy: Where are we gonna get the other 90?
Randy: (catches Jill looking through his desk drawer) Mom, what are you doing?
Jill: Um...putting your underwear away.
Randy: In the desk drawer?
Jill: Yes. It's something my mother taught me. This way, if you're doing your homework, and you realize that you're not wearing any underwear, then you don't have to walk all the way to the dresser drawer. (turns and leaves quickly)
Jill: (after Tim yells at Mark and calls him a rotten thief) This is one of the stupidest things you've ever said.
Tim: So what am I supposed to do--quit work, stay home, and enforce his grounding?
Jill: No, I just want you to think about what you say, before you say it, and if it's not the right thing to say, then don't say it at all!
Tim: (pauses) Could you say that again?
Jill: Randy, could you leave us alone for a minute?
Randy: But it's my room.
Jill: I was trying to tell Mark a story about when I was a little girl.
Randy: I'm outta here!
Tim: Where's Mark?
Randy: I don't know.
Brad: He was supposed to meet us at the bus stop, but he never showed up.
Tim: What are you talkin' about? I told him to come straight home after school.
Randy: Dad, the kid's a convicted hardware criminal. They're unpredictable.
Jill: Every time the kids do something wrong, you overreact.
Tim: No, you underreact!
Jill: I do not underreact, you go overboard!
Tim: No, you go underboard!
Jill: There's no such word as underboard!
Tim: Can we trust kids that would steal their dad's Victoria's Secret catalogue?
Jill: I'm more concerned that their dad is the one getting the Victoria's Secret catalogue. What are you wearing under there?
Tim: A beautiful camisole and a silk thong.
Tim (about the Swiss Army knife): It's got a magnifying glass, a corkscrew, a toothpick.
Jill: In case they get attacked by wine stewards with spinach in their teeth?
Al: After you left the hardware store, I noticed that something was missing.
Tim: Why, thank you, Al. I do kind of light up a hardware store, don't I?
Harry: So what can I do for you today, Tim?
Harry: Still having trouble with your hearing?
Tim: Herring? I hate fish! When did you start selling fish? Blech!
Brad: The doctor says his hearing will be coming back any day.
Randy: Yeah, we came here to get a hacksaw blade.
Harry: Oh. Aisle three.
Randy: Aisle three!
Tim: So go pee!