ABC (ended 1999)
36. If you're the youngest kid in the family, and something good happens to you that your older siblings are happy about, then it probably isn't good.
37. Unless it's a really special occasion, all Mom gives you for breakfast is burnt toast and mushy bananas.
38. When retaliating against older siblings, it's probably not a good idea to tell them stuff they already know, such as that their feet stink.
39. Eating the inside of a lemon meringue pie and slipping the top crust back on doesn't work; you're going to get found out.
40. Telling your nieces stories about your Christmases as a little girl isn't very interesting.
44. You CAN eat cheese pizza, but only eat the cheese part
45. Tim can actually restore a piano to working condition.
46. Jill can't play piano.
dont share a dorm room with tim
53. Never throw a party when your neighbor is home, looking over the fence.
54. Don't give out marital advice without your psychology degree.
55. Don't bring your mom's pet turtle to a work site with wet concrete.
62. When cooking in the Man's Kitchen, don't look directly at the potato.
63. Women don't like getting pressurized window washers as birthday gifts.
64. Kids never really get over the "tantrum phase," but if they're at least potty trained, that's the important thing.
65. If you're a kid, don't correspond over the Internet with a 30-year-old. Chances are good that they'll show up at your front door and get you in trouble.
66. If you like somebody in your class, it's better, for example, to say just "Hi" instead of "Hi, Beth." After all, that person already knows their name, so why say it?
67. If you star in your own TV show, many people will prefer your assistant over you.
68. Don't tell your little brother that your mom wished he was a girl. That's an automatic one-week grounding right there.
69. Your mommy can't be your woman, but a lot of people would pay a psychiatrist big bucks to sort that out for them.
71. Be careful when setting a porcupine trap, you might catch a cat by mistake.
72. Don't label your fuse box in pencil.
73. When you walk down the basement stairs, look out for the pipe or you'll smack your head.
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