Randall William Taylor (Seasons 1-7)
Outtake: Tim tries to introduce Al on Tool Time and repeatedly forgets his lines.
Brad: (about Randy wanting to be a ventriloquist) Finally, he gets to work with somebody his own size.
Randy: Yeah, and somebody with your IQ.
Brad: Randy, you don't know anything about being a ventriloquist.
Randy: I'll read about it. You see, Brad, they have these new things at libraries. They're called books. They're just like comics, but they don't have pictures!
(taking a quiz about compatibility)
Tim: Now the scientific part: If your wife were a piece of hockey equipment, what would she be?
Jill: Let me see that! (takes quiz) If your wife were a piece of hockey equipment, would she be:
A. A goalie mask - wiry and closed off.
B. A stick – long, rigid and likes to hit things.
C. Elbow pads - soft, flexible, and a good housekeeper. What does housekeeping have to do with elbow pads?
Tim: It takes cares of the joint.
Jill: You are so pathetic.
Tim: Read the next one.
Jill: D. A jock strap - gets in the way a lot but basically supportive.
Tim: And you fell right in between elbow pads and a jock strap.
(Tim and Jill each have a ventriloquist dummy of themselves)
Jill: Nice hair, helmet head.
Tim: Is that your face, or do you have Dutch Elm Disease?
Tim: You and I are a pair of ducks. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Jill: Pair of ducks?
Tim: Yeah. Yin and Yang. They couldn't swim the Chisholm River, right, so they built a bridge, and sat in the middle and quacked.
Tim: Al has been showing us some real craftsmanship with the wooden lathe today. Al, do you suppose if you couldn't pay for this all at once, you'd have to put it on lathe-away?
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
Tim: I've been thinking.
Jill: What was the occasion?
Tim (making fun of magazine quizzes): "If your husband was a pie, what kind of pie would he be?" I'm not a pie! Men aren't pies! Are you a pie, Al?
Al: Well, I'm a Pisces.
Tim (reading the magazine quiz): "How does your mate rate?" How do you rate a guy who's already an ace?
Jill: I think you mispronounced that.
Jill: I've even started to like those stupid bloody action movies. I wouldn't mind having Arnold Schwarzenegger sheets.
Tim (in an Arnold voice): Maria! (pause) And I like going to the mall with you.
Tim (whispering): I kind of like buying lingerie.
Jill (whispering): I think that better stay our secret.
(Tim wants to build a ventriloquism dummy for Randy)
Tim: You've seen what I can do with my hands.
Randy: Yeah, but I don't want you to make the dummy explode.
(Randy is practicing his ventriloquism)
Mark: I saw your lips move!
Randy: Hey, shut up.
Mark: They moved again!
Jill tries to demonstrate her talent for ventriloquism by singing the nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb" without moving her lips. Randy points out that her version sounds more like "Harry Had a Little Ham."
"Love is a Many Splintered Thing" is a play on Love is a Many Splendored Thing. This is the title of a 1955 film, a song by Frank Sinatra, and a soap opera that was on CBS during the late 1960s and early 1970s.
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