Home Improvement

Wilson: I'm going to Greece next week for a fire-walking festival. Randy: Sounds like a hot time.

Mark: What does Dad know about Shakespeare? Jill: About as much as Shakespeare knew about tractor pulls.

Al: We'll be working with aluminum, or as I like to call it, AL-luminum. Tim: You know, you're the only one who thinks it's funny to put the word "Al" in every sentence. Al: AL be the judge of that.

Jill: So how's the new director working out? Randy: Well, let me put it this way. Five minutes after he arrived, I became a radish and got hugged by a big giant potato. Tim: What is this, dinner theater?

Wilson: Close your eyes and pretend you are a vegetable. You can be any vegetable you want. You can be a carrot, or a turnip, you can be very ambitious, you can be a radish . . . Sharon: Thanks a lot, Randy. I thought I was going to be in a play, not in a salad.

Jill: How would you like it if I directed your play? Randy: I think my mom directing me in a love scene could seriously screw me up for life.

Tim: Al uses the old carpenter's adage "measure twice, cut once". Al: Tim's adage is "never measure, cut yourself".

Wilson: Did you guys do something different? Sharon: I took out my retainer! Wilson: And Randy, did you do something different? Randy:: I got in touch with my inner radish. Wilson: Well, your performance was very crisp.

Wilson: Cease, my young players!