Home Improvement Season 5 Episode 13

(Tim and Marty are arguing yet again)
Benny: This is why I make it a policy never to work with family.
Harry: That and the fact that nobody in your family would hire you.

Tim: You think we should sit down and talk, otherwise we might end up like Romeo and Rolex.
Marty: Huh?
Tim: The two brothers with the severe rash that built the halfway house.

Marty: You know I hate it when you look over my shoulder.
Tim: I can't look under your shoulder, I get that horrible armpit smell.

Tim: I'd love to sit and talk, but I've got an eight-pound sturgeon in the dishwasher.

Marty: I'm excited, no matter what my wife says.
Tim: Let me guess, that brothers shouldn't work together.
Marty: No, that brothers as immature as us shouldn't work together.

(Marty complains about the phone being busy for hours)
Tim: Brad, I told you to stay off the phone, didn't I?
Brad: You know, Dad, it's not fair that you always assume it was me.
Tim: Was it?
Brad: Yeah, but it still isn't fair.

Marty: I've had so many doors slammed in my face, I'm thinking about putting a door stop on my nose.
Tim: Binford makes a nice one.