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Randall William Taylor (Seasons 1-7)
During the opening credits in this episode, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is credited after Zachery Ty Bryan and Taran Noah Smith. Every episode before and after this one, the credits for the boys are "normal," because for the 4th, 5th and 6th season credits, Jonathan is credited first, followed by Zachery and Taran.
When Al is standing next to the glass door, after leaving the bachelor party, you can see a boom mike reflected in the door.
Al: Well, we thought we'd be better off just friends.
Ilene: Good friends.
Benny: (to Tim) Does this mean she's available?
Benny: Al's mother's starting to pace.
Tim: I thought I felt the foundation shaking.
Patty: (to Wilson) Are you an usher?
Wilson: Do you think I would buy this suit?
Randy: So, what's going on? Is the wedding on or off?
Brad: Al called at 7:30 and the wedding was off.
Mark: Then he called back at 8 and said it was on.
(Jill is wearing a pink dress similar to Belle's from Beauty and the Beast)
Jill: (to Brad and Mark) Okay, so, what do you think?
Brad: The Civil War's over.
(Tim is wearing a light blue suit with bell bottoms)
Randy: But apparently, disco is alive and kicking.
Al: I have to go home and decide whether, whether there is something really deep between us, or if it's just wild, unbridled sex!
(He leaves. Tim and Jill groan.)
Jill: (to Al) The morning of my wedding, I was such a wreck. My sisters had to literally drag me kicking and screaming the whole way to the church. I was totally freaked out at the prospect of spending the whole rest of my life with Tim.
(Tim brings Al to his home)
Tim: He doesn't want to go through with the wedding tomorrow.
Jill: Oh my God. This is all your fault! (hits Tim with her slipper) You didn't do enough damage on Tool Time? You had to drive him over the edge at the bachelor party?! (hits Tim with her slipper three more times)
Tim: (to Al) I told you she'd blame this on me!
Jill: You're gonna tie cans to the bumper and spray shaving cream on the windshield? Is that supposed to be funny?
Randy: Dad thinks so.
Jill: Really? Why don't you try doing this to his car and see how funny he thinks it is?
Brad: I like the way you think.
Tim: Let's not forget the bride-to-be, Dr. Ilene Louise Markham... hyphen-hyphen!
Benny: Hyphen. Is that a Ukrainian name?
Wilson: Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee." To which Winston Churchill replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it."
(The men laugh)
Benny: (to Harry) Churchill, huh? Does he ever play Vegas?
(During Al's bachelor party)
Harry: And then she says, "50 bucks, Senator. Same as in town."
(Everyone except Al laughs)
Al: I don't get it. Do you get it, Cal?
Marty: It's amazing. The flannel brothers haven't gotten one joke yet.
Al: Well, we were brought up in a very proper home. Mother did shield us from a lot.
Tim: Your mother could shield Michigan from the sun.
Al: Nobody would go to a wedding on a Tuesday.
Tim: Aha! Added bonus then. It eliminates 80% of your rogue relatives.
Tim: And of course, you all know my assistant, Al "Here Comes the Groom" Borland! Big day tomorrow, right Al?
Al: Uh, yes, tomorrow is the big day. Uh, in 23 hours and 39 minutes, Dr. Ilene Louise Markham will become Dr. Ilene Louise Markham-hyphen-Borland.
Tim: It rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?
Jill: How could you say all those idiotic things on Tool Time?
Tim: You're going to have to be more specific.
Jill: How could you stereotype women like that?
Tim: Again, you're going to have to be more specific.
(Tim comes into the house with a huge wrapped present)
Randy: Big gift. You and Mom have a big fight?
Tim: It's for Al.
Mark: You and Al have a big fight?
Tim: Women want those wedding cakes that are tiered, look like Aztec sacrificial altars, right?
Al: How can you compare bathrooms and weddings?
Tim: Well, during my wedding, I spent most of the time in the bathroom.
Tim: How's it going in the church?
Marty: Oh, pretty good. Heidi got her hoop skirt caught in the communion rail. All the guys are lining up to help her get untangled.
Ilene: The things I used to find charming about him, I now find annoying.
Jill: But that's marriage!
Ilene: You know that snorting sound he makes? (demonstrates it)
Jill: But it's cute, and he only does it after he tells a joke.
Ilene: He does it after a few other things too.
Al: Doesn't anyone have something good to say about marriage?
Harry: Be good if mine ended!
(Discussing Al's bachelor party)
Tim: This is not a party for kids.
Randy: Ooh, what are you going to do, sit around and tell dirty jokes?
Tim: Waste of time, Al wouldn't get any of them.
Sherry Hursey makes her final appearance as Ilene.
Something Old, Someone New...This is an allusion to the old marriage tradition - the bride is supposed to have something old, something new, (and something borrowed and blue).
Al mentions wanting to marry a woman like Barbara Walters. Barbara is a longtime ABC news anchor who used to co-host 20/20 and is currently on The View.
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