Randall William Taylor (Seasons 1-7)
Ilene states that Al is 37 years old in this episode, but several episodes later (in the season finale), Al is depressed about his upcoming 37th birthday.
Outtakes: Tim and Al ask if they'll have to sleep at the airport. The clerk says, "I'm afraid not," and points to a "No Loitering" sign.
Crew members are visibly walking around outside the "airplane." Tim notices this and tells the pilot he's flying too low.
The clerk asks Tim and Al if they want to buy flight insurance, they say no, and he says, "Okay, but if the plane crashes, you'll be sorry."
Tim: Alright, great news guys. This year, you're gonna help me beat Doc Johnson in the lighting contest.
Mark: I can't believe you're gonna let us help this year.
Tim: Well, you've earned it. You're a year older, more mature, more responsible.
Randy: And since you're going out of town, you have no choice.
Tim: Hey, hey, hey. What have I always taught you? What Christmas is all about?
Randy: Beating the pants off an 80 year old proctologist in a lighting contest.
Tim: That's the spirit.
Tim: Well, looks like we're gonna make it home in time for Christmas, Al.
Al: The only problem is I still don't know what to do about Ilene and my mother. How can I choose between the woman who means more to me than anything, and my girlfriend?
(Tim looks away in exasperation)
(Tim and Jill are talking on the phone)
Jill: You're gonna miss Christmas Eve.
Tim: I have never missed a Christmas Eve with you, and tonight's not gonna be the night. No matter what it takes, I'm getting home.
Jill: Well I hope so, 'cause the boys are gonna be really disappointed when I tell them. Wait, hold on a second.
(Brad, Randy and Mark enter from the backyard)
Jill: Guys, it's your father. He's stranded in the middle of nowhere. He may not make it back tonight.
Brad, Randy and Mark: Alright! Cool! Yeah!
Jill: Wait a second! You don't want to see your father on Christmas Eve?
Brad: It's not that. We just want to do the lighting contest by ourselves.
Tim: (from the phone) What's going on?
Jill: The boys are crushed. I'm trying to comfort them.
(As the plane gets ready to land in Detroit)
Tim: If he lands there, he's gonna land right on the manger. (pause) Hey, what's a clown doing next to Baby Jesus?
Al: On the other hand, she's my mother. On the other hand, Ilene could be the mother of my children. On the other hand . . .
Tim: Al, that's like eight hands. Why don't you take one of them and slap yourself?
Jill: Why are you putting that guy up there?
Randy: We had a little Wise Man accident.
Mark: Now we have two Wise Men and a clown!
Jill: So now the Three Wise Men come bearing gold, frankincense, and a seltzer bottle?
(Al takes the phone, wanting to talk to Ilene)
Al: Sugar Pumpkin?
Randy: No Sweet Pea, I'll get Sugar Pumpkin.
Ilene (to Al): I am sick of you always putting your mother up on a big pedestal!
Jill: You gotta admire him for having the strength to hoist her up there. (to Tim) Oh God, I'm turning into you!
Tim: Fun, isn't it?
(when Tim and Al are in a tight situation to get out of the airport that they're stuck in)
Clerk: What's the emergency?
Al: We're leading an elf parade!
Clerk: Come back when you're donating a kidney.
(in reference to Al's gift to Ilene for Christmas)
Tim: You gave her spare change from a bloody gum convention?
Al: How can I turn my back on the woman who nurtured me from the womb?
Jill: Guys, why don't you take a break? Ilene's got cookies for you. If they taste salty, don't say anything about it. She's been crying into the batter.
Clerk: Now, what kind of car would you like? We're running a special on convertibles.
Tim: It's 4 degrees outside.
Clerk: Then I'd advise you to leave the top up.
Al: Uh, could you give us any maps so we can find our way to Kinross?
Clerk: No problem. I don't think the map will do you much good.
Al: Why not?
Clerk: The roads are closed.
Tim: Well, why are we renting a car if we can't drive it anywhere?
Clerk: I was wondering the same thing myself.
Mark: Do we get to put up the manger?
Tim: No, I'll put up the manger when I get home. That's my specialty.
Randy: Last year your "specialty" fell through the roof.
Title: "Twas the Flight Before Christmas"
The title is a reference to a line from the Christmas story The Night Before Christmas. The earlier episode title "Twas the Blight Before Christmas" was also inspired by this line.
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