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Falsone: You know last year my grandmother dies right. I go over to the nursing home to sign the body out to the funeral house. I'm talking to the head nurse alright, her sister is standing next to me. And I'm thinking I can nail this chick. You know my grandmother just dies and my smart monkey instincts are telling me to procreate.
Lewis: Yeah, it's all part of the grieving process.
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Lange: God invents pain, man invents booze and right now he can kiss my ass.
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Lang: Ok, you pull me out, how long before my heart stops?
Medic: Thirty seconds. A minute.
Lang: And five minutes to the hospital.
Medic: Yes.
Lang: You heard her she said five minutes.
Pembleton: Right, she did.
Lang: Any longer than that you take this lame ass, you drag her out to the middle of the street and you shoot her.
Pembleton: Deal. How many shots?
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Lang: This is what I get. An ice cube. No food or anything.
Pembleton: It's the best I can do. The medics said you get everything you need through your IV.
Lang: Well tell 'em to hook this thing to a damn cheeseburger. A chocolate malt, something. I can't get a last meal? A murderer, a serial killer about to get the plug pulled gets to choose a damn last mean. This is on your head, you miserable bitch.
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Lewis: That's what I'm saying, it's my eyes man, I gotta get 'em checked. Damn, last year it was something wrong with my teeth this year I don't know something gonna cat up on my stomach. Next thing you know I'm gonna have ball drop, man.
Falsone: Ball drop?
Lewis: Testicular droopage. Old age starts to creep up on you man before you know it everything goes south.
Falsone: Oh, you mean scrotal gravity.
Lewis: Ah-hah.
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Lewis: We supposed to track this woman down in like an instance, huh? What am I missing persons? I can't even find my own behind with a map and a three day head start.
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Bayliss: Ok, tell the Lieutenant we've got enough witnesses here to fill a trekkie convention.
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Lewis: My two greatest fears.
Falsone: What, there's a ranking system.
Lewis: Yeah, the first one is death.