Hope & Faith Forums

Okay, I am going to be doing a season four of Hope and Faith. I will post them in 4 sections. Teaser, act 1, act 2, and closing credits. This is the first episode's teaser! Tell me if you like it! If you do I will continue! Thanx and good reading!

Hope and Faith- You've Got to Have Faith

Open on Hope and Faith walking through the back door of their house and into the kitchen. They are looking around for Charlie.)

Faith- Alright, he's not around. I say we hop in the truck and keep going until we hit Mexico. (Hope gives Faith a sarcastic look.) What- that's what they do in the movies!

Hope- Faith! We have to fix Charlie's new truck. He just bought it and he'll kill both of us if we don't.

Faith- (After a long pause.) But more so you, right?

Hope- Faith!

Faith- Hey, don't bring me into this! You got us into this mess and you can get us out!

Hope- Faith, you were driving 100 miles per hour in a 50 mile per hour zone. You're lucky the police didn't pull us over.

Faith: (Nonchantly waves her hand.) Don't worry about the cops. I've got a secret weapon sister! (She grabs her breasts and winks at Hope.)

Hope: (Sighs.) I guess I'll just have to tell Charlie the truth.

Faith: What does the truth fix? It didn't fix anything when I admitted I spilt tan-ger-ine (She pronounces it like tan gur ine.) juice on your new blouse!

Hope: That was you!

Charlie- (Enters) Hello my beautiful wife. I see that your wicked step-sister hasn't flown back east yet.

Hope- Charlie, how was your day?

Charlie- It was great! My enemy at the office, Richard, totaly totaled his truck on his way to work today.

Hope- Oh! That's horrible!

Charlie- I know! Thank God it wasn't mine! Speaking of mine, I'm gonna go take it for a spin.

Hope and Faith- No!

Hope- (Straightening out her skirt) I mean...why don't you take a little detour first.

Charlie- Oh. I like the way you think Hope Shanowsky. (He grabs Hope and kisses her on the lips. Faith makes a classic Faith face as Justin walks in.)

Justin- Ahem. (Hope and Charlie turn around and start making excuses. Justin puts up his hand.) Don't worry. Aunt Faith let me watch "Titanic". All of Titanic. (Stretching all. Hope gives Faith a disaproving look.) Besides, I wouldn't be smooching my wife if she wrecked my truck. (Charlie looks mortified. Justin walks over to Faith.) Now where's my 50 bucks?

Opening Credits

*All characters belong to whoever owns Hope and Faith. I am not attempting to own them at all. I am just writing a fan fiction.

Okay, here it is! Segment 2 of Hope and Faith Season Four! I know it is short, but with the other 2 segments the whole episode will feel longer as a whole. No offense to Arabians intended, also! I respect them very much. So enjoy and please review a ton! I love to hear what people think about my work! Here we go:

Hope and faith- You've Got to Have faith act 1

(Faith is sitting in a chair outside the door of a body shop. She's reading a magazine when a man comes along and sits down next to her.)

Richard- Hey, I'm Richard.

Faith- Hey, (She flips her hair) I'm single. (Giddy, she puts down the magazine and becomes interested in him.)

Richard- I work at the dentist office uptown. I totaled my truck on the way to work this morning. Either I had too much whiskey, or they put that pole there overnight.

Faith- Hey, do you know Charlie Shnowsky?

Richard- Yah, he's my boss! He's such a drag.

Faith- Tell me about it. I live with him.

Charlie- (Him and Hope walk out of the door. Charlie is furious.) Richard. Here to get your head fixed, or are you still on hold?

Faith- Charlie! Just because your truck is totaled you don't have to take it out on him!

Richard- (Laughing hysterically) Ha ha ha. (He pats Charlie on the shoulder as he enters the office.)

Faith- (Chipper) He seems like such a nice man!

(Cut to Haley and Sydney in their room back at home. haley is on the phone and Sydeny is sprawled out on the bed. Haley hangs up.)

Sydeny- Who was that?

Haley- A friend.

Sydeny- What kind?

Haley- A cute one.

Sydeny- Ooh. What's his name?

Haley- His name is Arab. He just moved here from Egypt. I'm helping him learn English.

Sydeny- Are you sure that's all you're teaching him?

Haley- (Rolls eyes) Positive. he's coming over to study. Is that okay?

Sydeny- (Has gone completely off topic and is painting her nails) Do you think this is my colour?

(Haley rolls her eyes and leaves just as Hope, Faith, and Charlie, come through the back door.)

Charlie- What were you thinking Hope? Letting her drive my brand new truck. I speciffically told you not to. I laminated and colorcoated a sign and stuck it to the garage door!

Hope- I didn't let her! She snuck in. I couldn't just stay here because...well!

Faith- Okay, okay. Why don't we settle this fairly. Charlie gets no truck, I live here rent free for another six years! Deal? Okay. (She turns to leave but Hope stops her.)

Hope- Faith, you know what I have to do.

Faith- (She gives Hope puppy dog eyes) Please...

Hope- (Looks over at Charlie. He throws his hands up in the air)

Charlie- You do this every time! When are you ever going to pick me over Faith?

Faith- You'd do the same if it was your sister!

Charlie- My sister is dead!

(All three adults start yelling as soon as Arab and Haley enter the kitchen. When they see the two, they stop.)

Haley- (To Arab) Welcome to America.

Hope- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had friends coming over Haley?

Haley- His name is Arab. He just re-located from Egypt.

Arab- (He bows down and kisses Hope's hand.) You must be Miss.Hope. A pleasure to meet you.

Faith- Ooh, no wonder Arabians are so good in bed. (Charlie shoots her a look.) What! I have experience!

Hope- Listen, can you two go play in the living room? We're having adult time right now.

Haley- (Arab is surprised by Hope's statement.) Don't worry. Around here, adult time means nothing but arguing about injudicious matters, and ludicrous thoughts. (Arab nods and they go OS into the living room.)

Charlie- Wow. I've known the english language for 40 years and he's only known it for 12 and already knows more words than I'll ever know!

Hope- Faith, Charlie's right. It's time.

Faith- Fine. (She walks toward the backdoor and opens it.) But I'll be back! (She walks out and slams it shut.)

Charlie- (Sighs) It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. (Faith walks back in.) And it's back.

Faith- Okay, where are they?

Hope- (Puzzled.) Where are who?

Faith- Oh, don't screw around! You were great! And,(She walks over to Charlie) you were phenomenol! Where did they find someone that looked exactly like Charlie!

Charlie- Faith, this is no joke.

Faith- Oh, they always say that. I have seen every episode of Punk'd.

(The grim expressions on Hope and Charlie's faces make Faith realize the truth.)

Faith- Oh. Okay. I'll be back later in the week to pick up my stuff. (She walks out the back door once again.)

Charlie- Justin, the mens room is back! (Justin rushes downstairs and Charlie and him both are exiting through the back door when Hope speaks up.)

Hope- Doesn't it hurt you Charlie? (He looks puzzled.) Doesn't it hurt you that I just had to kick my sister out? Somethig just doesn't feel right. (She walks OS and Justin and Charlie are silent for a moment.)

Charlie and Justin- X-box, football, beer! (They run out the backdoor.)

(Cut to Haley and Arab in the living room, "studying".)

Arab- Aardvark. (Note that he says it absouletly perfectly)

Haley- Wrong. Say it again. (She obviously just likes hearing the sound of his voice.)

Arab- Um...Haley. We've been on that word for one hour. Don't you think it's time to move on?

Haley- (Snaps back into life.) Oh. Yeah. Okay. The next word is aardwolf.

Arab- Why don't we just skip ahead to pretty? (Haley smiles, yet is takenaback) The girls in America, are much more pretty then any of the girls in Egypt. (They move in for a kiss, but Charlie comes bursting into the scene. They pull away.)

Charlie- Hope, you better get down here before we have a teenage mother on our hands. (He exits when Sydeny comes down the stairs.)

Sydeny- Who's talking about teenage...(She is cut short when she sees Arab. Arab gets up and kisses her hand.)

Arab- You must be Miss Sydeny. A pleasure.

Sydeny- Ooh! Aunt Faith was right!

Arab- Do you always wear this much...clothes? (She is wearing a belly shirt, and a mini skirt.)

Haley- (Rolls her eyes) This is considered covering up to her.

Arab- Maybe me and you could hook up later? (Haley flares up as the audience ``oohs`` and ``aahs``.)

Haley- (She walks over to Arab and practically pulls him towards the door.) Okay, study time is over. (She opens the door.)

Arab- Next Friday, Miss Sydeny!

Sydeny- Alright! (Haley throws Arab out the door and slams it behind her.)

Haley- I can't believe you!

Sydeny- What! I couldn't let his first impression of american women be totally terrible! (Haley storms out and Sydeny goes back up the stairs.)

Okay, this here is the 3rd segment of Hope and Faith Season Four. I have decided that there will be 26 episodes this season. Then season 5 will premiere on the show's 100th episode!!! so enjoy, and I am not posting another segment until I have gotten at least 2 reviews. Thanx!

Hope and Faith- You've got to Have Faith

(Open on Charlie and Hope in the kitchen. Hope is on the phone and hangs up.)

Hope- You will never believe where Faith is going.

Charlie- Back to the circus, where she belongs?

Hope- No. She's going to Mexico.

Charlie- The farther the better.

Hope- She says that after we kicked her out she felt so emotional, so she went to see a therapist. He told her to take a vacation. And know she's going to Mexico. Oh, I'm just so worried about her. I don't think she can make it on her own.

Charlie- (Reaching out and grabbing Hope's hand.) Oh come on. You've got to have Faith.

Hope- That's just it Charlie. I have got to have Faith in my life. (She goes around and hugs Charlie.)

Charlie-Honey, it was for the better of us all. She'll finally grow wings and learn how to stand on her own two feet.

Hope- I guess you're right. And now we can use that pool table in the men's room for something other than pool. (They giggle and break into a kiss when they hear Haley and Sydeny yelling at each other, coming down the stairs.)

Charlie- And this is what the mens room is for. (Charlie exits as Sydeny and Haley come into the kitchen still yelling at the top of their lungs)

Hope- Gee whiz you two, your arguing is enough to drive a person out of the house. ((A:N: Faith is gone, but they just don't know it yet!))

Sydeny- (Sighs) Aunt Faith will know what to do. Do you know where she is Mom?

Hope- Listen girls, Aunt Faith had to take a little vacation, but-

Haley and Sydeny- You kicked her out.

Hope- No. She's going to Mexico for a couple of weeks to rejuvanate. She'll be back in no time.

Sydeny- Too bad. Aunt Faith has tons of experience with this kind of stuff. Once she slept with my boyfriend and-(Hope gives her a dissaproving look.) I'm gonna go do my homework.

(Cut to Sydeny's room. Sydeny enters and hears Faith's voice OS)

Faith- (OS) Sydeny!

Sydeny- (Confused) Aunt Faith?

Faith- (OS) The window! Come pull me up! (Sydeny goes over to the window and pulls Aunt faith up andinto her room.)

Sydeny- What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Mexico.

Faith- My flight was cancelled. Something about cars that can turn into giant robots. ((A:N Sydeny was actually in the movie Transformers!))

Sydeny- So why didn't you come through the front door?

Faith- Because your mother kicked me out. She'll kill me if she finds out that I'm back. I was wondering if I could bunk with you for awhile.

Sydeny- Sure! You can have the floor.

Hope- (OS) Sydeny, who's up there with you?

Sydeny- (Panicking) Um...no one.

Faith- (Whispering) Mandy, mandy.

Sydeny- Mandy!

Hope- (OS) That`s strange. I didn`t hear her come in.

Sydeny- Oh, well, um...

Faith- She`s a vampire and can`t be exposed to sunlight!

Sydeny- (To Faith) No! (To Hope) She`s um...allergic to the sun.

Hope- (OS) Sydeny, I`m coming up there.

Sydeny- (Panicking.) Quick, throw this on. (She throws Aunt Faith a purple scarf, black leather jacket, and a pair of huge sunglasses. Faith puts them on just as Hope comes in.)

Hope- Mandy. You look different than usual.

Sydeny- No,no, no. This isn`t that Mandy. This is the new Mandy.

Hope- Oh. And what`s her last name?

Sydeny- Um...Moore. Mandy Moore. (After she says it she realizes how stupid it sounds.)

Hope- I see. So what made you move to Glenn Falls?

Sydeny- Oh, she heard there was some great...acting opprutunities here. She's an actress. (Faith elbows her as she is an actress.)

Hope- (To Mandy) is this true Mandy?

Sydeny- Yes! Yes it is.

Hope- I do not believe your name is Mandy, Sydeny.

Sydeny- I know, but Mandy is really shy. She doesn't like to talk iknfront of strangers.

Hope- So she's an actress who is afraid to talk infront of strangers?

Sydeny- Uh...she's the kind of actress that doesn't act. (She gives Hope a duh look.)

Hope- Alright, alright. (She reluctantly makes her way to the door, exiting slowly shutting the door behind her.)

Faith- (Removing her get-up.) An actress that doesn't act? You couldn't come up with anything better then that?

Sydeny- I'm bad under pressure! Mom can be so nosy.

Faith- Tell me about it. She is always going through my pants pockets! It is so annoying! (Sydeny gives her an I know look. Both of them are completley oblivious to the fact that it is simply doing laundry.)

(Cut to downstairs where Haley is sitting in the living room. The doorbell rings and she gets up and answers it. It is Arab.)

Arab- Hey. I'm here for my lesson.

Haley- Okay. Why don't we start with the words promiscuous and player. Sydeny is promiscuous and you're a player. Go.

Arab- Haley listen. I've been thinking.

Haley- When? When you were in bed with my sister?

Arab- No. Nothing happened between us. And actually the only reason I asked her on a date was so I could show her to my friends. She's so stupid a stick could beat her in a game of tic tac toe.

Haley- (Smiles) Let's go study. (They go and sit on the couch when Sydeny comes down.)

Sydeny- Arab. I've been thinking about yourself. (She curls her hair. Haley and Arab smile at each other and go back to studying when Hope comes in.)

Hope- Sydeny, can we talk to you in the kitchen for a moment?

Sydeny- Sure. (Sydeny and Hope go into the kitchen where Charlie is seated at the table.)

Hope- Sydeny, your birthday is coming up.

Sydeny- But it's only December.

Charlie- Sydeny, it's January.

Sydeny- So there are 30 days in a month!

Charlie- Sydeny, if you can show us that you are mature and responsible enough, for your birthday we will buy you a car.

Sydeny- (Screams) Aah! Really! Thank you Mom and Dad! (She hugs them both and then they all look at Haley and Arab. They are kissing, passionatley in the living room.)

Hope- Aah. My youngest daughters first kiss. They're growing up Charlie.

Charlie- Yep. Sydeny's getting a car, Haley's making out, and Justin's growing hair in places I never thought he'd grow hair.

Sydeny- Yep, this is the good life. (They hear a loud crash from upstairs.)

Hope- That sounded like it came from Sydeny's room! (Everyone rushes upstairs into Sydeny's room where they see Faith standing beside a broken mirror.)

Faith- This mirror really didn't match the rug anyway!

I just thought I'd post this to end the episode. No second episode until I get reviews.

Hope and Faith- You've Got to Have Faith

(Open on Hope and Faith talking in Hope's bed.)

Hope- Oh, Charlie is so mad. You've really pushed his buttons this time. He`s never gotten so mad he`s had to go to a hotel before.

Faith- I know. I feel so bad.

Hope- You should. You crashed Charlie`s truck and broke the girls mirror.

Faith- I don`t feel bad for him, I feel bad for myself. He gets the nice bed and I have to sleep on this piece of crap!

Hope- Faith! Ahh...this was the first bed that we ever had...

Faith- Aah! Zip your lips cowboy! I don`t need to here another Hope and Charlie valentine`s day special.

Hope- Good night Faith. (She turns around.)

Faith- (Quietly) Hope. I wet the bed.(Hope puts her pillow around her head and holds it there tightly.)

Hey, its Mags! Sorry I haven't reviewed your episode yet, it's just that I really don't watch Hope and Faith. However, you are very funny in your writes and should definately continue. I have seen the show once or twice and you're not deviating from the main stuff. So, great job! I'll try to check it out whenever I can.

Okay, here is the teaser for the second episode of Hope and Faith season four. The episode is going to be really funny, just wait and see! Just to clarify a few things, the season will have 26 episodes, and there will be a season 5 if everyone is still reading! So read and feedback, feedback, feedback! I work so hard on this and hate when no one says anything back! So on with the show with:

Hope and Faith- No Man is an Animal

(Open on Sydeny and Haley sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.)

Sydeny- Oh chute, I spilt some orange juice. Can you pass me a towel?

Haley- Why don't you just use your clothes?

(Haley gets up and grabs a towel when Hope comes in.)

Hope- Hurry up girls, your gonna be late for school. Where's Justin?

Haley- He locked himself in the bathroom this morning. He won't come out.

Sydeny- (She feels her hair, which looks great) Tell me about it, I didn't even get to do my hair.

Haley- With those clothes on, no one's gonna be looking at your hair.

Hope- Haley. Now when your father comes home he's going to be a little...

Sydeny- Mad.

Haley- Angry.

Sydeny- Upset.

Haley- Choleric.

Hope- All of those and whatever Haley said. And the person he is not going to want to see here is...(Faith enters the scene, dressed to impress and nabs a seat at the kitchen table.)

Faith- Good morning!

Hope-...Faith.

Faith- So Hope, what's for breakfast?

Hope- You don't live here any more. You don't get breakfast. (As she says this she is dishing out Faith some eggs, toast, and hasbrowns.)

Faith- Why thank you. So, after breakfast I'll just move my stuff back into the garage?

Hope- Faith, no. Charlie is going to be home soon and I do not want him to see you here.

Faith- Why? You afraid of a little competition?

Hope- No. (But as she looks at Faith she pulls down her shirt to reveal more cleavage.) I'm afraid of his reaction when he finds out you spent the night. (Thinks) And peed in his favorite pajama pants.

Faith- But Hope- where am I supposed to go?

Sydeny- You could bunk with my friend Slinky. (Mouths) He's really good in bed.

Hope- (Sighs) Go to school girls. (The girls leave out the back door.) Justin! Time for school. (Justin comes down the stairs with his hair done, wearing a tuxedo and smelling like he stepped out of a candle shop.)

Faith- Justin. Don't tell me your competing for Haley's boyfriend too.

Hope- Why you playing Mr.Dressup?

Justin- No reason, little missy. (He exits out the back door re-arranging his tie.)

Hope and Faith- (Look at each other) There's a girl. (They hear a car pull up in the driveway.) Quick, that's him. Hide! (Faith runs into the living room as Charlie comes in.)

Charlie- (Furious) Hope...

Hope- Charlie...

Charlie- Where is she?

Hope- She left last night. Charlie she feels really bad.

Charlie- No Hope. It's time to make a choice. Your husband or your sister?

Hope- Charlie...(He storms up the stairs and Faith reluctantly comes back into the kitchen. Hope is crying and Faith goes and puts her arm around her.)

Faith- There, there. If it helps, I don't feel bad. I feel great! (Hope looks up at her and shakes her head as Faith continues to smile that classic Faith smile.)

Opening Credits

Feedback!!!

Okay, here is the "short" second segment of no man is an animal. Please tell me if you think that it is funny and good all at the same time. I'm going for three continuous reviews before I post any more. So please- review, review, review,! Now read:

Hope and Faith- No Man is an Animal

(Open on the scene from the teaser, later in the day. Faith is at the table reading the paper and Hope is wandering around aimlessly.)

Faith- Oh, here`s one! Seceratry for your local dentist, Charlie Shnowsky. Ha ha. Snnowsky`s a funny name. (Completely oblivious to the fact that it is Hope`s last name.)

Hope- Faith. What else is there?

Faith- Well let's see, there's a spot open at the local strip club. (Hope shoots her a look.) Joking, joking. (Pause) It would make good money though. Hey! Look at this- there's going to be a job fair at the mall. What better place to find a job than a job fair! I'll take the truck. See you later. ((A//N: The truck is fixed)) (Faith exits out the back door.)

Hope- The truck...the truck...THE TRUCK!!! (She runs out the back door after Faith.)

(Cut to Sydeny in her room, vacuuming. Charlie walks in.)

Charlie- Wow. Did someone come and replace my daughter over night?

Sydeny- No Dad, it's me. vacuuming.

Charlie- (Rubs his eyes) Aliens must have came and abducted you and this is your replacement.

Sydeny- (Sighs and turns off the vacuum.) No. It's just that you said you wanted me to start being more responsible, so here I am.

Charlie- Sydeny that's great! I'm really proud of you. (He goes to leave) Oh and when you're finnished here would you mind whipping up the dishes?

Sydeny- Sure.

Charlie- (Goes to leave and stops again) Oh and after that could you vacuum the living room?

Sydeny- (Getting edgy) Right on it.

Charlie- Oh and one more thing. (He goes and gets a pile of dirty underwear and throws them at Sydeny who catches disgustedly.) Wash my undies.

Sydeny- Okay. (He leaves) Ew. Is that a skidmark?

(Cut to the mall where Hope and Faith are looking at a bunch of different job displays.)

Hope- Oh, here's one. Linda's cleaning service. Monday to Friday, $8 an hour. How about that?

Faith- Ahh...cleaning...(Flashback begins. Faith is in the kitchen bleaching some plates. Hope walks in.)

Hope- Faith! It's great to see you cleaning!

Faith- I know. I bleached your grandmothers antique plates! That ugly pink stuff that was around the rim is gone!

Hope- (Her expression shows it all) Faith! That was the pattern! (Flashback ends. Back to the mall scene. Hope puts the pamphlet down.) Yeah, no.

Faith- Oh! How about a dentist? I'd show Charlie who's better at sticking their hands in people's mouths.

Hope- Faith, we've looked at 10 different jobs and none of them seem to fit you. I guess we'll just have to try again tomorrow. I'm going to go pick up a few things. Wanna come?

Faith- I'm not giving up that easily, Hope. I'm going to look until I find a job. (Hope shrugs and walks away into the mall. Faith sighs.) If only I could just get a home for free. (She looks over and sees a sign advertising for a free home.) My prayers have been answered!

(Cut to Sydeny in the kitchen back home doing dishes. She touches each one like it is garbage being careful not to touch each one for too long.)

Sydeny- Ew. (Puts a dish into the dishwasher.) Gross. (Repeats) Ick. (Charlie walks in and piles on a fresh load for her to do. She sighs.) Dad look...

Charlie- OK, the underwear had some skidmarks on them, I admit. But who am I to blame? I can't just go at work! The office is so small you could smell it for miles!

Sydeny- No, Dad. It's just that...I didn't exactly sign up to do all of these jobs.

Charlie- (Pause) Oh. Go on.

Sydeny- And- and- and I would really appreciate it if maybe you would lay off of it a little bit.

Charlie- Sure. That just means no car. (He goes to walk away but Sydeny stops him.)

Sydeny- Wait, wait, wait. Can' we make a deal?

Charlie- No chores, no car.

Sydeny- Fine. I'll do it. (Returns to the dishes.) But I don't have to be happy about it.

Charlie- (Pats her on the shoulder) That`s a girl. Now get to those underwear.

(Cut to Haley reading a magazine in her room when Sydeny comes in.)

Sydeny- (Collapses on the bed.) I am so exhausted.

Haley- What? Being licentious proved to much for you today?

Sydeny- What does that even mean?

Haley- It means you're my favorite sister in the world. ((A:N//It really means that she is promiscuous.))

Sydeny- (Smiles) Yeah. Dad's put me on this huge chore list that if I don't do, I won't get a car.

Haley- You? Chores? (She runs over to the window and looks around outside.)

Sydeny- What are you looking for?

Haley- Flying pigs.

Sydeny- Pigs fly?

Haley- (Rolls her eyes) Well when you do chores they do! Gee, I thought I was the good one around here.

Sydeny- What? You afraid of a little competition?

Haley- (On her way out the door.) No. (To Charlie) Dad, do you need your underwear washed again?

(Cut to Faith signing a document at the free home display we heard about before.)

Faith- And there you are. (She puts a pen down on the display.) When can I come?

Woman- (Standing behind the display) Whenever you are ready.

Faith- Great! I'll pack my bags and head on over! (Faith skips off screen.)

Woman- (To another woman in the mall.) I could tell she was an animal from the first time I saw her. (We see a sign a little infront of the display that reads "Catherine's Animal Daycare- Free Home" and then in smaller print "For your animal."

I'm starting to believe I'm writing for no one... Please review!!!

Here it is! Segment three and four! Sorry about the wait.

Hope and Faith- No Man is an Animal

(Open on Faith walking into a shack like building. All around are people dropping off their pets. She walks up to the front desk where the woman from the mall sits behind.)

Faith- Faith Fairfield. I met you at the mall today.

Betty- And it's a meeting I don't want to remember. My names Betty, have a seat. (Faith sits down in a chair near the desk.) Now tell me everything I need to know.

Faith- Well I'm 20 years old, (whispering) I'm actually 35 but let's keep that between us. (Normal tone) and I currently live with my sister and her husband. (Betty puts up her hand to stop Faith.)

Betty- No, no, no. I meant tell me about your pets.

Faith- Why I don't have any.

Betty- Then why were you applying to put your pet in a home?

Faith- (Laughing) Ha ha. You must have got it mixed up. I'm the one staying in the home! (Betty looks taken aback.) I saw the sign in the mall and I thought- Free Home, that's the greatest invention on earth! When can I start?

Betty- (Motioning to another woman.) Moraine, come over here. (She comes over to Betty.) This girl wants to live down here.

Moraine- (Bursts out laughing.) She wants to live down here. (Hits Betty playfully.) Good one. (Betty gives her a serious look.) Oh my God, you're serious. (They look back at Faith who is now playing with the kittens.)

Betty- What do we do?

Moraine- I don't know, she seems to fit in okay. (Faith comes back over to them.)

Faith- So?

Betty- You can stay.

Faith- Great! So what's on the menu for dinner tonight. I'm starving.

Betty- Friskas. ((A:N Thats a type of cat food.))

(Cut to the kitchen at the Shanowskys. Haley and Sydeny are both furiously cleaning. Hope walks in.)

Hope- My, my. What has gotten into you girls?

Sydeny- (Paying no attention to Hope's question.) Your underwear is washed mom.

Haley- So is your lingerie.

Hope- Wait what are you guys talking about?

Sydeny- Dad said that if I don't clean I won't get my car. (Haley comes to her side.)

Haley- And I'm just cleaning naturally because...I'm the good one! Just at that moment Charlie walks in in a bath robe holding a beer.)

Charlie- Hey Hope. Isn't this just spectacular? Faith's gone, the kids are cleaning. I don't have to put down a foot around here.

Hope- Charlie, it's five o clock in the afternoon on a tuesday. Take off that robe! (The phone rings and Hope answers it.) Hello? (The scene cuts between Faith and Hope.)

Faith- Hey!

Hope- (Hearing barking and meowing in the background.) Where are you?

Faith- Where are you? (She lifts her hand up off the floor and finds out that she put it in cat poop.)

Hope- Faith!

Faith- Alright, alright. I'll tell you.

Hope- Okay.

Faith- If you give me a tip!

Hope- (Getting angered) Faith, now!

Faith- Gee whiz, I was just joking. And you'll be happy to know you don't have to give me a tip. I found a home.

Hope- Faith, you're not sleeping in the mall again are you?

Faith- No, no, no. I'm sleeping in an animal shelter!

Hope- A what!?

Faith- An animal shelter. It is so great down here Hope, you should try it some time. The food is great, the people are great. And the best part is- it's free!

Hope- Faith I'm coming to get you. What's the adress?

Faith- No! I'm perfectly fine down here in the shelter. Plus the animals like me. They even shared their food dishes with me!

Hope- Faith- (But the dial tone has appeared and Faith has hung up. Hope sighs and the scene cuts to upstairs. Sydeny is vacuuming Charlie and Hope's room when Charlie comes in.)

Charlie- Turn off the vacuum. (He sits down on the bed and she turns it off. She sits down next to him.) Sydeny, what I've been doing was wrong.

Sydeny- Yeah, tell me about it.

Charlie- I didn't realize what I was doing would hurt you so much.

Sydeny- Well, it's alright.

Charlie- I'm glad and to make up for it- (He pulls out a biig box that reads TurboVac 08. Sydeny's face flops.) What do you think?

Sydeny- Dad look. A little bit of chores once in a while is no big deal. But latley you've just made me your slave. So forget the car. I'm through. (She goes to stand up but Charlie pulls her back down.)

Charlie- Listen, I'm sorry. You've shown a lot more responsiity then me these past few days. I've been a bad father. Don't worry, you'll still get our car.

Sydeny- Thanks. (They hug.)

Charlie- Hey, you missed a spot. (Points to where she was vacuuming and the scene cuts to Hope in the kitchen looking stressed out. Haley walks in.)

Haley- Hey Mom.

Hope- Hey honey. (Haley sits down next to her.)

Haley- I need to talk to you about something important.

Hope- Sure honey, I'm all ears.

Haley- I got my belly button pierced.

Hope- (Jumps up) What!

Haley- (Killing herself laughing.) I just wanted to see how you'd react. (Hope sits back down.) Really though. Arab asked me on a date!

Hope- Oh honey, that`s great! (They hug.)

Haley- But there`s just one problem. I don`t want to be known as Sydeny.

Hope- What do you mean?

Haley- Oh come on. Sydeny collects boys like their beanie babies. I just want to have a normal relationship.

Hope- Oh Haley. You don't have to worry about that. You and Sydney are both two very different people. I know you'll do the right thing.

Haley- You do? (Hope nods.) Thanks. (The phone rings and Hope answers it.) I'll be right over. (She hangs up.) Aunt Faith just got beat up by a pit bull.

(Cut to the animal shelter. Faith is sitting at the same chair as before, with bandaids all over herself. Hope walks in and sits down next to her.)

Faith- I fell into the wrong crowd. Looks like retrievers would have been the way to go.

Hope- Faith, no. You know that none of this was right in the first place. You're a human. You belong with people of your species.

Faith- Yeah, but...no one of my species likes me.

Hope- Faith, of course no one of your species likes you. (Puts her hand on Faith's shoulder.) They love you.

Faith- Yeah, but only the freaks that used to watch me on the Sacred and the Sinful.

Hope- No Faith, we love you. No matter what you do we always will.

Faith- So does this mean I can move back in with you?

Hope- Of course. But you're going to have to take some responsibility. Get a job so you can get your own place.

Faith- Thank you Hope. (They hug.)

Hope- Ew what smells like cat poop?

Faith- I think I'll take a shower when I get to your place. (They get up and leave the shelter.)

Hope and Faith- No Man is an Animal

(Open on Sydeny's brithday party. Everyone including Faith is sitting around the table, as Hope brings out the cake.)

Hope- Happy birthday Sydeny!

Sydeny- Cake! Yeah! (Hope dishes out a plate for everyone and sits down.)

Hope- So, let's all give Sydeny our presents. Justin, you can start.

Justin- Here Sydeny. (Passes her a lock.) This is so you can have privacy in your room.

Sydeny- Thanx Justin! This would have been useful when me and- (Hope and Charlie look at her and she just smiles.)

Charlie- You next Haley.

Haley- My gift is very practical and I hope that you will use it. (She hands Sydeny a box of birth control.) The way you`re gobbling down that cake you`ll need it.

Hope- (Sighs) Faith, do you have something to give to Sydeny?

Faith- (Peels a bandaid off of her face.) Here. This is my lucky bandaid. It tingles when enemies are near by.

Charlie- And now for the next present. (He throws her a ring of keys.)

Sydeny- A car! Thanks mom and dad!

Faith- What are you saying thanks to them for! That bandaid is worth a fortune on the black market!

(We hear some barking outside. Then Faith gets up.)

Faith- Lock the doors, close the windows! The pit bulls are here!