House

Kutner: Wait, how do you want us to split up? House: Good question, Overly Excited Former Foster Kid. There's ten of you. I was thinking six against six... no wait...

House: You ladies have the honor to give the patient a feeding tube, discharge him, and show up for work tomorrow. The rest of you, you're a disappointment. You make me want to stop dangling.

Cole: What are we supposed to be doing? It's almost 4. Kutner: You've got somewhere to be? Twin: We know he likes to manipulate people. He's probably testing us. Amber: To find out what? How long we can look stupid for? He said he'd be here by 3. He's obviously not coming. I'm going home. Cole: Nobody follow her. She pied pipered nine people right out of the job last week.

Cole: Why are you late? House: To see who'd put up with it. Cole: So if we left, we would have been fired? House: I was gonna fire whoever stuck around. But since everyone stuck around...

Henry: We're not okay. Amber: I get it. You don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit competitive. Taub: Manipulative. Kutner: "Cutthroat Bitch" is your official title. Amber: It's a game. You can either play for fun or play to win. If you want to win, you want cutthroat. Cole: No, thank you.

Dr. Wilson: You're an idiot. You nearly killed yourself. House: That was the whole idea. Dr. Wilson: You wanted to kill yourself? House: I wanted to nearly kill myself.

House: (yelling at Chase) I can have you fired! Dr. Chase: You already had me fired. House: Just proves that I can. Dr. Chase: Were the men wrong? House: No. That doesn't change the fact that... Dr. Chase: (interrupts)Why are you yelling at me? House: Because performing tests for someone who's not a doctor in this hospital... Dr. Chase: (interrupts again) You're frustrated. If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent, leave a message. (walks away) Dr. Cameron: I like him better like this. You?

House: Why does his throat think his lungs are his stomach?

House: Can't let you leave. I think you're still suicidal. Almore: I wasn't trying to off myself. House: No, that's right. You were just trying to kill the wall.

Dr. Wilson: Just watching you is painful. I'm upping your pain meds. House: I love you.

House: Without competition we'd still be single-cell organisms.

House: Hey Wilson! I'm gonna cut some cripple's eye out. Wanna come watch? Dr. Wilson: Good times.

House: If you're gonna try to take yourself out, why use electricity? You could eat a bullet, or jump off a building... Dr. Wilson: I love the team thing, by the way. House: ...or bury yourself alive in Cuddy's cleavage.

House: (handing over his cane) Would you mind holding my metaphor for a second?

Henry: It was the best two weeks of my life. House: I think I'll miss you most of all, ridiculously old fraud.

House: I'm going to fire the next person who asks me who I'm gonna fire.

Dr. Cuddy: You can't beat me at a foot race. House: I thought we were dancing.