-
House: You like exotic. Why are you here?
Brennan: I want this job.
House: Parents sick?
Brennan: No, I... I just...
House: This is not the job you want. This is the job in the zip code you want. You engaged?
Brennan: Yes.
House: Tadaa!
-
Kutner: Wait, how do you want us to split up?
House: Good question, Overly Excited Former Foster Kid. There's ten of you. I was thinking six against six... no wait...
-
House: You ladies have the honor to give the patient a feeding tube, discharge him, and show up for work tomorrow. The rest of you, you're a disappointment. You make me want to stop dangling.
-
Cole: What are we supposed to be doing? It's almost 4.
Kutner: You've got somewhere to be?
Twin: We know he likes to manipulate people. He's probably testing us.
Amber: To find out what? How long we can look stupid for? He said he'd be here by 3. He's obviously not coming. I'm going home.
Cole: Nobody follow her. She pied pipered nine people right out of the job last week.
-
Cole: Why are you late?
House: To see who'd put up with it.
Cole: So if we left, we would have been fired?
House: I was gonna fire whoever stuck around. But since everyone stuck around...
-
Henry: We're not okay.
Amber: I get it. You don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit competitive.
Taub: Manipulative.
Kutner: "Cutthroat Bitch" is your official title.
Amber: It's a game. You can either play for fun or play to win. If you want to win, you want cutthroat.
Cole: No, thank you.
-
Dr. Wilson: You're an idiot. You nearly killed yourself.
House: That was the whole idea.
Dr. Wilson: You wanted to kill yourself?
House: I wanted to nearly kill myself.
-
House: (yelling at Chase) I can have you fired!
Dr. Chase: You already had me fired.
House: Just proves that I can.
Dr. Chase: Were the men wrong?
House: No. That doesn't change the fact that...
Dr. Chase: (interrupts)Why are you yelling at me?
House: Because performing tests for someone who's not a doctor in this hospital...
Dr. Chase: (interrupts again) You're frustrated. If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent, leave a message. (walks away)
Dr. Cameron: I like him better like this. You?
-
House: Why does his throat think his lungs are his stomach?
-
House: Can't let you leave. I think you're still suicidal.
Almore: I wasn't trying to off myself.
House: No, that's right. You were just trying to kill the wall.
-
Dr. Wilson: Just watching you is painful. I'm upping your pain meds.
House: I love you.
-
House: Without competition we'd still be single-cell organisms.
-
House: Hey Wilson! I'm gonna cut some cripple's eye out. Wanna come watch?
Dr. Wilson: Good times.
-
House: If you're gonna try to take yourself out, why use electricity? You could eat a bullet, or jump off a building...
Dr. Wilson: I love the team thing, by the way.
House: ...or bury yourself alive in Cuddy's cleavage.
-
House: (handing over his cane) Would you mind holding my metaphor for a second?
-
Henry: It was the best two weeks of my life.
House: I think I'll miss you most of all, ridiculously old fraud.
-
House: I'm going to fire the next person who asks me who I'm gonna fire.
-
Dr. Cuddy: You can't beat me at a foot race.
House: I thought we were dancing.
-
Dr. Cuddy: How advanced is the pneumonia?
House: It's taking college courses.