House

House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless. Wilson and House are alluding to Dante Alighieri's poem The Divine Comedy, in which the main character travels through nine circles of hell.

House recommending cigarettes The clinic patient, Marvin, dressed as Santa Claus, who is prescribed cigarettes by House for his inflammatory bowel. The whole thing is very reminiscent of an old Fry & Laurie first series sketch called "Doctor Tobacco." Laurie goes to see the "doctor" (Stephen Fry) for an examination. He complains of having trouble breathing at night and tightness in his chest. Fry tells him to smoke a cigarette twenty times a day, "ideally moving on to thirty or forty." Laurie complains that they cause lung cancer and emphysema. Fry dismisses the idea. They argue back and forth until Laurie insists that he'd like a second opinion. Fry offers that they're also cheap, nutritious and stylish. And if he's interested in a third opinion, they're also soothing, harmless and sexy. Turns out, Fry wasn't a doctor after all but a tobacconist.

Title Alluding to the quote made by Eleanor Roosevelt, The full quotation is, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

House: How do you solve a problem like dermatitis? House plays off of the main chorus of "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" from The Sound of Music.