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Dr. Foreman: No worries. I'll let you keep your parking space.
House: You can have it. You'll also need my handicap placard. Bend over.
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Dr. Foreman: I don't see a regrowth, did you get the medical records faxed over?
House: Work smart, not hard, that's my philosophy boss.
Dr. Foreman: I'll take that as a no.
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Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you're all about the nurture.
House: Do you need a hug?
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Dr. Foreman: You injected her against her will, just so you could be right?
House: She consented.
Dr. Foreman: She's mentally ill.
House: But she smells oh so sweet.
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Dr. Foreman: You ordered MRIs for the whole maternity wing?
House: I was in a crazy mood, good thing I got a new boss to back me up, although I think one of them was actually necessary.
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(House and Cameron break into Anica's house)
Dr. Cameron: There's even books in the bathroom.
House: Either she's very smart or she has a fiber deficiency.
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Dr. Cameron: Scan showed a mass in her pancreas.
Dr. Chase: Looks malignant, probably inoperable... I'd give her two months.
House: On the bright side, still means I was right.
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Dr. Chase: Why don't you just get the sample yourself? Since when do you care what your boss said?
House: I don't care what anybody says, I care what they do. Right now, Blackpoleon Blackaparte has got the nurses on red alert, I can't get into the patient's room. So come on, I'll draw the enemy fire, you outflank them, get in there, get the bone marrow sample.
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Dr. Wilson: (talking about House) And you want my advice on how to usurp him? It's very ancient Rome, you'll need a toga, of course, a sword…
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Dr. Wilson: House assisting. That is funny. Too bad Foreman's gonna die.
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House: Sorry, I missed that. Hearing's been off since the Ricky Martin concert. Some cholo kicked me in the head.
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House: What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.
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Dr. Foreman: She a regular at OTB. Somehow I don't see her holding down a nine-to-five and going to PTA meetings.
House: I was there and I have a nine-to-three job.
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Dr. Cameron: It's the irony of women in charge, they don't like other women in charge. What, you think it's something else?
Dr. Chase: You sabotaged yourself. You went on a date with House, you slept with me. Putting you in charge of this department is like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.
Dr. Cameron: Yeah, they're really worried that I'm going to create a hostile work environment.
Dr. Chase: Maybe that's the problem. Being in charge means having to say no to House. Would you hire you for that?
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Dr. Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?
House: Non-existent. Otherwise excellent.
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Dr. Cameron: She's got an appointment with her ophthalmologist on Tuesday and an appointment with her gynecologist on Thursday. Multiple appointments with multiple doctors...symptom of Munchausen's.
House: Or, just thinking outside the box here, she has a vagina and trouble reading.
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Dr. Foreman: Dr. Wilson, can I talk to you about something in confidence?
Dr. Wilson: Of course.
Dr. Foreman: It's about House.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, then no.
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House: Nice move, boss. Way to cover your ass.
Dr. Foreman: I just agreed with you.
House: Not because you think I'm right. You're just taking the safe route. You're a wuss. Don't worry--your secret's safe with me. (steps into hallway, shouts so everyone can hear) Hey, Wilson! Guess what Foreman just did!
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Dr. Foreman: What do you expect me to do, House? Quit? Cry?
House: Actually, I expect you to act like what you are--my employee, my subordinate, my bitch.
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House: Do you like Teeny Tiny Moe in the fifth?
Anica: I went four for six yesterday. You want winners, cure me first.
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House: Are you trying to cop a feel?
Do-Gooder: I took a CPR class.
House: That would be useful if she were having a heart attack instead of a seizure.
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Anica: You might as well burn your money.
House: I'll burn my winnings – bigger flame.
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Dr. Chase: Gambling doesn't take away (House's) pain.
House: It does when I win.
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House: Chase killed that woman and Foreman's in charge?
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, we have a pecking order here. If Cameron kills someone, Chase takes over. We have a flowchart in the lobby.
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House: You probably shouldn't have sex for a while.
Hailey: For how long?
House: On an evolutionary basis, I'd recommend…forever.
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House: At the end of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf," the wolf really does come. And he eats the sheep, and the boy, and the parents.
Dr. Chase: The wolf doesn't eat the parents.
House: It does when I tell it.
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Technician: You're gonna need more blood.
House: Patient's empty.
Technician: Then I can't do it.
House: You can try.
Technician: I can try to look like Salma Hayek – it's not gonna make it happen.
House: You may not have Salma's ass, but she doesn't have your eyes.
Technician: Yeah, right. (after looking at a smiling House) How soon you need it?
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Dr. Chase: I also realize that no matter what you do, you're still going to treat me like crap.
House: 'Crap' is a relative term.