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House: Chase, stick your fingers in there (a patients brain's) and grope around until you find it. Wait, when you turn him into a vegetable there'll be frivolous lawsuits, you know what would be better? A contrast MRI, do we have one of those?
Dr. Chase: You can't do an MRI, if the bullet fragments are magnetic, they'll move around and rip his brains out.
House: Well, let's flip a coin, head: MRI, tails: he dies.
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Dr. Foreman: Police-issue Kevlar vests don't have the ceramic plate insert that would shatter a bullet, they would just catch it. So the bullet shattered on its own, meaning Baby Shoes was using .38 calibre hollow points which, unfortunately, are ferromagnetic.
(everyone stares at Foreman)
House: It's just so cool that you know that.
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Police Officer Joe: (laughing) You have the right to remain...stupid!
Baby Shoes: Watch the gun.
Police Officer Joe: Anything you have to say will be completely incomprehensible... (still laughing hysterically)
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Dr. Foreman: (about his father) He's not proud of me, he's proud of Jesus. Everything I do right is God's work, everything I do wrong is my own damn fault.
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(House is checking morgue toe-tags)
Dr. Chase: What are you looking for?
House: I called my mom, she didn't pick up.
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Dr. Cameron: The chance of infection is next to nothing
House: Yeah, I was never that great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?
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Dr. Foreman: Drugs?
Dr. Chase: He's a cop.
Dr. Foreman: Good point. How about...drugs?
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House: He did, however get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning...
Dr. Cameron: He was shot?
House: No – somebody threw it at him.
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Dr. Cameron: Reliable witness?
House: His name's "Baby Shoes." How bad can he be?
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Dr. Foreman: What's Dr. Cameron wearing?
Joe: Dark blue pants, white shirt, black shoes.
Dr. Foreman: Ooh, almost. Except for the pants, shirt, and shoes. You're blind.
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House: I've got a disability.
Haines: These are speeding tickets.
House: Lot of emergencies.
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House: Foreman, policeman are our friends. If you and I ever get separated shopping...
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Dr. Cuddy: (to House) I can't even imagine the backward logic you used to rationalize shooting a corpse.
House: Well if I shot a live person there's a lot more paperwork.
Dr. Cuddy: Then it won't be a problem for you to stand beside a casket, and explain why a cancer patient has a bullet hole in his head.
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Dr. Foreman: So I'm just a regular patient now?
House: No. You get your own thermometer.
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Dr. Chase: You want to give Foreman a brain biopsy?
House: Come on, really, who doesn't?
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House: Hey, I'm just messing with your head. Mother's maiden name?
Dr. Foreman: Get out of my temporal lobe, House.