House

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day? Dr. Wilson: You ordered it. House: You're the responsible one.

(Speaking to Wilson and Cuddy about Cuddy) House: She's all upset 'cause we paid more attention to the other girl. You check out her ass. I've got the chest.

Dr. Cuddy: It takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath? What, do the complications increase exponentially with cup size?

Dr. Wilson: I'm not gonna date a patient's daughter. House: Very ethical. Of course, most married men would say they don't date at all.

House: Fever. Clinical depression does not cause fever. Dr. Foreman: She could be sick and depressed. House: She's sick. Dammit, why didn't I think of that?

House: You can't be that good and well-adjusted. Dr. Cameron: Why? House: Because you wind up crying over centrifuges. Dr. Cameron: Or hating people...

House: It's a very sad thing, an uncalibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want. Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want. House: So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!

Dr. Wilson: I love my wife. House: You certainly love saying it.

House: I don't ask why patients lie - I just assume they all do.

House: You coughed the other day. I was concerned. Dr. Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight-year old boy with a puzzle that's just a little too grown-up for him to figure out. House: To-may-toe, to-mah-toe.

Dr. Cameron: You want me to ask a man whose wife is about to die if he cheated on her? House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.

Dr. Foreman: Sleeping sickness from sex? House: It's not without precedent. Dr. Foreman: I'm pretty sure it is, unless you're talking about going to Africa and having sex with the tsetse fly.

House: You told me you hadn't changed your diet or exercise. Were you lying? Samantha: Lying? House: Does your husband have high blood pressure? Samantha: My husband? House: Yeah, see, if you're going to repeat everything I say, this conversation's going to take twice as long.

Dr. Cuddy: The tests were normal. Of course, that's just my opinion. You might want to call a couple of guys from Maintenance in for a consult.

House: So what's her name and when do I get to meet her? Dr. Wilson: There's nobody! Give it up! House: Your lips say no, but your shoes say yes. Dr. Wilson: They're French. You can't trust a word they say.

Dr. Foreman: How come (House) doesn't ride you guys? Dr. Chase: He's got a crush on you. He just doesn't know how to show it.

Dr. Foreman: Why are you riding on me? House: It's what I do. Has it gotten worse lately? Dr. Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me. House: Really? Well, that rules out the race thing. You were just as black last week.

Dr. Foreman: We looked at everything else Dr. Wilson: Did you look at her breasts? (Cameron glares) House: Men...

Cuddy: (to House) You're ordering tests to cover your lechery. Interesting.

House: You want to look pretty. At work. (singing) Wilson's got a girlfriend . . .

Dr. Wilson: Well. That's what breasts look like.

Samantha: (My breasts) were a present for my husband's 40th. I figured he'd enjoy them more than a sweater. House: That's so sweet.

House: Husband described her as being unusually irritable recently. Dr. Cameron: And . . . ? House: I didn't realize it was possible for a woman to be "unusually" irritable. Dr. Cameron: Nice try, but you're a misanthrope, not a misogynist.