House Season 4 Episode 11

Dr. Foreman: Excuse us a second. (turns the channel to the South Pole office) Cancer explains her symptoms: a tumor in her longer kidney that threw a clot to the other organ.
House: And you're worried that the tumor might overhear, realize we're on to it?

House: How about if I just get naked, and you shut up?
Cate: If I thought I could get you naked, I would have lead with that.

Dr. Foreman : Why would she lie?
House: Timeless question. In this case, she conspired with her co-workers to teach me that something is more important than cable. I'm going to teach them that they are wrong.

House: Anything with a strong color could work as a stain, printer ink, food coloring, coffee
Dr. Wilson: No thanks.

Dr. Cuddy: New case. Psych department asked for you personally.
House: The patient's a crazy person?
Dr. Cuddy: You're a crazy person, patient's a psychiatrist.

Dr. Wilson: I was being mature
House: In a lavender shirt... you, for some reason, are happy.
Dr. Wilson: How dare you!

House: There's something wrong with Coma Guy's cable.
Dr. Cuddy: He seems fine with it.

Kutner: Uh, Discovery Channel. I like watching them blow stuff up.
House: Who doesn't?

House: Carlson won't listen to me since I hit on his wife.
Dr. Cameron: You knew?
House: God no, I thought I was hitting on his daughter.

Dr. Cameron: I am not giving you cable. You're gonna have to somehow survive with the broadcast networks alone.
House: I'll be fine on Tuesdays.

Kutner: We're almost ready to start the test.
House: Test? Did Ford test the Edsel? Did Coke test New Coke? Did Shakespeare test his final play, Snow Dogs?

House: Let me guess: you're as pure as the driven snow.
Cate: Only if the snow likes to be on top.

House: She's a great psychiatrist. One session, I've got shrinkage.

House: The more you interrupt, the longer my grandstanding is going to take.

Dr. Wilson: She said she cares about other people? What a poser.

Dr. Wilson: You don't like her because she's a psychiatrist.
House: I'm a complicated man. I loathe her for many reasons.
Dr. Wilson: Never before has a profession been so decried by someone who needed it so badly.
House: You talk a lot of smack about tranny hookers.

House: You're wearing that shirt for someone else.
Dr. Wilson: The health department. They frown on topless oncology.

Cate: I can do the physical. There's no reason you need to watch.
House: I can think of at least three reasons. One of them's medical.

Cate: Huh, lots of books. I'm betting all medical.
House: Only if you count Jenna Jameson's autobiography as a gynecological text.

House: Great, you've got me all figured out. Are you going to try and fix me now?
Cate: I never said you needed fixing.

Dr. Foreman: He's annoyed by her, doesn't respect her as a doctor, constantly insults her.
Dr. Wilson: That's House's version of courtship.
Dr. Foreman: Oh, god, he's been wooing me for years.
Dr. Wilson: She's the perfect woman for him. Willing to literally go to the end of the earth for her career, making her unavailable for a real relationship. And she's afflicted with a mysterious illness.

House: Now slide your hand to your sternum. Probe for nodes, moving slowly downward.
Cate: Down to what, House?
House: Sorry, can't hear you on account of your heavy breathing.
Cate: I'm supposed to be on oxygen, you tool.

Dr. Wilson: You used her name.
House: Just trying to move things along, Bob.

Dr. Wilson: "Are you okay?"
House: It's a valid medical question.
Dr. Wilson: I have never heard you ask a patient that question. You've never asked me that question and you've seen me fall down a flight of stairs drunk.

Dr. Wilson: Are you going to follow me into my car?
House: It's got two doors.

House: I love a new puppy. That last one was delicious. Very tender.

Dr. Wilson: Is that my wallet?
House: Yeah, you can have it back. I've already been through it.

Dr. Wilson: Why am I here?
House: Because I want to ask you about your girlfriend. I must know who she is, or you'd have told me her name.
Dr. Wilson: She doesn't have a name. It's some sort of birth defect.
House: There's only about 12 people we both know. I can't remember five of their names, so we're down to Cuddy, your ex-wives…
Dr. Wilson: Your mama.

House: You're standing up to me?
Kutner: Maybe.
House: Just to clarify. You should do that when you're right. Sorry for the confusion.

Dr. Wilson: Damn, I thought I lost you when I walked backwards through my own footprints in the snow.

House: It's not one of your ex-wives.
Dr. Wilson: Because they hate me.
House: They don't. They should, but they don't. I called them.

House: If that's what love is, then I don't want to have anything to do with it.
Dr. Wilson: It starts with warm feet, but it leads to other things. Your mom and I will explain when you're older.