House Season 4 Episode 9

House: Who would you pick?
Dr. Cuddy: Are you asking my opinion?
House: If you have any absolute truths, that would be even better.
Dr. Cuddy: You never want my advice. You spend your life trying to avoid my advice.
House: You're a bureaucratic nightmare, you're a chronic pain in the ass, and you're a second-rate doctor at best.
Dr. Cuddy: Am I blushing?
House: But you do know this stuff. Can we get this over with?

House: What makes you so sure that drugs are a mask for something else?
Thirteen: Drugs are always a mask for something else.
House: That's the dumbest thing I've heard in my life.

Thirteen: You realize we still have a patient.
Taub: Don't care about the patient.
Thirteen: Do you care about this job more than you care about his life?
Taub: I care about my wallpaper more than I care about his life.

Dr. Foreman: No. He's sick because he's a drug addict.
House: No, he has every symptom you would expect from a drug addict.
Dr. Foreman: So you think it's all too perfect? Some other disease is trying to throw us off its trail?
House: If he had four out of a possible 20 symptoms, he'd be a garden-variety druggie. Twenty out of 20, there is an underlying disease.

House: Dizzying array of symptoms. Any of which could be caused by drugs, trauma, being a loser.
Dr. Foreman: The guy's a walking pharmacy. Could be anything.
House: Oh! Forgot to mention. Final case. Get it right, you're hired. Runner-up will be decided strictly on some definition of merit.

House: Blood in the stool and urine. I've died and gone to diagnostic heaven.
Dr. Cameron: His blood results show booze, cocaine, amphetamines, opiates. The only mystery here is how he made it to be 38.
Patient: I'm 28.
Dr. Cameron: Oh, and he lies... and he's a pain in the ass.
House: Wrap him up. I'll take him to go.

House: Who would you pick to fill your narrow little flats?
Dr. Cameron: So you can fire them off my recommendation? Nice try.

House: Sign on the door says, "Closed. Private Event."
Dr. Cuddy: You're alone.
House: How much more private can you get?

House: Interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Why would you use that word?
House: Because I'm interested. When I'm interested, I describe the things that make me interested as interesting.

House: You think you can cure pain.
Dr. Wilson: You think you can avoid pain!
House: You think you're responsible for every failure, every patient's boring life, every friend's screwed up...
Dr. Wilson: You don't want to face it any more than my patient does. Dying's easy. Living's hard.

House: I wanna keep all four.
Dr. Cuddy: You can have two.
House: You don't get negotiation, do you? I say four, you say three, we finally settle on three and a half which would be good news for Taub.

Dr. Cuddy: Who are you keeping? You owed me a decision ten days ago.
House: Total amnesia.

House: What do you think? Is he seizing or dancing?

House: Foreman, you run the test.
Dr. Foreman: Sure. Anything I can do to help your game. (leaves)
House: He's not gonna run the test.
Thirteen: I don't think so.
House: No.

Dr. Cuddy: What the hell did you do?
House: You told me to hire Kutner and Taub.
Dr. Cuddy: Because I knew you wouldn't!
House: Oops.

House: Hey! Who's the sickest patient you've got?
Dr. Cameron: I've got a guy who'll be dead in the next ten minutes.

House: Why would you have a blank liability release form, plus your checkbook on top of your desk?
Dr. Wilson: Probably because they were in the second drawer, in a Manila envelope, under a book, and you put them on top of my desk.

Dr. Chase: How's the new us-es' final case going?

House: Dr. Cuddy: the face that launched a thousand long faces.

House: (to Taub)You were doing better before you had a good idea.