House Season 1 Episode 22

House: I think I upset him.
Dr. Foreman: You've got to stop this, now!
Mark Warner: I remember the honeymoon was in Paris. I remember, 'cause we didn't leave the room for two weeks. You want the details on that?!
House: A little defensive.
Dr. Foreman: It's not paranoia if someone's out to get you.

House: I diagnosed him, I did my job. You want somebody to tie him down and force him into treatment, well, you're way better at that than I am.
Stacy: Is that what this is? Payback for your leg? How many times have we been over this; I saved your life.
House: Yeah, maybe.
Stacy: You're going to kill my husband to teach me a lesson?
House: No, he's going to die because he's too stubborn to make the right choice.
Stacy: Now we're in your territory.
House: I'm respecting your husband's decision, I don't see why you've got a problem with that.

House: I got Mark's latest blood work, he's not responding to treatment.
Dr. Wilson: I'm sorry.
House: I was happy. He's my patient. I'm sure he's a good guy, he's probably a great guy. Probably a much better guy than I am. And some part of me wants him to die. I'm just not sure if it's because I want to be with her or if it's because I want her to suffer.

Dr. Foreman: Chase! (reading a letter found on a plate of cookies) "Dear "House" boys. A snack for your highly illegal search. Hope you like oatmeal raisin. Love, Stacy."

Stacy: Elevate the words all you want, you were just screwing with him. Low even by your standards.
House: Medical screwing. It's what I do.

House: You know, we should do things together. Maybe throw a ball around or something. Guy stuff.
Mark: We could go for a run together.
House: Ah! It's Oscar Wilde!

Stacy: I'm not over you. You were, you were the one, you always will be. But I can't be with you.
House: So I'm the guy, but you want the other guy, who by definition can never be the guy.

Dr. Cameron: (to House) I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. That's okay, I'm happy for you.

Dr. Wilson: Be yourself – cold, uncaring, distant.
House: Please – don't put me on a pedestal.

House: Did I miss anything?
Dr. Chase: Kitchen sink?
House: Well, we could certainly give that . . . oh, you minx.

Dr. Cuddy: I want to run something by you.
House: I will not have sex with you! Not again! It was miserable the first time – your desperate administrative need!

Stacy: (to House) Because you browbeat patients, intimidate them, lie to them. If you think you're right, you don't give a damn what they think. I did what you do all the time – the difference is, I did it to you.

Stacy: Please. If you're right, this may be (Mark's) only shot.
House: So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I got the little girl and the Aussie'll run like a scared wombat if things turn rough.

Mark: Looks like you're having fun.
House: Oh, he's good. If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything. I can't tell you how much I like your fella.
Mark: Yeah, me too. I thought you'd be all sarcastic – bitter, you know, because Stacy married me.

Stacy: Please, he'll be here.
House: Why? Because he loves you and does everything he's told?
Stacy: Because I didn't tell him you'd be here.

Dr. Cameron: What happened to everyone lies?
House: I was lying.

Dr. Cameron: Who (thinks he's sick)?
House: His wife.
Dr. Cameron: The woman you used to live with.
House: That's her Indian name. On her driver's license it's "Stacy."

Dr. Cameron: Foreman! Are you going to contribute, or are you too tired from stealing cars? (everyone stares) I'm being House. It's funny.
Dr. Foreman: I know. You made milk come out my nose.