House Season 3 Episode 14

Dr. Foreman: Commitment is only commitment because it has no expiration date. You stand next to someone and watch them floss for thirty years like my parents had, then ask for sacrifices. That's how you know the real thing.

Hannah: I can't cry.
House: Neither can I.

Dr. Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.
Dr. Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else it's Wednesday.
Dr. Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Hannah: I'm fine.
Cynthia: You don't know that. You fell. Awkwardly.
Hannah: No, I didn't.
Cynthia: You don't know how to fall.
Hannah: I'm sixteen. I've been falling a lot. I think I'm getting the hang of it.

Don Herrick: So, what does a dean of medicine do?
Dr. Cuddy: Oh, can we please not talk about that. I will talk about anything else, but I'm just trying to get away from work.
Don Herrick: Metaphorically. Because, geographically the coffee place around the corner from the hospital probably isn't the furthest you could get.

House: You two must have met online. Either that or you've got a friend who secretly hates you.
Don Herrick: Uh, Don Herrick. Yeah, we connected through singleballroomdancelovers.com.
House: Why would he volunteer that information?
Don Herrick: Why would I hide it?
House: (to Cuddy) You didn't tell him that anything he said will be held against you?

Dr. Foreman: People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is.

Dr. Cuddy: You heard the conversation. I'm not interested in him.
Don Herrick: I don't blame you.
Dr. Cuddy: I only said those things so that he wouldn't come back.
Don Herrick: I don't really care about my job. I do it well, I provide service, but my goal was always to make enough money to do the things that I really like--music, travel.
Dr. Cuddy: I like those things too.
Don Herrick: You like them but they're not really important to you. I don't know whether its House, your job, or if you just thrive on conflict. But you should hear yourself when you're talking to him. Nothing else in the world's going on. You're focused, confident, compelling. Don't, don't take this the wrong way but I like to go out with that woman.

Dr. Cameron: So I'm thinking we should have sex.
Dr. Chase: That makes sense.
Dr. Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs there's no point in putting our lives on hold until love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people, and we work together so it's convenient.
Dr. Chase: Like microwave pizza?
Dr. Cameron: And of all the people I work with you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.
Dr. Chase: Like microwave pizza.
Dr. Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Some day there'll be a time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we've already had sex once and didn't get weird about it, so…
Dr. Chase: I get it, I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment?
Dr. Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for.

House: Most people light fires for themselves, but then they don't deny it. He's here.
Dr. Cuddy: CPK isn't high enough. Potassium is what you'd expect same as the bronchodilators.
House: Oh my god. You're not wearing a bra!
Dr. Cuddy: It's not thyroid storm.
House: You just met him!
Dr. Cuddy: I like him. And I like sex. Do I need to stitch a letter onto my tops?
House: No. But it might be worth taking out an ad on the local papers.
Dr. Cuddy: Do you like me, House?

Hannah: After everything I do, I self-check. Mouth, tongue, gums for cuts, count teeth, check temperature, fingers toes and joints for swelling, skin for bruises.
House: I got shot.

House: Hi again. And I'm sure I could say this without being condescending, but then you'd get the false impression that I respect you, so... you're a kid, you're scared, you're stalling, grow up.

House: Reason number one. She knew what it was without us telling her. Two, she's still wet from the snow. She's not shivering, that's odd. Unless you can't sweat or feel hot and cold.
Hannah: The ambulance was warm. I want to see my mother.
House: Three, scarring around the lips and tongue. When she was a baby she chewed on herself without feeling it.
Hannah: I fell through a window when I was a kid.
House: Four, when you cleaned the wounds she flexed into the cleaner instead of away from it. It's hard to fake pain when you've never felt it. Takes an imaginative leap, Ms. Morganthal. That's one of them Jew names... Ashkenazis are a higher risk group.

House: Foreman, your girlfriend wants to know if you're available for Valentine's. Act surprised. (looks around) What are you doing down here?
Foreman: The snowstorm. ER's short staffed. We're all supposed to be here--you're supposed to be here. You're an ass. Act surprised.

House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Dr. Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was actually designed to warn cats.

House: (to Cuddy) You could have left the scarf at home and just told him that you'd be wearing a look of desperation.

Dr. Chase: CIPA means she's insensitive to pain. She still has scattered nerve fibers that could conduct pain but the signals don't make it to the brain. What if we give her more pain signals. A lot more pain signals, maybe some of them will make it through.
Dr. Cameron: You wanna torture her?
Dr. Chase: No. (pause) Yes. We do this to anybody else, it's torture. Doing it to her, is no different than pricking a finger.

Nurse Wendy: I've planned a surprise getaway.
House: Get away.
Nurse Wendy: Ummm hmm.
House: Get away.
(Wendy stares)
House: Get. Away.

Dr. Cameron: You weren't shot because of leg pain, you were shot because you're a jerk.
House: Some think the two are connected.

Dr. Foreman: Maybe Cuddy will say no.
Dr. Chase: Cuddy never says no.
Dr. Cameron: That's not true.
Dr. Chase: Nobody ever says no. We don't say no.
Dr. Foreman: You don't say no.
Dr. Chase: He'll come back, he'll browbeat us, he'll give us seven reasons, and eventually we'll fold. We all will, not just me.

Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this. Did you know that the new nurse from Cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
House: That guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
House: How do you not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
House: She's not any more?
Dr. Wilson: But we can't talk about that.
House: I thought we were.
Dr. Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that. But on the way up I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.
House: Tranny nurse is more interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Oh it's way more interesting but instead I've got to be your damned conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience.

Dr. Foreman: We need you!
House: What did the nerve biopsy show?
Dr. Foreman: Never did it.
House: Well then do it.
Dr. Foreman: Can't.
House: Why?
Dr. Foreman: She's going to jump off the lobby balcony.
House: You think I can catch her?

Dr. Cuddy: There are only two reasons anyone would want to screw with me tonight. Either they're an altruistic, decent person who's worried about my well-being. Or… they want me for themself.
House: You left out the third option. Evil bastard who just wants to mess with other people's happiness.

Dr. Foreman: You're cranky.
Dr. House: I'm in pain. Come on, let's go break her arm.

Hannah: Boys can't hold me for too long because I can overheat.
House: Girls can't hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour.