House

House: Whatever's in the cocaine other than the cocaine explains the memory loss. Taub: Dealers cut that stuff with all kinds of garbage. Thirteen: Great, we'll start him on immediate treatment for all kinds of garbage.

(after Cuddy's adopted child is born) House: Now it's time to say those magic words you will be telling her for the rest of her life: "Mommy's gonna go to work."

Dr. Cuddy: You know you are gonna pay for that? House: I'm paying for it right now, with the wisdom.

Dr. Cuddy: Thirty-seven-year-old male with recurring blackouts. House: Tell him to switch from tequila to bourbon, worked for me.

Dr. Cuddy: Why do you even care? It's not like I'm ever going to ask you to babysit. House: I'm a humanitarian.

Sadie: Are you crazy, bitch? Thirteen: No, I'm just a bitch who knows what she wants.

House: I need your advice. Dr. Wilson: It's not cancer. House: Wow! Can you remove spleens with your mind too?

House: Why the hell haven't you come to talk to me about Cuddy? I've been doing all sorts of insane stuff. Dr. Wilson: If she can't handle your insanity, she can't handle a baby.

House: Guy's bleeding out of his pores. What does that tell us? Other than that you don't want to play basketball against him and he's dying?

Becca: Who's that? Dr. Chase: Dr. Gregory House. He's the one you'll be suing when you develop sepsis.

Dr. Cuddy: Stop pressuring her. House: Sorry. Daddy's perfectly healthy, but we want you to give him a kidney anyway because it'd be cool if he had three.

House: I need a genetic disease. Dr. Wilson: I'm sure you're carrying a few.

Dr. Wilson: I've just given you the answer, haven't I? And now you're going to walk out of here without saying a word. House: (leaving) Nope!

House: I'm sure the mom will be thrilled to hand her crack baby off to a doctor. Dr. Cuddy: She's not a crack baby. House: No, mother's perfectly healthy. She just had to give up the baby in order to continue her work on the human genome. Dr. Cuddy: She confessed to some past meth use. House: What they don't confess to is almost always more interesting. This is a mistake. Dr. Cuddy: Because a kid you don't know may have some problems you don't know about that she may have passed on to a kid? House: Because you're a control seeking narcissist. Which is fine, good even in some jobs. But you're not equipped to handle a real kid, never mind a factory second. Where are you meeting her? Dr. Cuddy: In a little place called "Follow me and your urologist will be buying himself a new yacht." House: They explained the return policy, right? It's worse than video games.